Something Tells Me These Two Babies Will Be Bottle Fed

A dubious record was broken over the weekend. A 67-year old woman in Spain became the proud (I guess that would be the description for it) mother of twins. The previous record for giving birth was 66. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that’s the age where most women become grandparents. I guess this lady’s biological clock is running just a little slow. It must’ve been a slow-rise bun in the oven. Maybe the stork got lost somewhere over the Atlantic. She never ‘expected’ this. Perhaps in Spain the gestational period is just a little bit longer. Ok, I’m sorry that’s all I have. You know what they say though; better late than never. Now I’m done, I promise.

The story I read didn’t mention if she has any other children. For her new children’s sake, let’s hope so. I can barely handle twins and I’m over 30 years younger than this mom is. At 67, just picking them up can cause excruciating pain. On the other hand, when she becomes hard of hearing it’ll be a plus since she won’t be able to hear the incessant whining and crying that can come with newborns and toddlers. As her twins are learning to walk with the use of a child’s walker, she’ll be using one too. They’ll form a walking support group like the support groups they try to foster at Weight Watchers. She’ll definitely get her exercise so she’d better keep up on her osteoporosis supplements.

You know, I began this post ready to point out all the negatives of becoming such an old parent. I should rephrase that since all parents become old, but you know what I mean. However, the more I think about this record-breaking geriatric birth, the more I think it may be an unforeseen blessing. When you bring your newborns home, the first thing you sacrifice is sleep. This is even more so for parents of newborn twins (trust me, I was a walking sleep deprived zombie for Lucy and Ethel’s first four months). Of all the aging people I know (granted it’s not a huge list and it keeps getting shorter), it seems like the majority of them can’t stop complaining about how they never need to sleep much anymore. Can you think of a better lifestyle for dealing with newborns? The less you sleep the less of an inconvenience it is to have to wake up every three hours for feedings and diaper changes.

That reminds me, I haven’t mentioned the feeding aspect yet. Over the next couple of years, the twins will progress towards eating mush and soft food as they prepare for solids. That will most likely overlap with their mother’s move away from solid foods to softer textured foods. If she can acquire the taste of her twins’ baby food as the two cycles meet, she’ll save a ton on her monthly grocery bills. There is no doubt that her laundry needs will be reduced if she finds herself in Depends at the same time her twins are in diapers. She won’t have to spend so much time laundering undergarments, which saves not only the time but also money on her electric or gas bills. As we all know, that stuff gets really important when on a fixed income.

At 67, most folks are retired so the need to find babysitters or get time off work to take care of your kids is negated. In fact, these twins will receive more attention from their mother than most children will because their mom can be home all day and is probably on a retirement or pension to boot. The more you look at it, the more attractive parenting at an older age becomes. Now if the bingo parlor would only install a day care center, the 67-year-old mommy could live every senior’s dream. What will we call this new aging mommy phenomenon if it catches on though? How does ‘Rocker Mom’ sound?