Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Something Tells Me These Two Babies Will Be Bottle Fed

A dubious record was broken over the weekend. A 67-year old woman in Spain became the proud (I guess that would be the description for it) mother of twins. The previous record for giving birth was 66. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I think that’s the age where most women become grandparents. I guess this lady’s biological clock is running just a little slow. It must’ve been a slow-rise bun in the oven. Maybe the stork got lost somewhere over the Atlantic. She never ‘expected’ this. Perhaps in Spain the gestational period is just a little bit longer. Ok, I’m sorry that’s all I have. You know what they say though; better late than never. Now I’m done, I promise.

The story I read didn’t mention if she has any other children. For her new children’s sake, let’s hope so. I can barely handle twins and I’m over 30 years younger than this mom is. At 67, just picking them up can cause excruciating pain. On the other hand, when she becomes hard of hearing it’ll be a plus since she won’t be able to hear the incessant whining and crying that can come with newborns and toddlers. As her twins are learning to walk with the use of a child’s walker, she’ll be using one too. They’ll form a walking support group like the support groups they try to foster at Weight Watchers. She’ll definitely get her exercise so she’d better keep up on her osteoporosis supplements.

You know, I began this post ready to point out all the negatives of becoming such an old parent. I should rephrase that since all parents become old, but you know what I mean. However, the more I think about this record-breaking geriatric birth, the more I think it may be an unforeseen blessing. When you bring your newborns home, the first thing you sacrifice is sleep. This is even more so for parents of newborn twins (trust me, I was a walking sleep deprived zombie for Lucy and Ethel’s first four months). Of all the aging people I know (granted it’s not a huge list and it keeps getting shorter), it seems like the majority of them can’t stop complaining about how they never need to sleep much anymore. Can you think of a better lifestyle for dealing with newborns? The less you sleep the less of an inconvenience it is to have to wake up every three hours for feedings and diaper changes.

That reminds me, I haven’t mentioned the feeding aspect yet. Over the next couple of years, the twins will progress towards eating mush and soft food as they prepare for solids. That will most likely overlap with their mother’s move away from solid foods to softer textured foods. If she can acquire the taste of her twins’ baby food as the two cycles meet, she’ll save a ton on her monthly grocery bills. There is no doubt that her laundry needs will be reduced if she finds herself in Depends at the same time her twins are in diapers. She won’t have to spend so much time laundering undergarments, which saves not only the time but also money on her electric or gas bills. As we all know, that stuff gets really important when on a fixed income.

At 67, most folks are retired so the need to find babysitters or get time off work to take care of your kids is negated. In fact, these twins will receive more attention from their mother than most children will because their mom can be home all day and is probably on a retirement or pension to boot. The more you look at it, the more attractive parenting at an older age becomes. Now if the bingo parlor would only install a day care center, the 67-year-old mommy could live every senior’s dream. What will we call this new aging mommy phenomenon if it catches on though? How does ‘Rocker Mom’ sound?


thethinker said...

Geez, that's an old age to have babies at. She's going to be in a nursing home by the time her kids are in high school.

Josie said...

Michael, are you SERIOUS? A new mother at the age of 67? What was she thinking? She is actually old enough to be their great-grandmother. If she had a child at 22, and then that child had a child at 22, and then THAT child had a child at 22 (all reasonable ages), she would be the great-grandmother.


Awesome Mom said...

I could not imagine being that insane. It was so physically hard to be pregnant at my youthful age I could not imagine doing it at that age and having to worry about a broken hip.

Violet said...

I see now that I got the timing of my own kid way wrong. I'm far too old to be a mother of a baby without being badly affected by the physical stress, by far too young to be able to sympathise with the need for pushchairs, mushy food, being wide awake at 4am, and dribbling.

Le Nightowl said...

the 67-year-old mommy could live every senior’s dream...

Surely you meant 67-year-old mummy :)
FYI, I remember reading it was in fact her first born.
Interesting thoughts, Michael!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Great post, Michael!

I didn't know it was possible to conceive at that age. If it was truly unexpected, then are we to believe it was not by courtesy of fertility drugs?

It seems unfair to her children. Yes, I know, life is a great gift. But their mother is likely to die before they are grown, and she certainly will not be able to run after them when they are toddling.

It sounds like a recipe for disaster, once the Guinness Book of Records brouhaha dies down.

ShadowFalcon said...

I know its great for women to have children as late as they like, but I can't help feeling sorry for the kids, cos chances are they'll end up growing up without a mother

Odat said...

I:m lucky I can take care of my dog now., nevermind twins.....and I'm a lot younger than 67.....lol....Oh well...whatever floats your boat.

Lizza said...

Haha! Great post. The babies will be growing their teeth, mommy will be losing hers. And all three of them will be wearing diapers.

That is one daring woman.

Aisby said...

I want to second what sanfrancisco said: I, personally, think it is very selfish to have kids at such a late age. Larry King comes to mind. Sure, he has plenty of money to give them when he kicks it, but is it fair to have a child in your 70's knowing that they will have to grow up without you.

Lee said...

Oh man...this post made my uterus hurt. Crikey!

Natalie said...

I totally agre that it is insane and selfish for someone to try and have kids at that age. However,if it honestly was unexpcted as she said, the poor lady probably didn't think she could have kids either. I mean who would at 67? I hope she gets a lot of help.

Beth said...

It is absolutely insane that this woman is giving birth at such an old age. Very selfish. We already have too many people on Earth...maybe she should have gotten a jump start a little earlier. Say in the 80's? OY!

R2K said...

This is the best blog of 2006.

James Burnett said...

Maybe they won't be bottle fed. Maybe they like powdered milk.

Cool blog. I found it through C-writing. Will be back to read more.

And though I don't know you, Happy New Year.

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

well michael i can tell you one thing for sure. if she breast feeds them they won't be on her lap, they'll be on the floor. i can't get that picture out of my head. i think i may be blind now. sigh.... bee

C said...

Pensions and social security with small children - the poor house for sure.

Pickled Olives said...

The poor twins will definitely have powdered milk. Those old delapitated boobies could only delivery powdered milk. How that woman pulled enough juices out to give birth is shocking! I'm sure she needed ky to help with the delivery! OUCH!

Michael C said...

Thinker: That's pretty old and pretty risky.

Josie: I'm impressed by your quick logic. That makes her idea of having kids at her age even worse than I had originally thought!

Awesome mom: We could barely handle twins at age 29!!

Violet: It's the parenting dilemma!
I hear ya!

Le Nightowl: 67 year old mummy? Now that's funny!

Heartsinsanfrancisco: I agree with you completely. We're wondering if we should have another child and we're in our early 30s!

Shadowfalcon: welcome back. It would be nice if she could just hang on until they turn 18 or so.

Odat: my dog long ago forgave me. With twins and a dog, ole Mabel realized the pecking order pretty quickly ;-(

Lizza: I think they call that the circle of life ;-)

Aisby: Between Larry King, Hugh Hefner and Tony Randall (who has passed away), it's like the let's have kids but not have to be around to raise them club!!

Lee: strangely, my uterus hurts now too!!

Natalie: That's quite a surprise, dontcha think?

Beth: Maybe 1992 at the latest ;-)

R2k: Thanks, I like your thinking!

James: The nice thing about powdered milk is that it's probably cheaper and you can buy it in bulk! Please come back as often as you'd like and feel free to tell my idol Dave Barry hi for me ;-) I'm just kidding. Ok, no I'm not. Happy New Year and I look forward to you visiting again.

Empress Bee: Now I won't be able to drink milk for 3 months!

C: It makes the old lady who lived in a shoe look like Ivana Trump!!

Pickled Olives: I'm speechless. I can't close my eyes now because of the mental picture you painted. ;-)


Now I am really dying to know how old the baby's father is.