200 Posts Later and Still Searching For Perfection

According to Blogger’s little login dashboard thingy, today is my 200th post. Since I just woke up and am feeling several feet under the weather, I had a lot of trouble coming up with something appropriate for this numerical occasion. After all, when our country turned 200, there was a parade of tall sailing ships and fireworks. Of course I do not have the resources for such extravagant luxuries, so I’m forced to post this…

As I began thinking of the last 199 posts (sadly, I could recall very few as being memorable), I found myself also thinking forward to tomorrow’s post, the next 50, the next 100, etc. I then wondered about that day (very long from now, of course) when I will post my last entry. Now, I’m not anal, but I do like to plan ahead, so I figured that I would just go ahead and write my final post now in lieu of something special for this 200th post and then put it in the can to be on the safe side. Has anyone else out there wondered about their final post? For my dignity, I’m surely hoping so.

It’s hard to predict why a certain post would be my last, but there are a few possible scenarios. The most obvious is that my wife would awake one morning to discover me sprawled out unconscious over my keyboard because I OD’d on blogging. Perhaps Lucy and Ethel discover how to hide my computer from me and I'm forced to quit blogging cold turkey. Another is that I finally created ‘the ultimate post’ – my Pet Sounds, Sgt. Pepper, or Mona Lisa, if you will. How will I know that I’ve finally reached my blogging perfection where it would make no use to try and top it? Easy, it’ll be the post where I finally and successfully combine the wit of Fred Willard and William Shatner, the humor of Johnny Carson, Bob Newhart and David Letterman, the music of the Beatles, the great story crafting of War and Peace and Willy Nelson’s Poncho and Lefty, the island imagery of Jimmy Buffett and the great taste that buttered lobster leaves in your mouth all into glorious written form. Obviously, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.

Will the final post be funny? Will it provoke deep thought or longing for a simpler time? Will it be sad? Should I thank all my blogging friends or apologize to my family for all the hours I’ve spent at my computer? Should I do one of those looking back things where I dredge up past posts? Maybe I should invite a guest writer? Perhaps I could leave my readers wanting more. I guess I could quote Lou Gehrig and say how I’m the luckiest man on the face of the earth. If I’m fortunate enough, there might even be someone reading that final post so I’d like to make it ‘worthwhile’ for them, if you get my point.

I’ve got it, the perfect ending to my blogging career whenever that happens. I will spell out the word goodbye with rocks and photograph it from the air. Then, at the very end of my final post, I’ll wake up in bed with Suzanne Pleshette and realize that every single blog post and comment I’ve ever made or read had all been a dream.

So there you have it, my final blog post for safe keeping whenever it’s needed. Boy, do I feel glad that little piece of business is all wrapped up. Now we should all huddle together for a group hug, turn out the lights and shuffle off the stage…