Monday, April 14, 2008

What Do You See?

I know that I am very behind (would that make me ass-inine?) in getting this story out into blogsville, as it has been circulating for almost a week now, but I had to write about what I think makes up the reflection in the now famous photograph of VP Dick Cheney with his shades on taken while he was fly fishing. Let’s just say it hadn’t eluded my ‘noticement’ (I’ve had such a hard time finding other places to use that word lately). After all, this is the VP who takes congressmen out into the woods and shoots them for sport. I’m kidding. Really! Got that Secret Service? I’m making that up.

Though it does sound like something a James Bond villain would do doesn’t it? Don’t believe me? Just watch Goldfinger, or Moonraker or A View To A Kill or even Shadow of Gold. Yes, I made that last one up. I just wanted to see if you were paying attention. In fact, other than Goldfinger, I’m not sure if Bond is hunted in the woods in any other Bond film, but once I made the statement, I kind of had to stick with it. I’ve seen them all a gazillion times, but after about so many viewings, they all start to blend together. I will say this though; there is a good chance that a cute woman with a highly suggestive name like Booty McGee or Icey Cans will be in Goldfinger, Moonraker, A View To A Kill AND Shadow of Gold.

Yes, I was testing you again. It’s the same proven technique I use whenever playing that game where you have to write a definition and I always use the same definition for each word even after I tell everyone that I’m going to do it. Or, the way that I always hold one card face out so everyone can see it while playing poker. Since no one expects behavior like that, I know it’s going to give me the upper hand because it causes my components to be confused.

Enough about that though. Let’s get back to the Veep’s shades. A lot of people on the intraweb have put forth theories of what is reflected in those ‘semi-aviator, every VP has to have a pair’ sunglasses and most of those theories say that it’s a naked female (pronounced feee-mall-ee in Spanish; that’s right, just like tamale). Ok, all of the theories deal with female nudity. After all, it is the internet we’re talking about here. Well, there is ONE theory being postulated by a Nerdy Nerderson in the mid-west that says it’s an image of a bald eagle carrying a red hammer and sickle passing majestically by the Veep; thereby representing Capitalism’s triumph over Communism. It’s a nice theory, but where would an eagle find the symbolic tools of communism or better yet, how would the eagle know what the symbolic tools of communism are? And why am I using such big words in that last sentence?

I have my own theory. Remember my little diatribe on speculation yesterday? Well, I’m going to speculate again. I’ve looked long and hard (that’s what she said) at the image in Cheney’s glasses and I have to tell you that I think the image is pretty obvious. If you look (and you really don’t have to look that closely to tell), it’s without a doubt a Battle Droid from Star Wars. Seriously, compare the image to the left with the image in the sunglasses! I have no idea WHY the VP is fishing with a Battle Droid, but then I have never fly fished so it would be just as bad for me to criticize him as it would be for me to tell you that the directions you gave me to get somewhere I have never been are wrong, which I have done before, by the way.

Maybe because everyone is now afraid to go hunting with him, he has to take a Battle Droid for company. Maybe the Battle Droid has a built in fish finder feature. I know we can all see the undeniable usefulness of that. Perhaps George Lucas sent one as gift. It could be that Mr. Cheney just feels better when he takes the replica of a Battle Droid with him wherever he goes. It’s like a security blanket, except it’s not soft and he’s not Linus Van Pelt.

Now we can put this little bit o’gossip behind us. We can all go to sleep tonight knowing that our Vice President is not doing anything inappropriate with a woman who is lacking clothes on the bank of his favorite fly fishing spot. Honestly, I never, ever thought I would get to put that sentence into writing. Wow, I’m achieving more and more of my personal goals through this writing thing. Before I wrap this up, I can put it another way: and I repeat, he did not have sexual relations with that reflection. Wow, that’s two writing goals achieved in just one paragraph.

I’ll remember this day for a long time, just like when my dog Mable saved my life last 4th of July by licking my fingers until I woke up after I had fallen asleep in the kiddy pool for 3 hours and had become the color of a ripe plumb. Ok, maybe saying she saved my life is a bit dramatic. Now that I think about it, what the heck was she doing for the 3 hours until she finally woke me up? A battle droid wouldn't have waited that long...

15 comments:

Mr.G said...

Hi. How are you. Im read your blog.

Selma said...

You are an absolute bloody genius, mate. The line 'I did not have sexual relations with that reflection' - I am sputtering here it is so good.

It is no surprise to me that as a result of your exhaustive investigative journalism you have uncovered Cheney's use of battle droids. I have heard George W has made attempts to master the Jedi Mind Control Technique when fielding questions from the press. The pressure from that would account for his incoherence. And as for Condy Rice and her penchant for dressing as a Stormtrooper on dark, windy nights and frog-marching through the Pentagon? Well, we won't go there. Brilliant post!

silverneurotic said...

I found it a sad state of affairs that I come back after spending the past week away from most media outlets to find that that was the big story. oy vey!

On a limb with Claudia said...

Oh whatever. Cheney's a perv. Shock me. He shot a good friend in the face - how much worse is a little nekkidness?

Sizzle said...

THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!

Turnbaby said...

To think he'd be smiling at soe hot naked chick almost makes him seem.....human Oh MY

Odat said...

Ok, say I buy your theory about the battle droids, but why are they NAKED???? ;-)
Peace

Cass said...

I see R2D2....I just do - and really that's a lot more rational to me then a hot naked girl at the end of a boat...I mean how'd it get her there? Well I guess he could have threatened to shoot her...this isn't all that shocking thought when you consider that Bush did pick him.

chefmom said...

I know a bit about fly fishing, and how all those schmucks did it from a boat is beyond me. Will he melt in the water? Why doesn't he own wadders? I know, it's becasue he enjoy the sport of shotting or catching a man. A hook to the eyeball or ear on the back whip, and he's have caught himself a senator....

Eva said...

You had me at Battle Droid.

Amy said...

Yes, Battle Droid...I almost vacuumed one up yesterday...we've got about a thousand of them all over his room...damn legos!

sari said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. Any fan of The Office has to be all right in my book.

And the Carpenters, I'll admit to a fondness for them also, but I'm 41, I have no shame about it, they were my time.

Have a great day!

meleah rebeccah said...

I have no idea what is in the reflection of those sunglasses...but I am dying over the idea of a Bond Movie titled 'Shadow of Gold."

hahahahah

Dr.John said...

My battle droid draws the line at getting people out of pools so you would have been out of luck. It is also sure that no droids were issued to the Vice President. What you see is a pole and just a pole. But then it has no cloths so it is a naked pole.

Patti said...

This was one weird story in the news last week. Thanks for resurrecting it on your blog, and telling us what that reflection really was.

Oh - plum, the fruit, has no b on the end of it.

I'm glad I was able to introduce you to Sari, her blog is much fun.