Monday, April 07, 2008

Time To Go Exploring

Exploring is fun. Exploring is exciting. Exploring is perhaps the most enjoyable of all the words that begin with ‘ex.’ I offer as examples (oh hey, that’s another one and that wasn’t even intended) exit, excruciating, excavate, ex-boss, ex-girlfriend, ex-person I used to hang out with before they got annoying because they always said ‘that’s what she said’ in the middle of every sentence, exhume and expatriate. See, not a whole lotta fun going on there, which makes explore that much more desirable, as opposed of course to it being expendable…

Why all this focus on exploring? Well, it’s simple (and I once again must apologize in advance to Kat). This week is ‘Explore Your Career Options Week.’ If only I had known this last week when I wrote about my TV show idea where I try out all types of jobs. That would have been perfect for celebrating this week. But once again, I have fallen victim to premature blog posting. It’s a complex issue that can be very embarrassing for the sufferer and I’d rather not deal with that right now. So, I am left to try to explore my career options in a different way.

One form of exploring is spelunking (can you tell I’m focusing this week on my segues?). However, as opposed to spelunking, I will not be using hats, lanterns, pick-axes, ropes or maps to explore my career options. I decided to use an online career assessment test. It was free. Just remember that tidbit as I guarantee you it will resurface in just a few minutes. I can’t say that I really enjoyed answering 500 questions about myself in 30 minutes, though I suppose it could slightly be related to the fact that my Mtn Dew downgraded to room temperature during this time. The questions explored how I viewed myself as a leader, whether I took initiative, if I make friends easily, how I feel about crowded situations and if I ever blurt things out without thinking first (and we all know the answer to that one). The only problem is that those basic set of questions were rephrased in what amounted to 500 different ways. As my attention span drifted to thoughts of things fried or cheesed, I cannot honestly remember how I answered some of them.

Finally, after having to register and being subjected to at least 20 great offers meant to make my life easier, I got my test results. It said that I am ‘best suited to a creative job.’ Oh my! Really? Who’d have thunk it? You mean all those times I got in trouble for being late on my projects at work because I was busy writing or trying to perfect Christopher Walken’s accent was because I have a creative side? I gotta tell ya how relieved I am. I had just assumed I had some type of tick that made me socially awkward and unemployable. It turns out that I need creativity. Whew! Yes, I am being sarcastic, which I believe was the answer to number 243. Really, 500 questions to find out what counselors and career guidance professionals have been telling me since junior high? I’ll admit I’m a bit miffed, which can happen to me easily sometimes. That was the answer to number 92.

At least I could still look forward to the site’s recommendation of what jobs were suitable for someone assessed as creative. I clicked with unbridled anticipation. OK, that’s stretching it. My anticipation was pretty bridled. And what were my top 3 employment recommendations?

1. Funeral Director
2. Bookkeeping

and
3. Personal Care or Service

Uhhh, did I miss a step here? Creative people are suited for bookkeeping? To be honest, I had always believed that putting the words creative and bookkeeping in the same sentence equated to an illegal act or at the very least a tax audit.. And do we really want to put someone who answered ‘yes’ to the question about whether or not you blurt out things without thinking first in the position of a funeral director? Perhaps even more importantly, do we really need creativity as a trait for a funeral director?

Call me old-fashioned, but I have always tended to think that preserving people for burial and carrying out the deceased’s funeral plans is pretty straightforward. I mean there are ways I can think of injecting some creativity into the proceedings, but who really wants a casket covered with works of fine art, family pictures or a coconut-scented cremation? I personally think that funeral parlor karaoke would be the perfect way to help a grieving family, but I’m sure there are volumes of research somewhere that prove very convincingly otherwise. At least that’s the case with most things I have recommended, especially at work. Seriously, who thought to do actual research on placing a kiddy pool behind our office so that we can dip our feet into it during breaks BEFORE I suggested it? It just seems like every time I come up with a good idea that someone says ‘well Michael, we already looked into this and it appears it is not a good idea.’ Heck, you’d almost think they were making up the fact that they did research just to keep me from recommending more ideas to improve the workplace. If that were true, it would mean that people are conspiring against me and I don’t believe that. Yes, that was my answer to number 338.

Well, I did my part and honored the spirit of the weeklong holiday by exploring my career options. I guess my next step is to enroll in Funeral Director College. In fact, I’ve already started working on my deep monotone voice and will probably start pricing black suits and carnations tomorrow. I can hardly wait until I can brag to people that I am a graduate of Bury U.

14 comments:

Just telling it like it is said...

Hummm
Funeral director....
Is is a creative job because director is in the job title...
or is it creative because the funeral director has last say so on make-up choices...
either way I hear that they make a lot of money in the pre-plot-sale business...
Oh you and I have so much in common...

Patti said...

This post is hysterical. Bury U...

I think you'd be great at cheering up grieving friends and family members.

You could set up a refreshment table next to the guest book and serve deep-fried snacks oozing with melted cheese.

That would cheer anybody up.

Natalie said...

None of those careers seem particularly creative. I plan to never take this assessment.

chefmom said...

What are you going to do, place dead people in happy positions?!!! This post was a riot....especially since you will now becoame a graduate of Bury U. HAHAHAHA!!

FRIGGA said...

Funeral director? Was there no question that asked about "inappropriate humor" Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a good inappropriate joke - but, funeral director?

Oh and hey you mentioned spelunking - after my recent exploration of my old home I've actually started looking into this whole spelunking thing. Minus the bugs and rodents and possible illegalness, it sounds pretty cool! 8-)

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh Michael. Too Funny.

I cannot even begin to imagine you as a Funeral Director or Book Keeper

AT. ALL.

(but I do want to take that test even if it is 500 questions, to see what kind of 'jobs' it thinks I should be doing ...)

Amy said...

Funeral karaoke...now that's a site to see. Company may be a little stiff...ha-ha-ha. (dumb joke!)


Did you catch SNL this past weekend with Christopher Walken...funny! I'm sure you did!

Odat said...

"As my attention span drifted to thoughts of things fried or cheesed......" ahahahahahaha!
Peace

Dr.John said...

You can't do any worse than some of the funeral directors I've worked with. They were very creative at getting money out of the bereaved.

Ralph said...

As for the funeral stuff, I just don't see the creativity in black suits and Cadillac limos. And I'd be curious as to the small talk you might incur as you try to provide levity during the viewing hours ...being as...um...creative you really are are

C said...

Well you can possibly exhume someone one day with that career opportunity... that might be exciting but not exquisite.

Selma said...

A close friend of my mother's is a funeral director and he is one of the funniest guys I have ever met once you get past his intro routine of gems like :'Everyone's dying to get in here' and 'It's dead in here today.' His sense of humour helps him to cope with all the grief.

Once you have graduated from Bury U you can start your own reality TV show about running a funeral parlour. I saw one made in England not long ago called 'Don't Drop The Coffin.' It was actually quite good!

citizen of the world said...

What an odd set of career choices!

As for the ex words, how about exquisite! There's a whole lotta fun in that word.

Mr.G said...

hi, were the picture? Lost at behind the blog? or the picture has eated some the letter?