Friday, April 13, 2007

Top Ten (And A Half) Things To Do When Suffering From Insomnia

I post a Top Ten and a Half List every Friday. Why ten and a half? Because I don’t want to be accused of stealing a great idea, of course…So, here are the top ten (and a half) things to do when suffering from insomnia:

11. Lie in bed and daydream about sleeping.

10. Drive around your city taking note of all the 24-hour fast food drive-thrus and then visit both of them on successive nights.

9. Sew a mask and cape and patrol the streets at night enforcing the law and repelling evil as Insomnia Man. Remember to recreate the bags under your eyes on the mask.

8. Grill up a steak and try to learn a foreign language by watching foreign soaps or infomercials.

7. Edge the backyard.

6. Apologize to the neighbors for edging the backyard.

5. Wash the cars (after all, there won’t be any water spots caused by the sun).

4. Apologize to the other neighbors for washing the cars, as well as the authorities when they arrive to answer both neighbors’ disturbing the peace calls.

3. Visit my blog. Better yet, visit my blog and leave a comment complimenting me on my witty writing. You can leave a comment about the lack of my witty writing skills, but I can’t guarantee that I won’t delete it.

2. Call your coworkers around 3AM and when they or their angry spouse answers, apologize and say that you dialed the wrong number in a deep eastern European accent.

And the number one thing to do when suffering from insomnia is:

1. Grab something exciting to read like a dictionary or the directions for your refrigerator and read until…

17 comments:

Odat said...

Awww I hope your insomnia is getting better....you're poor neighbors...but hey do they know that you've been out there saving the world as Insomnia Man..(IM for short)????
Peace

Odat said...

P.S Do do...Manamina......

Patti said...

I do believe you have a book idea there, old chap!

Insomnia Man is a great concept. You can start writing it anytime, since apparently you are always awake.

Abigail S said...

#8 sounds like a good idea! Might as well be productive!

Me, I turn to blogging and/or reading. Sometimes, tv.

Mind if I rip this idea for a post of my own? Don't worry, I'll give you credit!

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Still tired after all these years...

I've been an insomniac since I was born. It's getting old.

Does Insomnia Man slide down chimneys and drop sleeping powders on people as they lie in their beds? If so, I have a job for you.

Michael C said...

Odat: Until I paint my old fence, they won't appreciate anything I do!

Patti: That's not a bad idea. Thanks!!

Abigail: please, rip away ;-)

HeartsinSanFran: Sometimes he travels in a sleigh pulled by eight tiny sheep ;-) He is different that the big guy though because he has no beard and his sleigh is blue ;-)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

I'd stay awake to read about the sleep defying adventures of Insomnia Man. Heck, it's 2 am here and I'm commenting on your blog. I could be your sidekick, Sleepless Kid.

heartinsanfrancisco said...

Well, how else would he travel? It's good he finds a use for his sheep after counting them.

Patti said...

Michael, just include me in the acknowledgements when you publish the Adventures of Insomnia Man.

Michael C said...

Lone Grey: I like the idea of sleepless kid!

HeartsinSanFran: Great point! Instead of the North Pole, he can live at a mattress super store?

Patti: You will definitely get credit


You know everyone, I really appreciate your comments. This might actually have to become a regular feature for my blog...The continuing adventures of Insomnia Man. Thanks!!

sidneywu said...

pretty witty!

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I also found that Stephen King's Insomnia to be good to read during bouts of insomnia...great cure anyway.

SGT DUB said...

Interesting enough, I'm reading this post at 0400 am since i haven't been able to sleep for the last 2 1/2 hours. My darn neighbors are a mere 4 feet away so I have to be a little more quiet, and no drive thrus or cars to wash, but I could visit co-workers I suppose.....

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

nice witty writing michael. do i get a prize now? ha ha ha...

smiles, bee

Alison said...

Wow, another insomniac! Thanks for the tips and witty writing.

Anonymous said...

I'll have to send these to my insomniac friend - if nothing else, she'll get a great kick out of them.

Terri said...

good post!