Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Ashes To Ashes

With the possible exception of the Mt. St. Helens eruption, I can’t remember there being so much said about ashes in the news before. Obviously, I am stretching that fact in blogworthy desperation, but really, two stories about ashes in the same day begs some attention. Therefore, I am begging you to keep reading.

I used to think of the great scenes from ‘Diamonds Are Forever’ and the original ‘Ocean’s-11’ when I thought about cremation, but that has forever been replaced. Our first dusty diatribe is about the remains of James Doohan who played ‘Scotty’ on Star Trek. I think I wrote about this some time ago, but in case you weren’t aware, his family is sending his ashes into space. The rocket carrying his remains and about 200 others will launch from New Mexico later this month. Once in orbit, Doohan will join the remains of Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry, which have been in space since 1997.

I guess there is really nothing wrong with that. Having your earthly remains circle the earth for years until its orbit decays and it falls back to earth in a tiny fireball seems like a fun thing to do. I’m sure Scotty’s loved ones will enjoy the fact that he is circling overhead every night. For the modest $495 fee, space travel is finally affordable. Of course for less than $50 you can put that special person’s remains into a model rocket and launch it tens of feet into the air, but I think you have to get some type of city HAZMAT clearance for it first.

I got a little ashen when I read this next one. It has often been said that the two things that would survive a nuclear holocaust (wasn’t the height of the Cold War fun) are cockroaches and Keith Richards. Well now we know the secret to his longevity. It’s a mixture of cocaine and human ashes – his father’s ashes. That’s right, I just read a story where Keith Richards admitted that he mixed his dad’s ashes with cocaine and snorted it (or him) after his death. One could argue that Keith was so inconsolably saddened by his father’s passing that he didn’t realize what he was doing. My guess is that he was not without an alternative mental influence when he decided to partake of his father, so to speak.

Do you think Mick Jagger and Ron Wood made mental notes not to be cremated when they read the same story? I bet this is just the type of good advance publicity that the nice and proper folks at Disney were hoping for to help promote the upcoming ‘Pirates of the Caribbean 3’ and Keith Richards’ cameo in it. It reminds me of that time back in 1964 when Julie Andrews was picked up for prostitution by local authorities on her way to the premiere of ‘Mary Poppins.’ Yes, I’m kidding. Or am I?

Well, if you have been considering cremation as a memorial alternative, hopefully Scotty and Keith Richards have provided you with two more options. It sure is a lot better way to be treated than having the cleaning lady accidentally knock the urn containing your ashes off the mantle and vacuuming them up only to discover in horror that she also emptied a large dust ball from the bagless vacuum when she filled the urn back up. Right?

11 comments:

Odat said...

LOL...I would love to be beamed up when I go....and I vaguely remember you doing a story about ashes before..and I remember that I said i'd want to be cremated and buried under a giant seqoia tree.
Hey I still have my brother's ashes here in an urn....hmmmmm....
Peace

Jay said...

People are weird. You don't have to convince me of that.

Josie said...

Was Keith Richards actually aware of what he was doing? I thought I had heard everything, but that really takes the cake.

mist1 said...

This is sort of related:

My dad still has a tiny bottle of ashes that he collected from Mount St. Helen. I was infatuated with that bottle as a kid. I still am.

Michael C said...

Odat: I want to be buried with a view of the mountains I've looked at since I was a kid. If I'm cremated, just flush my remains down the toilet. It looked like a pretty fun ride in 'Finding Nemo.'

Jay: SO true, so true

Josie: My guess is he was as aware as he could have been given who he is ;-)

Mist1: That is pretty neat. I have a civil war bullet brought back to me from one of the battlefields. Darn thing jammed my BB gun though.

Lizza said...

I knew about that cockroach/nuclear holocaust survival thing, but I didn't know Keith Richards would survive too. If that's true, I don't think I'd want to live in a barren world populated only by icky bugs and a human who snorts ashes. :-D

Terri said...

I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit when I heard the Keith Richards story this morning. How disgusting and this has to be a first (or at least a publicized first). Yuck.

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I want to be cremated, but now I'm REALLY hoping that Keith Richards is dead by then. I don't really want to be snorted up that guy's nose...or come in contact with ANY part of him at any rate.

I remember a few years ago when he made the cover of RS and I went around to my siblings going..."This is why you never want to do drugs, you'll grow up looking like Keith Richards". I'm proud to say that my siblings are drug free. :)

Natalie said...

I have a co-worker who has left explicit instructions that he is to be cremated, ashes scattered in a planter, marijuana grown in said planter, and friends smoke the marijuana on the one year anniversary of his death. He is a bit of a pothead.

On a more serious note, I can see the symbolism of wanting to take in a part of a loved one. I think that is how most old time ritual cannibalism was done. Not so much we'll eat you cause we're hungry but we'll eat you to commune with your spirit. That being said, it is pretty odd for modern society.

Erica AP said...

I've just started watching Star Trek reruns and now when I see Scottie I'll know he's really in space... Not just fake space.

heather said...

apparently there is a company in switzerland that will turn your ashes into a man made diamond. of the options mentioned here that's the most appealing to me. i like the irony of someone who used to make jewelry becoming jewelry.