Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 4/22/07-4/28/07.
! I learned that when one of your fish dies you had better get it out of the tank before your young daughters see it and you find yourself explaining about fish heaven, which somehow turns into a discussion of Finding Nemo and The Incredible Mister Limpet.
! I learned that giving myself a haircut only seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning when I was deliriously tired and wanted shorter hair, not 8 in the morning when I’m standing in front of the mirror. Does Hare Krishna mean anything to you?
! I learned that in the grand scheme of things, getting to work extra early for a change doesn’t really help you impress the boss when he isn’t there. Sending emails to him and your coworkers so that they know what time you arrived only helps to give you a bad nickname containing words like ‘brown’ and ‘kiss.’
! I learned that despite their assurances otherwise, my four-year-old twins will not keep it secret that I let them watch 4 movies and have 3 snacks last Saturday night so that I could watch my race in peace.
! I learned that most people think it is inappropriate to feed little children Elvis’ fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches. It’s a shame too because they really enjoyed them.
! I learned that you are truly off the beaten path when you come across a ‘town’ (and I use the word very liberally) that allows zoning for a mansion, a trailer home, a BBQ joint and a crematorium on the same block. If we only knew which of the last two that the smoke was coming from.