Thursday, April 26, 2007

See What I Just Did…Kind Of

As an office dwelling sub-middle manager with two four-year olds who think they are in their mid-40s, I can’t brag of having the most exciting lifestyle. Reading and talking about other’s exploits in blogsville lately have made me realize that there are times I could or should live vicariously through someone else for the thrill I think I’m missing. It’s rather efficient when you think about it. I would get to enjoy others' cool experiences without ever leaving my home. You know, that might be described as lazy more than anything else, but we’ll ignore that for now.

Living vicariously through someone could be the next big frontier in entertainment (aside from pairing Celine Dion with Elvis on American Idol apparently. If I’d had a gun when I saw that last night I would have shot it out in defense of The King’s honor, but I guess that’s what happens when it was decided not to sign Elvis’ estate over to me). Vicarious living is practically the poor man’s virtual reality.

I could create a fee or license to live vicariously through someone else’s adventures. But what rights could be extended to both parties involved? Does a fee or license actually give the ‘vicarousee’ (the person who sits and watches) the rights to claim having done what the ‘vicariouser’ (the doer) actually did? Do both parties have to sign agreements of conduct and liability waivers? By signing, does the vicariouser forever lose the right to brag about what they did like spray painting the name of their girlfriend on the town water tower? Does the vicariousee pay ahead of time for the bragging rights or after? Can they pick beforehand what they would like done? If so, chances are that the vicariouser would not be spray-painting the name of his girlfriend, but rather the name of the vicariousee’s girlfriend. This has the potential to get confusing, but I’ll let someone else figure out the logistics. I’ll be sure and let you know what they find out.

As you can see, like genetic cloning, stem cell research and which was the better Darren on ‘Bewitched,’ there a lot of questions involved with living vicariously. Perhaps I would be the right person to ponder and then some day (like when I have nothing else to do) determine the answers to these questions. Maybe I will enter the field of vicarious experience brokering. It might be a little slow at first, but once the word of mouth gets going, I’m sure it’s bound to take off. I’ve always been an entrepreneur at heart and this may turn out to be the next big thing I’ve been searching for. I could make a living pairing up people who do stuff with people who want to talk about doing stuff.

Have you ever wanted to brag about the rush of skydiving but are too scared to even approach an airplane? No problem, I’ll hook you up with an experienced skydiver, you can watch what he does from the safety of the ground and then you get an hour of one on one time as he explains his sky dive to you. I’ll even Photoshop you into his skydiving photo and just like that, you can amaze your friends and coworkers with the skydiver’s, I mean your, skydiving exploits.

Does that cute secretary in the corner near the elevator make your heart cry ‘humina, humina, humina?’ Not a problem. I’ll get someone to wine and dine her (my professionalism prevents me from cutting costs and dating her myself, sorry), describe the evening and provide a doctored tableside photo of the two of you so that you will be the envy of the guys in the office.

Imagine being able to tell people you are meeting for the first time that you have met former Presidents, invented the riding lawn mower, sang with Wayne Newton, were the inspiration for Forrest Gump (actually, that might not be anything to brag about), did all of Burt Reynolds’ stunts in ‘Smokey and the Bandit,’ won the Indy 500, scaled Mt. Everest, swam with sharks and created the at home latte machine. Through my incredible service, you’ll be able to describe these events and more as well as have the photos to prove it. Just think what this will do for your social life.

Now if I can just find someone to loan me the money to film an infomercial and record a set of instructional DVD’s to explain my vicarious experience brokerage. On second thought, I’m pretty busy right now. I guess I could just pay someone to do all that for me and I’ll take the credit.


captain corky said...

I'll pay you big bucks just to get me a seat on a plane next to Donny Most. After that I'll handle the rest.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant. Can I invent creamies?

Patti said...

I was laughing out loud reading this. I tend to live vicariously myself. I'm not much of a risk-taker.

In my opinion the original Darren, Dick York, was the better of the two. Maybe because he was first...The other guy was OK, but I missed the early years. It's making me sad becuse both Darrens are no longer with us. Neither is Samantha
Or Agnes Moorehead, her mother. for that matter.

mist1 said...

I'm not jumping out of any planes soon, but I'll let you know when I do. If you would like to vicariously do my dishes for me, I won't even charge you a fee.

Odat said...

That was brillant michael...ahahahahahahaha.....
the at home latte machine?????? omg! too funny....

Michael C said...

Captain: I'll work on that for you pronto!

Anonymous: I have no idea what creamies are, but you can invent them ;-)

Patti: Sorry to make you remember the passing of almost the entire cast of that show. If I tell you that I went to all of their funerals, you can say you attended vicariously through me ;-)

Mist: When you skydive, I'll gladly do the dishes. Ah heck, I'm feeling generous so I'll just do the dishes anyway. You want charge for breakage though, will you?

Odat: Thanks! I'm sure the at home latte machine changed the lives of at least a few people, right?

Patti said...

Michael, It's good to read that you don't know what creamies are either. I was beginning to feel out of the loop.

Erica AP said...

I totally live vicariously through other blogs... There's one where this girl has just fallen in love and I'm like, "Awwwwe..." and then I live vicariously through your blog about how much fun you have at work. I don't really make any noises like, "Awwwe..." but there might be some kind of voice in my head cursing my job. :)

Natalie said...

I think this is what reality TV is all about although on a smaller scale. We really are a society of lazy voyeurs.

James Burnett said...

I want to be Captain Corky-like for a day. Can you make that happen?

Michael C said...

Patti: We probably don't want to know what they are ;-)

Erica AP: Believe me, no one in my office is ever saying 'awwww' ;-)

Natalie: You are soooooo right!

James: I have no problem with that, let me check with the Captain.

Anonymous said...

Creamies are simply ice-cream on a stick, like popsicles except chocolate flavored. I was actually suprised to hear you hadn't heard of them - but that's okay, I don't know what you're talking about half the time... :D