Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday (except for this weekend obviously). It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason, always makes me look pathetic. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 2/18/07-2/25/07.
! I learned that when I think there is only the slightest possibility that I might receive my annual employee review, I should not wear a Hawaiian shirt to work, especially when I haven’t shaved in 6 days.
! I learned that when I give Lucy and Ethel bike helmets to wear when they ride their motorized three wheel bikes, it only encourages their reckless behavior.
! I learned that just as soon as I get the yards looking green, lush and beautiful, the gophers will remember how to get back to my house and bring several friends.
! I learned that I should not go for frozen yogurt in the middle of the afternoon and bring it back to finish in my office unless I brought some back for everybody.
! I learned that I should not spend almost 5 hours of my Sunday ignoring my family while watching the Daytona 500 and then as soon as that ends head upstairs to watch the NBA All-Star Game for the next 3 hours. Geesh, whatever happened to being the King of the castle?
! I learned that I will never again enjoy a snack peacefully as long as Lucy and Ethel are around. It turns out that constant repetition of the phrase ‘Can I have a bite, can I have a bite, can I, Can I?’ in stereo is actually a great dietary aid.