A Great Idea Almost Goes Right Down The Drain

I don’t know if the news was slow this past weekend or not, but I kept seeing one little news item over and over. It wasn’t about the war, the environment or Paris Hilton, the story was about a new urinal cake. Yep, urinal cake, you read it right. A few hundred of the $21 units were recently purchased by New Mexico. If you are wondering what makes the urinal cake so special, well it’s because it’s coconut flavored with a light zesty icing and lemon filling. Of course I’m kidding; the cake actually speaks to users, if users is the appropriate term. It’s all part of an attempt to get men from drinking and driving. The urinal cakes suggest that if you’ve had too much to drink you should find another way home. No word yet on what they are using for women, which is fine with me…

I sure hope there is some type of warning posted in the men’s restrooms where these things are going to be used or the janitorial staff may have a little extra cleaning to do. The voice of the cake (there’s an audition I would like to have been present for) is female, thus ensuring the attention of every drunk male attempting to relieve himself. I personally would just assume that I have finally cracked and suffered a mental breakdown or that my Lord is really, really trying to get my attention when I realize that the urinal cake is speaking to me. It makes me wonder if whatever they decide to use for the lady’s room will be voiced by Antonio Banderas?

Since the technology is now available, it got me thinking about other great uses for talking urinal cakes (which I have to admit is another great name for a rock band). Perhaps the cakes could question a man’s choice of date by asking ‘hey dude, do you really want to take her home?’ They could be used to remind the male patron to zip up, check his hair or tip his waitress. If a restaurant is trying to promote a new great dinner item or appetizer, what better way to promote it than a talking urinal cake? After all, the best place to hear things in a restaurant or bar is the restroom. As my family can attest, there are times we are out at dinner when I hear a good song I haven’t heard in a while and excuse myself to go into the restroom to hear it.

Although the talking cakes are being used to deter drinking and driving (and hopefully for their original purpose of maintaining a semi-clean urinal), their advertising potential is unlimited, with the exception of lemonade perhaps. You could advertise virtually anything you wanted that would appeal to men. Ok not everything, since we have to automatically take fashion out of the equation since it’s a men only audience. Cars, sporting goods, home repair, etc. are all fair game. I’m sure Dewalt, Black and Decker, Budweiser, Chevy, Bass Pro Shops, Swanson, Coke or McDonalds would love to run ads on urinal cakes, especially at sporting events. The only decision facing the advertising and marketing agencies is whether to use a woman’s voice and if the ads should be serious or funny. I wonder which would work better:

‘Hi sexy, this is Beyonce and while you’re busy going, I want to talk to you about the new line of Chevy trucks,’

Or

‘Hey, this is Jerry Seinfeld. Why is it called a rest room? You really don’t rest in here and it’s not an actual room. Now I need to speak to you about erectile dysfunction…’

It seems to me that both approaches would work pretty well, although Beyonce may get a little more attention. Now if you could figure out a way to insert a radio receiver inside the urinal cake and place ads on the cake itself that would actually stay attached, you could provide play by play of sporting events that are in progress and corner any market. Talking urinal cakes, isn’t technological progress grand?

The batteries for the cakes are estimated to last about three months. Replacing the batteries in a used urinal cake? Now there’s a job that makes cleaning up after a horse parade look palatable…