Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Not So Wicked Witch Of The South

This is a very bad coincidence, but I’m going ahead with it anyway. My friend from work sent me an email joke about how to deal with aging wives and suggested I blog about it. Unfortunately, I was already going to write about a witch that was recently pardoned. Disclaimer: In no way am I suggesting a link between or the similarities of aging wives and witches. It’s just bad timing, but I’ve got nothing else to write about tonight!

So here goes. I read an interesting story not too long ago about a woman named Grace Sherwood. She was convicted of being a witch in Virginia in 1706. That’s right, 300 years ago and I’m reading and writing about it now. Forgive me, things take a little while as I have dial-up. But seriously, her fellow townsfolk accused her of many things so she was tried for being a witch.

The catch is how she was tried - by water. If her body floated, she was judged a witch and sentenced to prison and most certainly a life of loneliness as an outcast witch. However, to be considered innocent (which you would imagine she would want), Sherwood had to sink and of course drown. Which is completely useless because she would be dead. So in the early 1700s, the choices were: survive and have a horrible life or be innocent to the world and dead.

Fortunately for her, a nice woman named Belinda Nash who was familiar with Sherwood’s story pursued the case. She was able to get a pardon granted to Sherwood by Virginia’s Governor 300 years to the day of the original trial. Now I have heard tales about the wheels of justice moving slowly, but this takes the cake. Imagine if her trial had happened in present day. Where in the world would we get 12 impartial witches to serve as a jury of Sherwood’s peers?


Anonymous said...

It is important for men to remember that, as women grow older, it
>> becomes harder for them to maintain the same quality of housekeeping as
>> when they were younger. When you notice this, try not to yell at them.
>> Some are oversensitive, and there's nothing worse than an oversensitive
>> woman.
>> My name is Bob. Let me relate how I handled the situation with my
>> wife, Debbie. When I took "early retirement" last year, it became
>> necessary for Debbie to get a full-time job along with her part-time job,
>> both for extra income and for the health benefits that we needed. Shortly
>> after she started working, I noticed she was beginning to show her age.
>> I usually get home from the golf course about the same time she
>> gets home from work.
>> Although she knows how hungry I am, she almost always says she has
>> to rest for half an hour or so before she starts dinner. I don't yell at
>> her. Instead, I tell her to take her time and just wake me when she gets
>> dinner on the table. I generally have lunch in the Men's Grill at the
>> club so eating out is not reasonable. I'm ready for some home cooked grub
>> when I hit that door.
>> She used to do the dishes as soon as we finished eating. But now
>> it's not unusual for them to sit on the table for several hours after
>> dinner. I do what I can by diplomatically reminding her several times
>> each evening that they won't clean themselves. I know she really
>> appreciates this, as it does seem to motivate her to get them done before
>> she goes to bed.
>> Another symptom of aging is complaining, I think. For example she
>> will say that it is difficult for her to find time to pay the monthly
>> bills during her lunch hour. But, boys, we take 'em for better or worse,
>> so I just smile and offer encouragement. I tell her to stretch it out
>> over two or even three days. That way she won't have to rush so much. I
>> also remind her that missing lunch completely now and then wouldn't hurt
>> her any (if you know what I mean). I like to think tact is one of my
>> strong points.
>> When doing simple jobs, she seems to think she needs more rest
>> periods. She had to take a break when she was only half finished mowing
>> the yard. I try not to make a scene. I'm a fair man. I tell her to fix
>> herself a nice, big, cold glass of freshly squeezed lemonade and just sit
>> for a while. And, as long as she is making one for herself, she may as
>> well make one for me too.
>> I know that I probably look like a saint in the way I support
>> Debbie. I'm not saying that showing this much consideration is easy. Many
>> men will find it difficult. Some will find it impossible! Nobody knows
>> better than I do how frustrating women get as they get older. However,
>> guys, even if you just use a little more tact and less criticism of your
>> aging wife because of this article, I will consider that writing it was
>> well worthwhile.
>> After all, we are put on this earth to help each other.....
>> Signed,
>> Bob
>> EDITOR'S NOTE: Bob died suddenly on May 27th. The police report
>> says that he was found with a Calloway extra long 50-inch Big Bertha
>> Driver II golf club rammed up his ass, with only 2 inches of grip
>> showing. His wife Debbie was arrested and charged with murder; however,
>> the all-woman jury found her Not Guilty, accepting her defense that he
>> accidentally sat down on it...

Michael C said...

Ok, the email I referred to in tonight's blog was posted after I referred to it. There were only 4 people who got the email in question and only 2 who would know how or find it funny to post it. All I can say is you know who you are...DB and JW

Anonymous said...

Yeah, like JW has the Jalapenos to do that. Sorry JW, nothing but the truth from DB.

Have a great weekend & don't take yourself too seriously. Do something nice for someone & don't get caught.

Becky said...

You don't have to venture back to the 1700's for this type of thing. A friend of ours is a professor of Latin American Studies and has researched the CURRENT phenomenon of 'werewolves' in many South American countries.

They are typically middle-aged women, unmarried, who live on their own and are often blamed by community members for accidents that happen near their homes. Many have been jailed by the local police 'for their own safety', although I don't think any of them are forced to float...