New Years Resolutions – This Year, They’re Gonna Stick!

Well, that time is upon us again. No not preseason NASCAR testing, although I can tell you where I will be January 31st and February 1st… And not endless shrimp at Red Lobster or that time of year where I wake up and realize I have been wasting my life at my current job or that time of year where I begin working on new methods of freezing eggnog so that I can enjoy it mid-summer. I mean 2008. Well OK, 2008 is not here AGAIN, but it’s here. What I mean is the New Year. Well, this New Year, not the last New Year. That one is almost over and we should not dwell on the past, unless you have some rare memory disease or really like the movie Ground Hog Day. Or if you are a historian. Yes, a historian would be a perfectly acceptable reason to dwell on the past.

To get to the point I was starting to explain several sentences ago, just let me say that the New Year is here and we all know we are going to make resolutions. They say that you should commit them to paper or share them with friends so that you feel a greater urge to keep to them. With that in mind, I am presenting to you, the kind and benevolent blog reader, my 2008 New Years Resolutions…

10. No more Robert Goulet songs during family Karaoke parties. This was a hard resolution to commit to, but as I found myself sitting alone putting my heart and soul into performing singing selections from the Robert Goulet Christmas catalog on Christmas Day, I knew what must be done.

9. To figure out (without anyone in the office realizing what I am up to) what everyone spends all day working on. I’m kinda getting the feeling that not everyone else is done with their duties by 9:45 every morning.

8. To show up on time each day for work. And by ‘on time,’ I mean within 35 minutes. I should also admit that by ‘each day,’ I mean 2-3 days a week, give or take a day. Or two.

7. I will find a way to beat Lucy and Ethel (who I would like to remind you are only 5 years old) at Wii Bowling. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful feeling to see them excited about winning. Just not at my expense, OK?

6. I will find a way to beat Lucy and Ethel (who I would like to remind you are only 5 years old) at Wii Tennis. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a wonderful feeling to see them excited about winning. Just not at my expense, OK? On second thought, anyone want to buy a brand new Wii off of me?

5. Eat more fried cheese. Come on now, I think we ALL know we need to commit time and effort to this one.

4. To be more hip in 2008. May I reference numbers 10, 9 and 8 as evidence of my efforts, or as evidence that my hip factor index is on the lower end of the scale.

3. To stop working the phrase ‘on my blog…’ into all of my conversations.

2. To be called into our company’s HR office for a GOOD reason this year.

And my number 1 resolution for 2008 is…

1. To keep you, the blog reader, entertained each and every day of the new year.

OK, that one was a cop out designed solely to bring you back to read more. It was cheap and unnecessary and I apologize. Please, allow me to do #1 over, ok?

Alright, my revised #1 resolution for 2008 is…

1. To get back to visiting all of your blogs on a much more frequent basis.

OK, you got me. I did it again. Sorry. Last time, I swear. My new and improved #1 resolution for 2008 is…

1. Find ways to incorporate bacon into at least two meals every day. And help promote world peace while at the same time reducing global warming and finding new energy sources and fuel alternatives, as well as getting at least one program onto the Discovery Channel or Food Network. Oh, and more sunny afternoons spent on the hammock I got two years ago but have not taken out of the box yet. I’m so dedicated to this one that I even wrote a new song about it to the tune of ‘U Can’t Touch This.’ Yep, it’s called ‘Hammock Time.’

It’s going to be a busy year, but I am brimming with excitement at the potential of the ‘new’ me if I can succeed with what I am sure you will agree are very bold resolutions. After all, there’s only like what, 150 days in year? I think I can do that.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!