Random Monday

Here we are on another Monday, but at least this one is in December. Today is the last day to submit screenplays and all that for Academy Award consideration, so I need to get busy and write one so that I can submit it. I’m thinking I may have waited a little too long this year to get my butt in gear and write my film masterpiece. What sounds better, the time traveler who time travels in a Porta-Potty or the story of two college room mates who reunite 25 years after college only to realize that one stole the other’s identity and has been pretending he was his former roommate? I also have some rough ideas for ‘Rachael Ray: The Movie,’ but I’d prefer to nail down whether it will take place in Food Network times or her talk show times. I would also like to have Dolly Parton play Paula Deen and Peter Brady to play Bobby Flay. Giada can play herself though.

Since I need to hurry and get my script done and then find an agent and then find an agent who likes me, I’ll just post random musings today. I know it's cheating, but I'm choosing to look the other way. If I get any lazier, I should rename my blog ‘The Wonderful World of Bullets.’ Since these are random, they will appear in no particular order, except the last one. It’ll appear last. Unless I think of something after I write the last one, or in that case, the next to last one…

* My first doctor told me that my heart valve is leaking again, I have a restriction of blood flow and my left ventricle doesn’t get enough blood. I thought that’s why I had surgery 2 years ago. Today, my second doctor said that the results were difficult to be sure of and that was abnormal but he thinks everything will be ok and then ordered another test. Apparently, this is why doctors ‘practice’ medicine rather than ‘perfect’ it.

* You CAN cut yourself with an electric razor. It’s surprisingly easy.

* It’s a cruel, cruel thing that our office is right next to a gym, but we have no windows through which to look.

* Don’t use the phrase ‘keep on keepin’ on’ at work. Coworkers will begin accusing you of watching the Brady Bunch. Instead, try ‘stay the course.’ It’s more professional and lends itself to cool politician-like hand gestures.

* I am a firm believer that ANYTHING can be deep fried. If you don’t believe me, open up your fridge or pantry, close your eyes and deep fry the first thing you touch. Then be sure to thank me. Unless you grab a bottle of seasoning salt.

* According to my coworkers, December 3rd is too early to wear a Christmas tie. Now that I have been singled out, I feel naked. I wonder if this is how the first person who ever put on a Halloween costume felt.

* I am not near my Ipod right now and I miss it. I have christened it ‘Benny’ (thanks Meleah).

* The best way to overcome writer’s block is to just keep writing until you break through. Then, be sure to trash the 37 aborted blog posts, drafts and ideas you used to break through. I say this because there is just no way that a blog post titled ‘Other things you can do with toilet paper’ is going to end up well.

* To lighten up the mood at work, just start randomly dancing outside of your coworkers’ cubicles. I guarantee it will lighten up your mood. It probably won’t do much for your coworkers though.

* You know you haven’t gotten enough sleep when your alarm goes off and you attempt to answer the phone…the same way you answer your office one.

* If I ever open a restaurant, it will be called ‘Fry Baby’s.’ The house special will be Friday Night’s ‘You Bring It, We Fry It.’ You will however have to sign a liability waiver first.

* Even though he was a Wal-Mart Santa, he could have worn black boots instead of tennis shoes. It also would have been nice if he was at least in his 30’s, but I’ll let that go. After all, what can you say when Lucy and Ethel declare, ‘But he doesn’t look like one of Santa’s helpers.’ Telling them that ‘most elves have a very youthful appearance’ didn’t really help.

* Wow, Sammy Davis Jr. was a talented cat. Imagine how talented he would have been if he’d had two eyes.