Monday, December 03, 2007

Random Monday

Here we are on another Monday, but at least this one is in December. Today is the last day to submit screenplays and all that for Academy Award consideration, so I need to get busy and write one so that I can submit it. I’m thinking I may have waited a little too long this year to get my butt in gear and write my film masterpiece. What sounds better, the time traveler who time travels in a Porta-Potty or the story of two college room mates who reunite 25 years after college only to realize that one stole the other’s identity and has been pretending he was his former roommate? I also have some rough ideas for ‘Rachael Ray: The Movie,’ but I’d prefer to nail down whether it will take place in Food Network times or her talk show times. I would also like to have Dolly Parton play Paula Deen and Peter Brady to play Bobby Flay. Giada can play herself though.

Since I need to hurry and get my script done and then find an agent and then find an agent who likes me, I’ll just post random musings today. I know it's cheating, but I'm choosing to look the other way. If I get any lazier, I should rename my blog ‘The Wonderful World of Bullets.’ Since these are random, they will appear in no particular order, except the last one. It’ll appear last. Unless I think of something after I write the last one, or in that case, the next to last one…

* My first doctor told me that my heart valve is leaking again, I have a restriction of blood flow and my left ventricle doesn’t get enough blood. I thought that’s why I had surgery 2 years ago. Today, my second doctor said that the results were difficult to be sure of and that was abnormal but he thinks everything will be ok and then ordered another test. Apparently, this is why doctors ‘practice’ medicine rather than ‘perfect’ it.

* You CAN cut yourself with an electric razor. It’s surprisingly easy.

* It’s a cruel, cruel thing that our office is right next to a gym, but we have no windows through which to look.

* Don’t use the phrase ‘keep on keepin’ on’ at work. Coworkers will begin accusing you of watching the Brady Bunch. Instead, try ‘stay the course.’ It’s more professional and lends itself to cool politician-like hand gestures.

* I am a firm believer that ANYTHING can be deep fried. If you don’t believe me, open up your fridge or pantry, close your eyes and deep fry the first thing you touch. Then be sure to thank me. Unless you grab a bottle of seasoning salt.

* According to my coworkers, December 3rd is too early to wear a Christmas tie. Now that I have been singled out, I feel naked. I wonder if this is how the first person who ever put on a Halloween costume felt.

* I am not near my Ipod right now and I miss it. I have christened it ‘Benny’ (thanks

* The best way to overcome writer’s block is to just keep writing until you break through. Then, be sure to trash the 37 aborted blog posts, drafts and ideas you used to break through. I say this because there is just no way that a blog post titled ‘Other things you can do with toilet paper’ is going to end up well.

* To lighten up the mood at work, just start randomly dancing outside of your coworkers’ cubicles. I guarantee it will lighten up your mood. It probably won’t do much for your coworkers though.

* You know you haven’t gotten enough sleep when your alarm goes off and you attempt to answer the phone…the same way you answer your office one.

* If I ever open a restaurant, it will be called ‘Fry Baby’s.’ The house special will be Friday Night’s ‘You Bring It, We Fry It.’ You will however have to sign a liability waiver first.

* Even though he was a Wal-Mart Santa, he could have worn black boots instead of tennis shoes. It also would have been nice if he was at least in his 30’s, but I’ll let that go. After all, what can you say when Lucy and Ethel declare, ‘But he doesn’t look like one of Santa’s helpers.’ Telling them that ‘most elves have a very youthful appearance’ didn’t really help.

* Wow, Sammy Davis Jr. was a talented cat. Imagine how talented he would have been if he’d had two eyes.


AndreAnna said...

I've answered my alarm clock before too!

What's worse, in early parenthood, I used to do really random crap, like put the eggs in the bathroom cabinet or pots in the freezer.

I swear, we become mental mush when we have kids, and if we're already a little on the brain-squishy side to begin with, it can set those of us into a PDS (persistent dumbass state).

Odat said...

Hey...I once had a car I named Benny!

LOL @ the answering the clock!

And really, you've got to find a "real" Santa for Lucy and Ethel.


Valerie said...

I am an advocate of the dancing at work. I practice that policy as often as I can.

Open Grove Claudia said...

Sorry about the heart thing - that's just so scary, especially when you have children. I hope you are feeling better.

What's wrong with watching the Brady Bunch?

chefmom said...

Since I am new here, PLEASE tell me you are NOT a rachel ray fan! If you are, I wouldn't read teh posts I've written about her. Oh and MMMMMMMM Deep fried snickers bars!!!!! 1 word: Orgasmic!

Natalie said...

I would like to know about other things you can do with toilet paper.

Michael C said...

AA: I was born with PDS. I may be its poster child.

Odat: We just happened to be at Wal-Mart. My kids only get the finest. Target has a Santa, right??

Valerie: Then you need to come work in my office!

Claudia: I love the Bradys. It's my coworkers that aren't do down with it.

Chefmom: Rachael scares me. I think she will rule the world soon though. All that remains in her way is Oprah.

Natalie: It makes perfect snow for your Christmas tree ;-)

La Sapphire Fliteur said...

Ok I have it, whilst you were writing this specific post, you were seriously craving some fried food, and that would mean you would have eaten anything fried! Hmm wondering if you would eat ice-cream fried if it were possible? Yeah you would find a way by the sounds of things!

CrystalChick said...

Is there a place I can go and NOT hear something about Rachael Ray????... apparently NOT. LOL
Hubby luvs her... and when she recently came to a NJ Mall for whatever she's promoting now... I did try to go and get him a picture, but with 600+ people in line I laughed and went on about my shopping.
Now Bobby Flay, I might wait awhile for. Hmmm
I still watch old reruns of the Brady Bunch. Shhhhh

chefmom said...

I would stand in Rachel Ray's way, she would never rule the world...she'd never get past me. (enter evil laugh here) and I've met Bobby Flay, He's a pompus prick. Sorry to burst anyone's bubble!!

chefmom said...

Sorry to post again, BUT, I just got a recipe in my inbox from Restaurant Industry mag., for deep fried Chocolate chip cookies, in funnel cake batter!!! That might not help the heart tho....I'm happy to forward it to you if you like :)

Michael C said...

Sapphire: There is a dish called fried ice cream. Yeah, I love it.

Crystalchick: I'm sure your hubby would give you major points for that!

Chefmom: Comment all you want. I actually blacked out momentarily when I read that ANYTHING was dipped in funnel cake batter. I would LOVE the recipe.

I could believe the Bobby Flay thing and culinary school is always going to be that 'maybe someday' thing for me, right alongside 'submit a TV script.'

meleah rebeccah said...

I love your BULLET posts....

Heres a bullet comment=

*Keep me posted with the HEART/MED conditions. Im hoping for GOOD news

*Electric razors are scary.

*stay the course....HAHAHHAHA

*mmmmmmmm deep fried.

*Its never too early to rock the xams tie...that loong as it is Decemeber.

*I am toad-ily using THAT cure for writers block from now on.

*Thanks for the nod/mention (BENNY is a great name)

*Ill ask my dad to do all the dancing outside the cubicals in my office....its juts funnier when he does it... must be you December babies.

PS........*you will always have separation anxiety anytime you leave your house with out your iPod

*The last one was great

FRIGGA said...

Please let me know when Fry Baby's opens - I'll be first in line on Friday night with all sorts of cheese and other stuff :-0...

You must know some of my coworkers, as sometimes they can be found randomly dancing in office... :-0