More Bullets…Also Known As Random Thoughts Kill…Not Really, But I Bet It Got Your Attention.

Well, it’s Monday again. Not a big fan of the Monday. I started thinking again this weekend and decided it was random bullet time again, especially since I wasn’t sure what else to write. There is nothing as intimidating as a blank page to a writer. Actually I guess that’s not entirely true. Ticking off a biker gang known as the Rabid Renegades would probably be more intimidating. As would being trapped in a burning barn, or any burning structure, like an outhouse. That would be bad. Having a nosebleed in shark infested waters would also be highly undesirable and intimidating. So would misplacing one of your children at Disneyland, only to learn she was right behind you the whole time. Ok, that was probably more embarrassing than intimidating, but that’s beside the point. Intimidating would also describe showing up to a family function wearing a Mountain Dew t-shirt when everyone else is in khakis and dress shirts. This could also be described as the ‘black sheep’ phenomenon. All right, enough of describing ways to feel intimidated, on to the random bullets. If any of these sound like a good blog post, please let me know. The idea tank is running on fumes…

* Why is the word ‘intimidating’ so similar to the word intimate. I find them to be very different in meaning and experience.

* Can you really say something ‘tongue in cheek?’ If you can, is it understandable or does it sound like you have been afflicted by a terrible speech impediment.

* Next time someone tells me to bite my tongue while speaking, I am going to tell them no. It hurts too much and makes you lisp for days. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

* I wish my coworkers would find my new cell phone ring featuring Homer Simpson saying ‘Doh’ 30 different ways as entertaining as I do.

* When will the world finally be ready for a sitcom about the happenings at a Septic tank manufacturing and cleaning company? Perhaps I need to change my working title of ‘Tanked’ to something more exciting. The more I think about it, calling something tanked on TV probably isn’t that great of a description.

* Would a show called ‘Swimming With Octopi’ make you want to tune in? How about ‘Dancing With Starving Pythons?’ Or ‘Trying to Stick A Needle Into A Collapsed Vein.’

* Why do old people complain so much? Conventional wisdom would make you think they’d be happy to still be alive. I realize that might seem harsh, so please don’t email me to tell me so. Feel free to email me for other reasons, just not that one.

* If I decide to self-publish all of my blog posts into a book called ‘Stuff You Can Read On The Internet For Free,’ I wonder if it would sell. And could I brag that I was a published author afterwards. I am seriously tempted to do this. I could have entire chapters focused on cheese, lobster, my office or the problems with adjustable mortgages as they relate to the escalating production costs of integrated motherboards and goat’s milk. I’ve been thinking about getting the Surgeon General to write the Foreward.

* If I drop a brick on my big toe in the middle of the forest and cuss to the point that a veteran sailor or member of congress would blush and no one hears it, am I still bad for using foul language?

* If I yell out the words ‘Oh duck it,’ or ‘That ducking hurts,’ am I using ‘fowl’ language?

* Was that last bullet point so lame that I should delete my blog and never write publicly again? This might severely affect the proposed name of my self-published book of writing mentioned just 3 bullet points above. Did you go back and look? I think I counted them correctly.

* I wonder if my lack of promotion and upwards advancement in my company is related to the fact that I have more toys on my desk than file folders or that I occasionally skip and hop through the office when in a good mood. At first I thought it was because I blog at work and have spent years trying to get by with the least amount of effort possible, but it’s probably the whole being a big kid thing. That reminds me, I need to get out the multi-holed ghost costume and bag of rocks for the Charlie Brown figurine on my desk now that it’s October.

* When I stop to think that I could’ve had a V-8, it makes me think what else I could’ve had. Like a winning lottery ticket or meningitis. Or maybe a BBQ’d turkey leg the size of an ostrich’s calf. Yeah, I could’ve had one of those.

That’s it for the bullets. I do have to say that yesterday was a sad day. Lois Maxwell, the original Ms. Money Penny died. She was 80 and will always be the greatest Moneypenny ever. I can still her saying 'Oh James.' Did you know she was born in Canada? I thought that was particularly interesting.

And speaking of being born in the country of our neighbors to the north, I found out that my great grandparents were born there too. How this finally came to light in my grandparents’ 85th year of life is beyond me, but I guess I can now say that I have some Canadian heritage in me. Oh man I hope I’m related to William Shatner. And maybe that’s why I’m such a big fan of Canada’s The Red Green Show. I guess this makes me a Southern Californ-adian? Eh…dude!