Thursday, October 11, 2007

It’s Time For Me To Rhyme

First off, days don’t get too much better than Wednesday. I ate at the always way too friendly Chick-Fil-A, found out my contacts are doing fine, wore my ‘More Cowbell’ t-shirt for the first time and had dinner at Rubios only to discover that LOBSTER burritos and tacos are back (for a limited time of course). While that would have been a great day by itself, it got even better. I FINALLY got my hands on the Limited Edition 3 Elvis Pez set (1970’s concert jumpsuit Elvis is my favorite) AND my friend The Laughorist paid up on our bet of whether his Giants or my Dodgers would do better. The non-winner (because loser just doesn’t apply here) had to write an ode about the winner’s team. It is beautifully written and can be found here. Ok enough of how great my day was. On to the post…

In my comments section yesterday,
Odat wrote what I thought was the coolest poem. It has inspired me to try and flex my poetic muscles. Keep in mind that I am more Maya Rudolph than Maya Angelou and more Jack Frost than Robert Frost, but I have been told by Lucy and Ethel that I bust mad back to back rhymes when I am giving them a bath. Ok, I know -when will I learn to stop trying to use cool phrases like ‘busting mad rhymes?’ Well, here we go, please read them slow, because I want you to know each word that I am saying. And no, I’m not just playing. See, I’m already in prime form…

That’s what she said
This phrase is always in my head
It might mean that my thoughts are not always pure
But you can be sure
If you say something in my presence
I will definitely be trying to use TWSS in a sentence

I got on my new Ab Lounger XL to firm up my tummy
This is necessary because I like things (particularly meats and cheeses) that are yummy
I used it wrong
Now I fear that the only thing that will be strong
Is my back
Can that even have a 6-pack?

My new contact lenses tend to get blurry
When I blink it clears
So I don’t think I should worry
I tend to think
And I tend to blink
When I insert them
Then I end up trying to stick the shape of a burrito in my eye
This will probably result in a sty
Oh my

I like fried food
I have since the first time I saw it and chewed
It may not be good FOR me
But it tastes good TO me
I realize that the last phrase only rhymes because I used the same word twice
It’s ok if I acknowledge that, but if you do, it’s just not nice
Now I am craving rice

Now that I no longer wear prescription glasses
I can buy any pair of cool sunglasses
I just got a great pair
They even look good with my hair
But the best part of my new sunglasses
Is that it covers my eyes when I try to look at ladies’ fine, round…..uh, choice of business attire

Ok, I am done. That was kinda fun. Thanks for taking the time to read while I rhyme. Now I think I shall eat pie made of key-lime.
And to paraphrase Mike Meyers from my all-time favorite movie, ‘These Poems…Suck.’


Airam said...

The fact that you started that poem with "that's what she said" makes you a hero in my books.

And I don't know why but that Elvis pez picture just made me giggle!

AndreAnna said...

You oogling women just doesn't fit...

The Kimmer said...

Hey Michael! Funny thing, I collect Tony Stewart PEZ! Small world. I'll have to take a picture of the few that I have so far and send it to you one of these days.
I actually have a diecast-sized (plastic) Tony Stewart car that you can pull back and it goes on it's own power. AND it's a PEZ dispenser! Isn't that the coolest thing ever?


Patti said...

I would try to be poetic,
But it would just sound pathetic.
I did read Pawlie's post,
Seems someone's team is toast.
Rhyming phrases can be fun.
Don't worry, now I'm done.

Odat said...

OMG The pez dispensors are a riot!
and leave it you to come up with comparing putting your contacts in to the shape of a burrito!
You're poetry on the other hand,...well...let's just say you tried hard..... ;-)


armalicious said...

There are a few things in this post that has completely sealed my admiration for you.

1. those Pez dispensers. Where did you get them??? I've been looking all over for them. I wanted to get them for my hubby for our anniversary, but every place that I had once seen them were sold out. Bastards!

2. You're a Dodgers fan? For reals? And you hate the Giants? OMG. I heart you so much. I'm true blue, baby. My dad is from LA so I grew up loving the Dodgers. And then I meet a guy (and end up marrying hem) who his father is from LA and was a Dodger fan, making my future hubby a Dodger fan. And I finally got to Dodger's stadium last year when we went to LA. And I had my very first Dodger Dog. And I loved it. It was awesome.

3. You wrote a poem starting out with "That's What She Said." are amazing.

Erica AP said...

Genius. I think you should be Brittany's new song writer. :)

Open Grove Claudia said...

I never understand poetry - sorry. Maybe if you sing it?? ;)

Natalie said...

Poems are difficult for me to get into but one about fried food is more up my alley.

meleah rebeccah said...

"Thats what she said"... are you kidding me...? I peed.

Busting mad rhymes is just one of your many awesome skillz.

katherine. said...

you may be reading too much Dr Seuss

FRIGGA said...

Yes, those are awesome rhyming skills. How did you start your pez collection? What made you decide to collect pez? What's your most prized pez? What's your most used pez? Do you still do Q & A Tuesdays? 8-)

kat said...

Before I even got to the end I was imagining I was sitting in a coffe house during open mic night, sipping coffee from an oversized cup, with a drummer grazing the snares.... woman... WO-man... wo-o-o-o-MAN.

brandy said...

Ahh, genius. You are a genius. And I thought you would appreciate knowing that the 'twss' montage you sent me, gets played regularly in my itunes because i keep forgetting to unclick it? So, I will be listening to music for an hour then all of a sudden it's Michael Scott throwing in a few 'twss'. It brightens my day. As for the email, my answer is yes to your plan. Let's do that first, then take over the world. Agreed?

Tink said...

When you publish said poetry, you can send me a free autographed copy.