Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Great Franchise Opportunity – Call Today!

I used to be my own boss. I owned my own freelance PR and copywriting business and miss the whole being in charge thing. You may not have picked this up from reading my blog, but I have trouble conforming to the big corporate thing. Now, if a certain fictional paper company wanted to hire me I’m sure things would be different…

Last night I may have discovered the key to my next self-employed career. It kinda crept up on me, but now I am pretty sure about it. It’s an amazing career opportunity and does not involve real estate with no money down or selling things in bottles. It doesn’t even involve gathering ostrich eggs to make ginormous frozen prepackaged omelets, although I am writing that idea down for later. What is this amazing business opportunity? It’s Fancy Ironing. It all began innocently enough when one of the prongs from my iron’s plug broke off inside the electrical outlet the other day. I have to admit that I got quite a charge when removing it with pair of pliers. It was shocking, really. All of that led to needing a new iron, but the fancy high-powered fabric steamer beckoned. Besides, it had a crease attachment, which means no more three crease pants, unless I’m feeling really edgy.

So I bought the fabric steamer with pole and hangar attachment. Now I can iron anything and everything and it’ll look professionally done! Now I can take in people’s ironing and make money while basically playing with the steamer. After all, I have been told countless times that I could do something more productive every Sunday than watching my NASCAR race for 4 hours (6 if I watch the pre-race show). Of course I TiVo the race and can watch it in about 2 hours if I’m feeling really saucy, but there is still a little time to do some work there. Now I can make money steam ironing other people’s clothes while watching my races. The nice part about this is that the usual burning of clothes I previously experienced while ironing during NASCAR is gone. I figure if I charge $30 per garment I should do pretty well. That’s a fair price, right? I can also do curtains, drapes and other words that describe cloth-like window coverings.

I am very excited about this new business opportunity. I haven’t settled on a name for the new company yet, but am kicking around Michael’s Fancy Ironings, Sultan of Steam, Iron-ic, Steamy McSteamerson and Henry Wrinkler’s. If I go with the Henry one, the logo will be an ironed leather jacket and a thumbs up. My administrative professional, who I have not hired yet but better look like The Office’s Pam Beasley, will answer the phone by saying ‘Aayyyy.’

I can envision a chain of these fancy steam ironing stores or maybe an inverted pyramid scheme to throw off the feds. Oh wait, if the pyramid is inverted, how am I going to make money? Perhaps I’ll sell franchise licenses instead and try to negotiate to get one into every Starbucks or CVS or Wal-Green’s pharmacy. Maybe I’ll do all three. Then I could literally have a Henry Wrinkler’s clothes-steaming store on every street corner with a stoplight in America. Wow, I’d be ‘movin’ on up,’ but I really don’t want a penthouse in the sky. I will take a summer place on Martha’s Vineyard though. And yes, I know that the Jeffersons owned a dry cleaning business, please cut me some slack. But, did you know that they were originally on and a spin-off of ‘All in the Family?’ OK, I feel like I have asserted my mental dominance and am back in charge now.

All of this just might work. Heck maybe I’ll make enough money to pay for the Ab-Lounger Ultra I’ll never use that I bought at the same time as the clothes-steamer. Ohhh, that reminds me, I should probably open the box and try the clothes-steamer out before I move forward with any of this. Boy would that have been awkward when the first customer showed up during the race on Saturday night. By the way, can you steam iron neckties? They tend to get a little wrinkled when worn backwards around the forehead…

Worthless item of the day: I don’t know if you listen to country music, but I just bought Sara Evans’ Greatest Hits. I looked at the back of the CD case to see what songs were on it and all I could say when I turned it over was ‘uhhhhhhhhhh.’ I bet the CD sells very, very well.


Airam said...

All great things start with one idea!

I have to say that your omelette one sounds interesting ... and with one ostrich egg you could make like 3 meals! Good idea!


Patti said...

Henry Wrinkler's is very good, but since I am originally a "Mc" last name person, I vote for Steamy McSteamerson. That one does it for me.

Hey, I'm first today. Go me.

I'm loving "The Office" Michael. Thanks again.

Patti said...

woops. I just got beat out here.. well, I'm second. That makes me happy too.

The Kimmer said...

I love Sara Evans - I might have to check that CD out! :)

Miss your comments on my blog too - you were the only one leaving me notes! :)


The Kimmer said...

BTW! It's Dale Jr's birthday today, did you know that?!?


Odat said...

There once was a man with steam,
Who concocted a silly scheme,
He would iron your clothes
And you would pay through the nose,
All this, to realize his dreams!


Ralph said...

I old enough to remember when George moved from Astoria to the 'East Side'...

Michael C said...

Airam: Yeah, except it later occurred to me that ostrichs kick real hard and probably don't like their eggs being stolen. I'll get back to you on this ;-)

Patti: Glad you are enjoying the Office! I am partially to Mc names. I mean they are my initials ;-)

Kimmer: It's a very good CD. Maybe Jr. will get a win this weekend to celebrate. I knew earlier in the week that his b-day was coming up, but forget today. Or something like that. :D

Odat: I seriously think that is pure genius!!

Ralph: Does me remembering the reruns count here?

Tink said...

I think I will stick to my own ironing, thank you. LOL

Open Grove Claudia said...

Ok, I didn't get past the ironing thing.... Yeah. Ironing. I know people do it, but I am not really sure why. I have friends who love to spend their Sundays watching TV and ironing. I mean, when would you take care of your bees??

brandy said...

Um, I often dream of working at a fictional paper company as well. Although, mine has less to do with management and more to do with a hot little cupcake named Jim. Swoon.

And I don't think I've ever referred to a man as a 'cupcake'. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to do it again, but it had to be tested. All good ideas must be tested at least once. Except forks in plug-ins. That, I will just assume is a bad idea without trying.

FRIGGA said...

Will all of your employees have to be watching NASCARR while on the clock too?

katherine. said...

I use to have a retired neighbor who took in ironing...not for the money so much as because she felt guilty just watching soap operas. She was a blessing!

Ironing can be theraputic sometimes.

Tammie Jean said...

Those are all fabulous names for your new company!

But I was getting this whole image in my head of an old MTV video... there was a woman in a nightgown with kids all over the place, doing the ironing and watching TV while working as an adult-phonecall-type of person. Maybe you can make double-the-money on Sunday afternoons? Do you have a nice voice? Just a thought... ;)

Mags said...

My pick would be Sultan of Steam, for sure!

And I'm happy that you are an Office fan...for some reason, it's hard to find them!

meleah rebeccah said...

I am sending you all of my clothes. I cant iron at all. I will pay a pretty penny to have you perfectly crease my wardrobe.


brandy said...

MC, these comments aren't going to reply to themselves. Actually, I just giggled at the idea of some random person going on someone else's site and responding to all the comments. I'm not sure why, but I think that would be hilarious. Office tomorrow. I'm excited. I love the crap out of the Office.

AndreAnna said...

No me gusta country music.

Michael C said...

Whoa, where did all these comments come from? Seriously people, I got emails on NONE of them and here they all were waiting for me. Perhaps I should let Brandy respond to them for me. That might be fun...

Tink: Well, the offer is always on the table...or ironing board.

Claudia: I shall substitute bees with twins and agree with you completely ;-)

Bran: I guess you can call a guy a cupcake. What would the female equivalent be? Tina-Feyicious or Pam-Beasleyriffic?

Frigga: I had not thought of that, but definitely yes!!

Katherine: Does therapeutic mean horrible hand burns? ;-)

Tammie: Well, I did get compliments on my podcast voice... :D

Mags: You have come to the right place. We've definitely got our Office fans here!!

Meleah: For you, I won't charge. I used to not be able to iron either ;-)

Bran: Wow, 2 comments in the same post? ;-)
We should respond to the comments on each others blogs some day. It'll be like guest comment responding. I'm actually being serious about this...
And yes a new Office and 30 Rock. It's just too easy to love life right now!!

AA: I shall attempt to change this ;-)

Open Grove Claudia said...

Do the twins pollinate?

kat said...

Great idea about the steam iron business. May I suggest a logo? Put Fonzie sitting on one of the steamers, holding the neck of the steamer, and flying over a shark. If people really know the show, and really appreciate ironing, they will LOVE it.

I would hire you. At $30 an item, I couldn't TIP you, but I would hire you.