It’s Time For Me To Rhyme

First off, days don’t get too much better than Wednesday. I ate at the always way too friendly Chick-Fil-A, found out my contacts are doing fine, wore my ‘More Cowbell’ t-shirt for the first time and had dinner at Rubios only to discover that LOBSTER burritos and tacos are back (for a limited time of course). While that would have been a great day by itself, it got even better. I FINALLY got my hands on the Limited Edition 3 Elvis Pez set (1970’s concert jumpsuit Elvis is my favorite) AND my friend The Laughorist paid up on our bet of whether his Giants or my Dodgers would do better. The non-winner (because loser just doesn’t apply here) had to write an ode about the winner’s team. It is beautifully written and can be found here. Ok enough of how great my day was. On to the post…

In my comments section yesterday, Odat wrote what I thought was the coolest poem. It has inspired me to try and flex my poetic muscles. Keep in mind that I am more Maya Rudolph than Maya Angelou and more Jack Frost than Robert Frost, but I have been told by Lucy and Ethel that I bust mad back to back rhymes when I am giving them a bath. Ok, I know -when will I learn to stop trying to use cool phrases like ‘busting mad rhymes?’ Well, here we go, please read them slow, because I want you to know each word that I am saying. And no, I’m not just playing. See, I’m already in prime form…

That’s what she said
This phrase is always in my head
It might mean that my thoughts are not always pure
But you can be sure
If you say something in my presence
I will definitely be trying to use TWSS in a sentence


I got on my new Ab Lounger XL to firm up my tummy
This is necessary because I like things (particularly meats and cheeses) that are yummy
I used it wrong
Now I fear that the only thing that will be strong
Is my back
Can that even have a 6-pack?


My new contact lenses tend to get blurry
When I blink it clears
So I don’t think I should worry
I tend to think
And I tend to blink
When I insert them
Then I end up trying to stick the shape of a burrito in my eye
This will probably result in a sty
Oh my


I like fried food
I have since the first time I saw it and chewed
It may not be good FOR me
But it tastes good TO me
I realize that the last phrase only rhymes because I used the same word twice
It’s ok if I acknowledge that, but if you do, it’s just not nice
Now I am craving rice


Now that I no longer wear prescription glasses
I can buy any pair of cool sunglasses
I just got a great pair
They even look good with my hair
But the best part of my new sunglasses
Is that it covers my eyes when I try to look at ladies’ fine, round…..uh, choice of business attire

Ok, I am done. That was kinda fun. Thanks for taking the time to read while I rhyme. Now I think I shall eat pie made of key-lime.
And to paraphrase Mike Meyers from my all-time favorite movie, ‘These Poems…Suck.’