Thursday, December 28, 2006

What Does It Actually Pay To Cheat At Chess?

I was reading a Reuters story about a shocking development in the chess world. An Indian player was found to be cheating in New Delhi and was subsequently banned for the next 10 years. It’s shocking for two reasons. 1- That someone felt it was worth cheating at chess and 2- That anyone cares. It sounds like something from one of those exciting new type of high crime heist themed movies like ‘The Italian Job’ or the ‘Ocean’s 11’ remakes. As the banned player won more and more, people started to ask questions until they finally caught him in the act.

The player accomplished his cheating through the use of a Bluetooth earpiece sewn inside a cloth cap that Reuters says he wore down over his ears. That allowed him to be feed information from his cohorts who were using a computer to calculate his next move. It’s surprising that no one got suspicious when he wore a wool cap inside during every one of his chess matches. I guess folks just wrote it off as a good luck charm.

To me, it seems far worse to be known as the guy who had to cheat at chess (and got caught) than receiving the ten-year ban. Thanks to this cheater’s exploits, old men playing checkers or chess every morning in the park are now going to become suspicious of each other every time someone needs to wear a hat because it’s cold out. It could get ugly. Why did they have to taint the game of chess? Why couldn’t they cheat at checkers, shuffleboard, or bridge? They could have even tried dominoes.

I shouldn’t complain too much because when it comes to me and chess, all I can say is that I do like looking at all the different chess collections out there. Virtually everything has been turned into a chess piece, but I’ve never bothered to collect any of them because a typical game of chess for me lasts about five moves. I’m still waiting for the sets made up of Democrats vs. Republicans, men vs. women, The Cast of High School Musical or The Best of Dancing with the Stars. Maybe then I can justify putting some money towards chess. It is a game I am horrible at, so much so that having someone whisper moves in my ear wouldn’t help. Pawn Rook Drag Queen 4 to Knighted Bishop Pope King 2. What the heck is that? I’d need someone translating that into English for me to even begin understanding what it means.

Is there rehabilitation for a chess cheater? Can they ever sit down to a chessboard again and be trusted. Can they ever sit down at a chessboard and think well enough on their own to make the necessary moves? I guess it doesn’t really matter now. This player’s chess career is effectively over. In ten years when he returns, he will do so amid continued suspicion and mistrust. Come to think of it, maybe it won’t really be that bad for him. After all, Barry Bonds still gets to play baseball…

**Nothing Worthwhile Tip Of The Day: Beware of the food samples at those huge warehouse club stores. They must be tainted with some type of addictive ingredient. My wife, who hates beef, bought a $47 prime rib (despite the fact that she hates beef, in case I forgot to mention it) after trying a sample today. Maybe they can put whatever they used into celery.

11 comments:

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

thanks for the tip michael. i usually don't go, sarge goes to sam's club and costco, he rides on one of those powered riding chair thingys, he grazes, he smiles, old men like samples. i don't know why. now me? not so much. i think they are germy and nasty, unless, of course, they are wrapped candy at holiday time, then, i'm in!

Odat said...

Believe it or not, I used to play chess a lot...(when I was a lil younger). My brother was a champ! I used to buy him chess games every other christmas. Brings back good memories! Thanks!
And I do the same at costco...how come it always tastes better when someone else prepares it???
Peace

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thethinker said...

Cheating at chess? How pathetic.

I'd rather cheat at something worth the while... like poker, for instance.

Awesome Mom said...

My husband is a chess player but I stink horribly at it. I like the free samples because I can feed both kids lunch while I am shopping. It saves a lot of time.

Pickled Olives said...

My dad would beat me in three moves. Everytime. My 9 yr old son is now on the chess team. He didn't get it from me and i don't understand it at all. But he does.

He told me that they drill it into you about how cheating in chess is as bad as any crime can be. (notice the word crimw). It is a crime punishable by being ostracized. You know your life is pretty bad when quiet chess players won't even talk to you.

ian said...

Maybe Cheetos could replace their spokescartoon, Chester Cheetah, with the Chess Cheater if they ever need to.

Hey, Odat, wanna play chess? :P

Ian

mist1 said...

I read this whole post wrong. I thought it was about chests. I used to be a chest cheater. I wore padded bras.

I like chests better than chess.

Nikeroo said...

Mist you are a very funny girl. Are you proposing that your blog hosts the first meeting of "Chest Cheaters Annonymous". If so let me know!

Rach said...

LOL @ chest cheaters.

I love chess though and all those chess sets are so pretty...I want to buy them all.

Violet said...

What a coup for the sales assistant - that's a lot of money to spend on something you normally hate. Did you all eat it? The only other product which is sold that way, that I can think of, is cosmetics, with their "free" makeovers.