Thursday, December 14, 2006

The Annual Christmas Letter

We all hate them, we all mock them and some of us actually take the time to write them. It’s the annual bragging Christmas letter that we send to family and other people we want to feel superior to. I present to you this year’s edition of the Christmas card letter as written from "the wife’s" point of view:

Dear Friends, Family and Frenemies:

Wow, I can’t believe another year has come and gone. It seems like just last year at this time I was writing our Christmas letter. It’s been another amazing year for the family and while I haven’t bothered to take the time to call or even email many of you, you all have been on our minds and more importantly, in our hearts. I hope your 2006 has been as wonderful, splendid, fantastic and terrific (not to mention busy, he he,he,) as ours has.

We were so lucky to be able to begin the year with the birth of our 10th child Annabelle, or as I like to call her, Annabellicious (I keep telling hubby that just two more will make it an even dozen). She was born a beautiful girl and all the doctors say that she was the prettiest baby they had ever seen. It’s been just under a year and she can already do fractions.

Of course the twins Niles and Frasier continue to be little rascals. Who knows what they will get into next. Why just last week I caught them eating whip cream right out of the can. I mean really, can you just imagine. They’re so naughty, but I guess that’s what you get with boys. Stuart entered the 6th grade this fall and he is already doing calculus. His teacher says he’s the brightest boy he’s ever taught and he was elected school president. Susie made the cheerleading squad again and is dating the quarterback. She also got the lead in the school production of ‘Grease.’ Unfortunately we thought it a little to risqué so she decided to take a knitting class.

Harold has been an alter boy at every single mass this year and he scored the winning goal at this year’s soccer championships. Lucy’s got the lead in the community ballet and she continues to volunteer at the retirement home. Phil is a junior this year and is already applying to Harvard (I like to say he’s got ivy in his veins). Amanda just learned how to walk and Freddie is scheduled to go up in the space shuttle next year.

You’d think I had my hands full with the kids, but I also found time to donate a wing to the hospital, sew blankets for the orphanage and volunteer (again) for the church carnival. You can imagine husband’s surprise when I returned from Kenya last month with our newly adopted son. I just don’t know where I get my strength. Maybe it’s from those yellow pills in the bathroom. Oops, I guess the cat is out of the bag on that ditty.

How about husband you ask? Well, he’s been ok. The firm was doing so well that he started a second one. Husband outsourced some of the phone operators to Liechtenstein and with the money the firm saved, we built a library solely devoted to the works of Dr. Seuss and Jack Kerouac. He finally got the roof up on the ranch in Kauai and the cottage in Vale should be done next spring. I’m just glad he found the time to attend all the kids’ special events. I can’t believe he had to build our 15th bookshelf for all the awards they keep winning!

Well, enough about us. As you can tell, it’s been another hectic but quiet year. I keep hoping we’ll have exciting news to share one of these years, but I guess for now we should call ourselves the Ho-Hums. We’re just so relieved that Lucy’s surgery went well and now we can all celebrate the holidays together at the castle in Scotland. We want to wish you a wonderful holiday season and we’ll try to think about calling all of you upon our return, in February!

P.S. the dog had puppies again. I guess we really should put her in at night. Oh, I know I’m being just awful.

17 comments:

ShadowFalcon said...

I've heard of doing this, seems like a good idea but that would just open the door to relatives I'd rather not ever hear from...I learnt that mistake fomr sending thank you cards after my wedding...

Odat said...

OMG How do you know my cousins????(they're from California, ya know!)
Niles and Frasier, lol!
Peace

abbagirl74 said...

Could you imagine being the grandparents of that family? Jeesh!

thethinker said...

Instead of the letters, we get dozens of family photos on fancy cards from friends, ones where they look so happy it's almost fake. Or, maybe it's like those letters and it really is all fake.

kate said...

THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I HATE THE HOLIDAYS!

lol

I probably get 3 or 4 of these letters each year.

The other thing that gets my goat is getting an unsigned (monogramed) card with no personal message... ohhhh and lets throw in the people that print off the envelopes and dont even take time to address them personally...

I boycotted the holidays last year. I had a good reason, I had had a lot of deaths in my family and it was just too tough. This year we moved and I know I SHOULD have sent change of address cards... Holiday cards... but I just cant wrap my arms around doing it... so I am not going to. If people dont understand then they dont.

Ohhh I sound like Scrooge! lol

Oh and btw WHY did you tell your boss!?!?!?!?! lmao

Michael C said...

Shadow: Yeah weddings can kind of bring out people you'd rather forget...just like the holidays!

Odat: I meet with Niles and Frasier every week to discuss fine literature over coffee and biscotti
;-)

Abbagirl74: the grandparents died several years ago from living a life of excess

thinker: it's probably faker (is that a real word in this context?) than the local mall santa

kate: i don't think we're doing cards this year..maybe i'll just tell them all about my blog instead ;-)

I told my boss when he was new to impress him with my sardonic humor and sarcastic wit...it fear it failed ;-)

mist1 said...

The dog having puppies isn't news. Tell me when the dog has kittens.

thepinkangel said...

I think its funny that you used a picture of a peanuts character. This morning I heard on the radio that Charles Whatshisname, creater of peanuts, is the 4th on the list of dead people still making money. he brings in 35 million a year still. i don't think I'll see that in a whole lifetime !!

kate said...

lol... hope you moved to some other way to impress him! lol *wink

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

oh those letters!! sigh....

they are about as bad as the bumper sitckers about their little brats. grrrrr.....bee

Cece said...

I think I would disown any family member, or friend, who sent me a family letter.

Awesome Mom said...

Lol! I think I will hire you to write me one of those for next Christmas.

Amy said...

Then I guess you will tease me when I say that I send out letters with our perfect picture Christmas card...you wouldn't expect anything less from me though...

Although, hubby wrote last year's Christmas letter and started off by telling everyone about his favorite Christmas drink...buttery nipple...gets you in the Holiday spirit...doesn't it!!

Funny letter!

meleah rebeccah said...

(Wow. I remember reading this last year, but sadly I didn't leave a comment?)

Anyway, this is HYSTERICAL.

And, I would be willing to pay you in large quantities of cheese to write my Christmas Letter!

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Morris Thecat said...

I get one of these every year. Totally obnoxious. To me it is the same thing as boring a houseguest with family pictures and stories. Anyone who has ever been that houseguest never goes back for more of that. Some people mistakenly believe that others want to hear this drivel and justify it by saying it is what the season is all about. To that I say "really? REALLY?! The season is about talking endlessly about yourself?" A Christmas "greeting" is a simple greeting, it is not asking for attention, admiration, or sympathy. As for the family photo christmas cards, they are also asking for attention, but not as obnoxious unless the only time anyone has ever sent you a card is the year they took a trip abroad and documented it on that card.