Hey You, You’re Time Magazine’s Person Of The Year (Actually, You Are Too)

In case you haven’t heard, you were named Time’s Person of the Year over the weekend. Of course so was I and you, and you and yes, you too. Time Magazine named you their Person of the Year for 2006. Don’t get too excited. Although they named you, they didn’t use your name and it is the same magazine that named Hitler their Person of the Year in 1938 or so. Fortunately they named a lot of other great folks as person of the year to make up for that lack of judgment, sanity and reason.

Not that I ever sat around day dreaming about what it would be like when I was finally named Person of the Year, but let’s just say it wasn’t exactly what I pictured (if I had day dreamed about it, of course). I expected to get some formal notification from the folks at Time and not read about it on a news website. They didn’t call you, did they? Being named the Person of the Year, I’m still awaiting a special dinner in my honor, or maybe in yours.

It seems that the revolutionary transformation of the internet led to me (and yes, you) being named to this prestigious honor (with the exception of course of the aforementioned Hitler thing). With millions of people throughout the world flocking to sites like MySpace, YouTube and blogs everywhere, it seems we have changed the world in our own little way. Many people call it Web 2.0 and it’s the personalization of the internet away from the ‘dot com’ type stuff that got people noticing (I guess, at this point I’m really just guessing). My only question is if someone who doesn’t blog or post on YouTube can consider themselves to be the Person of the Year? Oh wait, everybody and their mother has a MySpace account so I guess they’re covered.

As amazing as the new internet may be, one has to wonder how you became Person of the Year. Do the Time big wigs pass around a hat and everyone puts the name of someone they want to nominate into it. I imagine the hat would be filled with names like Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, President Bush, Kim Jong-il, the genius that decided to make a reality show of that Dog bounty hunter dude or maybe the new Pope. Now I have to go to confession for not remembering his name. After all, how hard was it to remember Pope John Paul? His name isn’t Pope George Ringo, is it? That would be easier; I mean seriously, I can remember Kim Jong-il, but not the Pope? Man I’m in trouble! Was the name ‘You’ put in the hat as a joke and everyone liked it so much that they went with it? Maybe the folks at Time decided to take a break this year and use the easy way out. I bet they’ve had the ‘You’ card in their back pocket for years but finally felt this was the year they didn’t want to research anyone else. They’re probably still kicking themselves for not naming everyone as the Person of the Year for the war effort after we won WWII. The closest they’ve come to taking a break before was naming the Earth in 1988 and the computer in ’82.

Whatever their reason for using it this year, I couldn’t think of a better time to be selected for this honor than at Christmas time which is one of my favorite times of the year. I think I’ll donate my Person of the Year check to a worthy charity or maybe Blogger.com so they can further blog technology to the point where I only have to think of my post and make it appear. Hey Blogger programmers, it really would be much more efficient. What, really? No check for such an honor? I bet Ted Turner got a check when he was named in 1991! Now I’m thinking of just giving my Person of the Year trophy back! You’re kidding me, no trophy either? Tell me that Jimmy Carter didn’t get a trophy and I might be ok with all of this.

I think I’ll just ask my wife to hold a special dinner in my honor. I think we’ll rent out the Elks lodge down the street and invite as many of my fellow People of the Year as possible. Hopefully we can still get a good polka band. I’d also like a parade and a 3-story blown up print of the cover, although for some reason I’m not actually on it. I’m sure it was just an oversight. Wait, you weren’t on the cover were you? Even Stalin got a cover…