Top Ten Mistakes “My Friend” Has Made As A Dad.

I am using “air quotes” in the title to this post. I couldn't find much to write about this morning and the Little One keeps asking for food and asking to see The Wizard Of Oz (wouldn't it be great if they combined the two.) 

Actually, that's not really that great an idea. So, I figured I would list some of the other mistakes “my friend” has made. And yes “My Friend” is actually me. I know you're shocked..

10.  I use food as a bribe. It makes her happy which makes me happy.

9.  One day when I'm wunning (walking with a little running mixed in) with her in the stroller, I decided to stop at the park. We had fun, UNTIL IT WAS TIME TO LEAVE (and I had none of what I'm speaking of in #10).

8.  We made a slide out of furniture. Men, do not do that with your kids...especially when you let your child take the fall for it.

7.  Do not EVER let your children take the fall for something that you “may have” done.

6.  When your child asks “what can I eat,” I've have learned NOT to make it candy or chocolate every time. Because then when Mommy gets home she says “Mommy can I have a piece of candy?” It ruins OUR little secret...

5.  Do not dress your child in stripes and plaids together. I only did it 5-7 times. I don't know what the big deal is...

4.  Never let your child break a bone. Believe me, it hurts you more than the child.

3.  Never let your child climb up into your “daddy chair” to watch TV with you when your are watching something about the Civil War. If you do, just tell her that the bodies are just “laying down” when she asks.

2.  TV is NOT a baby sitter! Especially when you're child is hiding behind a piece of furniture doing something you had hoped she would do on a toilet.

And the number 1 mistake:

While I did say that TV is not a babysitter (I did say that, right?), keep Barney from ever touching your kid's eyes. If you don't, YOU will want to go blind...and deaf.