Wednesday, May 21, 2008

An Exercise In Futility (Also Known As ‘This Post…Sucks’)

If you have ever seen my favorite movie, ‘So I Married An Axe Murderer,’ then you know exactly how to say ‘this post…sucks.’ Keep that saying close at hand for the next few minutes. I have taken a holiday from sharing holidays with you this week. And I promise if that is as clever as I can be today that you can just stop reading now and I’ll still respect you tomorrow. Well, I might not respect you as much, but I’m certainly not going to tell you that or act like my respect for you has diminished in any way. I mean not that I’d be fake about it or anything but the truth is that I have already forgotten the reason I was writing and was just sort of hoping I could write my way out of it until it came back to me. It’s a pretty handy trick if you’ve never tried it. And the best part is that it works with both speaking and writing. In fact 87.4% of my 590 or so posts have been completed with this method and just ask my boss how effective the speaking form of the trick is when I am in staff meetings. On second thought, don’t. My last employee review specifically mentioned no longer using filibusters to cover up for what I was not prepared to speak about and to lay off the work blogging. Ok, I made that up, but I know that’s what he WANTED to say.

So here’s the deal. I have come up with nothing to write about today. Oh sure this week is National Backyard Games Week, I FINALLY found a Melting Pot close to me and one of my coworkers just told me that he recently attended a 1980s costume party dressed as Magnum PI complete with short shorts, but nothing has really struck me as being truly blogworthy today. I thought about following up my atrial fib post with one about how fun it is living with inner ear damage, but it just seemed too soon. And yes this is the weekend of 1100 beautiful miles of Indy Car and NASCAR racing, but all too often not enough people seem to care.

Once upon a time, I was going to assemble all of my possible post ideas in an easy to use, indexed and categorized file box complete with stickers, but I found a penny on the floor and got a little distracted. Now I’m wishing that penny had never entered my life. Heck, it costs our government more to make a penny than it is actually worth. I guess in retrospect it’s ok I didn’t spend all that time working on it because I would have gotten all excited and made the box the focus of my life for about 4 days and then gotten too lazy to keep putting ideas into it.

Then on a day like today when I can’t think of anything to write about I would remember the existence of the box, open it up and hear crickets and see a moth fly out of it (assuming of course that I lived in an animated cartoon world) and only have 4 index cards to choose from. And with my luck, 2 of those cards would probably contain recipes because I wasn’t paying attention when I filed them. That of course would lead to the time when I am looking for a new dish to cook for dinner and pull out a new recipe to try and instead of ingredients and instructions it has my thoughts about how we can beat global warming by making more ice cubes.

I was tempted to brag about how I let a little useless office information (which is way different than a rumor, thank you very much) slip so I could test how quickly it took to get back to me (less than 23 minutes, by the way). I could give in and finally write my ‘100 Things’ post that gives you completely useless information about me. 100 of them to be exact, but I couldn’t guarantee that several of them wouldn’t be the same things mentioned in the song ‘My Favorite Things.’ Although, raindrops on roses really don’t do anything special for me. Actually, either do whiskers on kittens or bright copper kettles. Warm, woolen mittens on the other hand (or both hands) come in very handy. I could continue, but I think you get the point.

In fact, I think I’ll just end this post right now. Yep, it took just shy of 2 years, but it looks like I have finally jumped the shark with this post. Oh wait. Now I remember what I originally wanted to write about. It was fish sticks. Oh well, there’s always another day. Please?

14 comments:

Sizzle said...

You mean to tell me you aren't going to take this opportunity to announce your good news?

Sizzle said...

But I wanted a whole post dedicated to it!

TroyBoy said...

Holy crap, I feel like I just attended a State of the Union Address. I know something just took place but I'm not sure what it was exactly - and my head hurts. However, I know that I am better for the experience.

On a limb with Claudia said...

Um... what's the good news? Are the babies getting a sibling? Are you moving to the castle? Did you become King in your own empire?? what? what? what?

pixiemadison said...

"We have a piper down! I repeat a piper is down!! Love So I Married an Axe Murderer!!

And btw car racing is the ONLY sport I like to watch. The Indy 500 is my favorite, and don't think it escaped my mind that it's on this weekend. So I don't mind if you want to do a post on it. :)

Linda~ said...

Quick! Go get a box and put that "fish stick" idea in it. I can just imagine what you'd write...actually, I'm not quite sure what you would write. So, quick go get that box!

Linda~

meleah rebeccah said...

yeah. um....you write pretty fucking fabulous when you have nothing to write about.

I think I will take a lesson from you when I am stuck....just write it out anyway!

citizen of the world said...

I would aska question, but I have no idea what we're talking about.

Momo Fali said...

There will be no jumping the shark Fonzie. And, as for wool mittens...well they just itch.

CassJustCurious said...

I'm sorry to break it to you but any post that can mention Magnum PI in any way whatsoever automatically does not suck. It's like God said so.

Dr.John said...

I will add making ice cubes to my Global Warming cures. Thank you!

Patti said...

I saw a rainbow yesterday (Thursday -I'm visiting late). Your "raindrops on roses" line just reminded me of that.

It's impressive how you can make writing about not knowing what to write about fun to read.

That file box idea sure is organized of you.

magickat said...

Woman! WO-Man. WOOOOOOAH. MAN!

I am going to 'Melting Pot' for my birthday this year.

Melting Pot and Karaoke. You should come! Bring the wife and twins!

Mel Heth said...

If I had a dollar for every time I found a penny... wait a minute......