Friday, January 18, 2008

500

So this is my 500th post. For those of you coming here expecting to take part in my 500th Post Extravaganza and Meat Buffet, well let me just say sorry. The funding fell through so in the words of bad tourist shirts everywhere, all you get is this crummy post. It’s odd sitting down to write this post just so that I can say I wrote number 500. But alas, that’s what I’m doing and your are stuck reading it. It’s amazing to me to think that I have written 500 posts. I mean if I wrote one post a year, it would take 500 years to accomplish, though I’d be dead and only get 60-80 posts in. If I wrote a post a day, it would take about a year and a half. Oh wait, I guess that’s kinda what I did and it certainly doesn’t seem as impressive as the 500 year thing…

I wish I could remember my last 499, but they are a blur of bad jokes, cheese, paying homage to Fred Willard and certain veiled references to me knowing the entire plot of the new Indian Jones movie, provided you got the clues I have been trying to subtly give you over the last year and a half. By the way, I bet you hadn’t noticed that if you started with my first post and read everyone straight through to last Tuesday’s, you would now have precise MapQuest-like directions to my house from the corner of Jamboree and Pacific Coast Highway in Newport Beach, California.

Of course I am making that up. I still get lost in my hometown. Honestly, I still get lost in my work’s parking lot. It’s very big and the parking stalls are all the same. Seriously, how do old people do it? You’d think the mall would be a scary maze to them. And parking structures? Well the fact that my grandparents can get home after parking in one still amazes me. I actually got lost a few weeks ago in Disneyland’s mega-parking structure, although in my defense it was late, I’d had a few too many mint juleps and churros (so what if they were non-alcoholic – I can still get a happy buzz) and it is the biggest parking structure in America and second biggest in the world (that’s what she said).

But this post is not about parking lots or parking structures. This post is about, well, nothing worthwhile so far. Although I guess that’s been the entire point of my blogging since the summer of 2006. It almost saddens me that I can look back over that time and find that I haven’t used this blog to change the world or to make it a forum to discuss the issues of our time. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and have decided to use the next 500 posts (or 20, whichever comes first) to smarten up this blog. One of the first ways I am going to do that is on Mondays. From now on, each Monday will be dedicated to one particular grouping of JFK’s assassination theories. Next Monday will be titled ‘Everything having to do with the Grassy Knoll with the notable exclusion of picnics.’ Please make sure to come by on Monday and share with me your ideas on whether or not there was a shooter on the Grassy Knoll.

I haven’t quite fleshed out every day of the week yet, but I can tell you that Wednesdays are going to be ‘Green Wednesday’ when I give you environmental tips like ‘Don’t put plastic six-pack holders in the trash because they can end up in the sea and choke a dolphin. Burn them in the fireplace instead.’ Or ‘Oil is bad for our oceans so you should use as much water as possible and hose the oil stains off of your driveway every evening.’ I promise to have more valuable tips each Wednesday. To contribute something to the arts, I am dedicating my writing on Fridays to that noble pursuit. Though I am torn between breaking down the plays of Shakespeare by comparing them to episodes of Baywatch and explaining Opera by converting them to country songs. You know, it’s my way of bringing fancy art to the masses; kind of in the same way that Oprah only likes hanging out with celebrities because she understands them better. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not criticizing ‘The Op,’ not because I think it’s wrong, but because I fear her legal people, who ironically, are not celebrities.

When If you visit my blog this summer, please watch for my 8 part series on American Politics written in romantic novella style and only featuring men with unbuttoned shirts and flowing hair and women with, well, the same thing. To promote learning (and by learning I mean paying attention) in the series, points will be awarded for the readers that correctly count the numbers of words used like ample, bosom and throb.

And speaking of readers, I recently noticed that I have had almost 41,000 of them in the last year and a half. Now granted, myself and my work’s HR department easily account for at least 30,000 of those hits, but I want to take the time to thank everyone else who keeps coming back here for some reason. While I can’t guarantee I will write another 500 posts, I can guarantee that I might write one next Wednesday or possibly Thursday, and that’s a good enough reason to come back and visit again, right??

26 comments:

AndreAnna said...

I'll come back for men in unbuttoned shirts!! :)

AndreAnna said...

And seriously, you STILL haven't changed your blog roll?

Lis said...

500 posts! You're one chatty fella. I've not even hit the 100 mark.

CS said...

500! Wow, that's a lot. COngratulations. (And you let your stat counter count your own visits?)

Lone Grey Squirrel said...

Congrats for your 500 posts. As a fan of your offbeat humor, I look forward to your Green Wednesday tips but as an environmentalist, I think it will be the next big world threat after global warming.

May the world last long enough to see you reach 1000.

Selma said...

Warm congratulations on 500 posts. I look forward to 500 more, particularly those concerning cheese and deconstructing Oprah (or was it opera.) You are a truly brilliant writer and one of the highlights of my day!

Patti said...

Give me a 5, give me a zero, then give me another zero...500 posts!! wow, you're our hero.

That took me a while to come up with. Hope you like.

I love your blog. You bring out the creative (?) side of me. I'll always visit you Michael, even if you don't visit my place. that's OK, really.

Really.

Happy Friday!

chefmom said...

Congrats on your 500th!! Well done! We could get matching shirts that say "I conquered michael c's 500th post and all I got was this lousy t-shirt and some cheese..."
(I added the cheese part for you, I'll send you some, as a congrats) I really think you should dedicate a day to taking down the empire of a certain Non-Dunkin Donuts coffee drinker, but that's just my opinion. Seeing as she's a fake and highly annoying, there is alot to be said of R.R.
Well done my friend, I really do enjoy your posts :)

Tink said...

Happy 500th. I like chefmom's t-shirt idea and would really like one too, LOL. And here I was thinking about doing the same thing when I reached 500, but alas that is not to be since in about 50 posts I will have reached 1000. 500 posts just came and went quietly (but then so did my 50th birthday).

Again congratulations on hitting the big 500.

Michael C said...

AA: Then I'd better go find some!

Lis: It probably helps that I went through a slight blog addition between at about the 150 to 350 post mark.

CS: Thanks and yeah, for a while I was my only visitor. And yes, I do realize there is something wrong with me admitting that. ;-)

Lone Grey: Thanks! I'll try not to do the environment too much harm. I can still use areosol, right? I'm kidding, I'm kidding!

Selma: Cheese will always be featured here! I'd love to deconstruct, but I fear legal retaliation ;-)

Patti: That was GREAT!!! Perhaps I should put that on a t-shirt, too. I'd give you credit, of course. ;-)

Chefmom: Yes, the matching shirt idea is a good one...as is sending cheese ;-)
Yeah, i used to have a little crush on RR (please don't stop visiting the blog), but it's been over for a few years now and these days she truly makes me want to drag my own arms over a fancy cheese grater. Surely you could recommend one? ;-)

Tink: 1,000 posts? I think we all need to come congratulate you in person or something. That is amazing!!

wolf said...

Congrats on hitting 500! I guess posting almost every day helps, eh?

Seriously - great work.

meleah rebeccah said...

"It almost saddens me that I can look back over that time and find that I haven’t used this blog to change the world or to make it a forum to discuss the issues of our time"


Um....PLEASE, DO NOT EVER do that.

Happy 500th post!

I digg all of your "bad jokes, cheese, paying homage to Fred Willard and certain veiled references to me knowing the entire plot of the new Indian Jones movie" posts.

For Real.

Patti said...

Michael if I sent you a "Cheese is good" T-shirt would you wear it?

Or maybe you have one already. Our daughter has one.
She absolutely loves cheese.

You could post a picture of yourself wearing it.

kat said...

All my favorite things about your blog are in Post #500! References to cheese, Fred Willard, and the obligatory "that's what she said"!

I don't care that funding fell through - this 500th post was well worth it to me!!!

Just telling it like it is said...

Congrad's I don't think I have ever done 500 of anything now that is comitment..wait? I did jump out of an airplane this year at 10,000 ft. and and I have miss spelled 500 words and that it about it...keep on keeping on..We love to read your post..not every one is clever!!!

Josie said...

Hey, Michael, I found you again! yay! And on your 500th post, too. Now that has to be an auspicious occasion for both of us.

Congratulations!

Josie

Open Grove Claudia said...

So how come I never make it on your blog roll?? What is the story with that??

Sheez. I make up at least one of those hits....

Candace said...

Whoa, a meat buffet AND men in unbuttoned shirts? Or are they all a part of the same thing?

I'm definitely looking forward to another year of bodice-ripping goodness! ^_^

david mcmahon said...

Congrats on the 500th post. And did you say summer? Mate, it IS summer here in Australia!!

Airam said...

500 posts?!?! Wow that's a lot of blogging!

:)

brandy said...

Happy 500th Post!! I bow to your blogging perseverance!

FRIGGA said...

Congratulations on your 500! In the net 500 I want to read about more cheese! And practical jokes. Maybe not together, because it's sad to see cheese wasted. But I'll still read. :-)

Natalie said...

Congrats on 500. I would totally read 500 more posts about cheese, fried things, and Fred Willard.

meleah rebeccah said...

Im still waiting to read the elusive "Meat Buffet" post!

Tammie Jean said...

Congratulations on 500 posts! Wow, I'm impressed! At the rate I'm going, I may hit that mark sometime in the year 2020...

STACY'S TRIP said...

WOW. Just found you for the first time today and I will be back. I just moved from Riverside to Kansas City. Weird huh! And I love the Green thing on Wed. real funny. So heres to 500 more.