Ugh, With A Bullet

I have been having trouble thinking of blogging topics lately. I’d like to blame it on my new contacts or how beautiful the weather has been in So Cal or that Jeff Gordon won Sunday’s race or even on the fact that I haven’t had enough deep fried foods or melted cheese lately, but I fear those are not the reasons. Well, I fear YOU will not accept them as valid reasons. So, when inspiration fails to bite me in the arse, I result to bullet points. Random, poorly thought out bullet points…

* There is something wrong with living in Southern California when you actually reseed the yard in the Fall...and it grows.

* I live in Southern California, where it never rains. I mean that’s what they sing, so it must be true. How is it then that I have had the last 3 Fridays off and it has rained part of each one of those Fridays? Monday-Thursday? No rain. Saturday and Sunday? No rain. Go figure.

* I have this uh, friend and he made his ring tone Copacabana. How can he get his uh, coworkers to stop laughing at him whenever his cell phone rings? This is of course a hypothetical scenario only.

* Could I get fired for placing a limbo pole or stick (I’m not really sure which would be better) in the main hallway at work so that everyone who has to walk by will be required to limbo in order to get by? Imagine what it would do for moral. Although, some of my coworkers are not the most fit members of society, so imagine what it would do to our workman’s comp claims. Actually, that might be fun to watch too.

* Why does one of my favorite Jimmy Buffett songs, ‘Cheeseburger in Paradise’ make me crave ham? I worry I am missing the point. Although, MC Hammer’s ‘U Can’t Touch This’ makes me crave kosher food, so I think I’m on target there.

* I often fear that if I were a pirate, I’d give the stolen booty back. Yes, the phrase ‘give the booty back’ makes me want to scream ‘That’s What She Said,’ but I’m trying to be good. But you know I am saying it in my head.

* If I were successful in getting bocce ball televised, would people watch? Would the viewership triple if the bocce balls were filled with explosives? I shall call it Boom Ball.

* Does the fact that I want to devote my next bullet point to a soap opera like ‘All My Children’ mean that I have run out of subjects to write about?

* In the hopes of becoming more respected in the office, I have taken to talking like Alec Baldwin on 30 Rock. Sadly, whenever I try it I end up hacking as if I’ve been smoking since 1954.

* Next time I am playing a Jimmy Buffett CD in the office, I need to make sure not to walk away when ‘Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw’ is only a few songs away. It turns out some coworkers are actually offended by that lovely ballad.

* I want to run for charity. I also want to run a marathon AND a triathlon. Sadly, I have a lot of things that need to be watched on my TiVo list. The running will probably have to wait a while.

* If I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and I am a grown up, would I make a good career counselor? What does the resume for a career counselor look like? Would the more jobs they have held actually be a good thing?

* Is it worse to be a blog lurker – a blurker- or not to visit my favorite blogs at all? Yes, this is a not so cleverly hidden apology.

* Is it ok that the highlight of my day was buying a SNL t-shirt that says ‘More Cowbell!’?