Things I Learned This Week: 10/6/07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier.

! I learned that dinner at the buffet of an Indian Casino that prides itself on having 7 different cultural 'food stations' is not the place to go when on a diet. Perhaps it just isn't the place for a foodie to go - ever.

! I learned that a windy day is not the best day to try and mow the lawn when wearing the contacts I have only had for 3 days. The words panic and sandpaper are appropriate here.

! I learned that when I am wearing a 2 week heart monitor that prohibits me from wearing a tie and tucking in my shirt, I should lay low about it instead of walking through the office saying I don't have to dress up in an eerie sing -song way. This only attracts the boss' attention.

! I learned that when going to a real pumpkin patch with real dirt shortly after a rainstorm that sandals are probably not the best choice in foot wear.

! I learned that having my cellphone ringtone set to a medley of "That's What She Said's" from The Office that it only takes about 3 phone calls before Lucy and Ethel run around saying 'That's What She Said' everywhere they go. I will choose to worry when they begin using it correctly.

! I learned that a week without a Monte Cristo sandwich must be what it feels like to be in prison or not have satellite TV complete with TiVo. Ok, I realize that sounds a bit dramatic, but that is only because you have not tried one.

And lastly,

! I learned that whenever the twins decide to get into bed with us to wake us up in the morning that somehow they always end up putting all their weight on my 'manitalia.' And it hurts. It really, really hurts.