Saturday, May 05, 2007

Things I Learned This Week: 5-5-07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 4/29/07-5/5/07.

After my 300th post yesterday, I was tempted to stop writing weekly about all the things that made me look stupid during the past week, but I just couldn't help myself. I seem to be such an easy target...

! I learned that there are just certain things that should not be said when the boss joins us all for lunch. Fortunately, the entire staff learned this one.

! I learned that it’s not a good idea to compare a voicemail I received from upper management to one received from Alec Baldwin.

! I learned that ordering sauce soaked ribs for Lucy and Ethel at my favorite BBQ joint is in no way a good idea, no matter how much they profess to want them. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I sure as heck hope that all the things that the label on the stain remover bottle says are true.

! I learned that when Female Coworker is following me to a work function she gets easily agitated when I turn on my windshield wiper cleaner every time she tailgates me. She may be planning her revenge, but seeing her yell at me and give me certain ‘fingertory salutes’ through my rearview mirror was so worth it.

! I learned that electric toothbrushes aren’t the best things for two four year olds. This is especially true when I walk back into their bathroom and there are little toothpaste spots all over them and the mirror because they thought ‘making it snow’ was fun. Man, those things have a lot of RPMs.

! I learned that stealing the centerpiece off of my table at our work’s annual awards luncheon and placing it in my office has given me a cult like status among my coworkers. I also learned that the next time upper management comes by, I have to hide it.

And lastly,

! I learned that if I try teaching Lucy and Ethel how to hit a ball off of a tee long enough, it will indeed provide a ‘Funniest Home Videos’ crotch shot moment.

11 comments:

Patti said...

It was another enlightening week for you and, by extension, the rest of us.
I love the term "fingertory salutes."

Life with Lucy and Ethel certainly sounds like fun. ;~)

thanks for the smiles

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Your work world is just about worth a blog in itself....your own version of 'The Office.' Congrtats on your 300th post....about twice as many as mine. But size doesn't matter. Nope. Nosiree.

Ralph said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ralph said...

C'mon dad teach the young ones the guy slob stuff: no grownup should have to use anything but their tongues to clear BBQ sauce off their fingers...

CS said...

I always say, any funny story is worth telling, even if it's about youself. Maybe, espcially if it's about yourself.

Michael C said...

Patti: Life is definitely fun with my twins of terror ;-)

Pawlie: Thanks, whoever thought I would have fun at work. Your boy Bonds is really on a roll, by the way.

Ralph: I could not agree with you more about fingers being the perfect napkin!

CS: I think being able to laugh at one's self is a great quality.

Odat said...

ohhh...I like the snow making idea with the toothbrushes....I'll hae to try that!!!
Peace

Webmiztris said...

pfft, at least your kids have the excuse that they're only four for making the sink/mirror messy. I wonder what my husband's excuse is!! LOL

captain corky said...

"it will indeed provide a ‘Funniest Home Videos’ crotch shot moment".

LOL.

captain corky said...

Thanks for the laugh Michael.

Tammie Jean said...

All great lessons! LOL these are hilarious!