Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Do You Hear What I Hear?

Did you hear about the AP story of the boy who went to the doctor because he heard a popping in his ears? On the surface, that’s no big deal, until you get to the part where the doctor flushed out two spiders, one dead and one living. The popping he heard was the spiders moving across the boy’s eardrum. The two spiders were given to the boy as a souvenir. He took them to school and his mom took them to work. Apparently, there are no long-term side affects from providing housing in your ear cavity for arachnids.

It reminds me of the joke that ends with the doctor saying the good news is we got it out, but the bad news is that it had babies…I think it’s from Wayne’s World. But then again, so is the word ‘Schwing.’

What the story failed to address was the lack of concern that the boy or his family felt about this incident. Oh yeah, and the fact that no one seems worried that spiders just up and entered a random kid’s ear canal like a honeymoon couple in Venice (that’s a veiled canal reference for those of you who keep score at home). I can’t help but also think of Star Trek 2 where the ear bug things were put into someone’s ear and kept growing until they emerged much larger than when they went in. And that folks is why I have to wear earplugs when I try to sleep at night.

When you stop to think about it, it’s a little (OK, very) scary that something can just walk into someone’s ears. I’m just glad I’m not a heavy sleeper. Think about all the entry points on your head for spiders, bugs, ants, termites and maybe even small furry woodland creatures. You’ve obviously got the ear openings, there’s the nostrils and many people sleep with their mouths open. That is more entry points to sneak into then our country’s borders have.

The excuse potential here is great though. Think of how many days of work you could get out of by claiming that something snuck into your body while sleeping. You could attribute any side effect you wanted to that type of illness. Forgot to turn in that important quarterly report last week? That’s ok; a moth flew into your ear and is feeding on your memory. Did you tell your significant other something unforgivably stupid? Don’t sweat it, the honeybee in your sinuses is the reason you lost all sense of right or wrong. Just pulled over for speeding? The hummingbird that flew into your mouth while you were napping on your hammock altered your perception and sensation of speed. You could not have possible realized you were going 89 in a 35 mile per hour zone. You thought you were doing a safe 27 miles per hour.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that you apply a Breathe Right strip, prevent your jaw from being able to close while sleeping or open the bedroom windows before turning out the lights tonight. Well, that is unless you forgot to prepare for that big staff meeting. Man I wish I had thought of that before I got to work today.

Although, I have had an annoying ringing in my right year since December 2005…

20 comments:

Patti said...

You had better stop thinking about this freak incident or I fear you will never go to sleep again!

We need you well rested so you can continue to amuse us with your ever-humorous posts.

Natalie said...

I thought this story was insane. My favorite part was a quote from the boy I read that was something to the effect of "what next"

Ralph said...

You want to get rid of that ringing? How about playing Mitch Ryder Sock It To Me Baby at full blast...

Odat said...

"a veiled canal reference" hahahahaha!
It's a good thing I don't freak out easily...lol...I sleep like a log at night...who knows what evil lurks in my sinuses?

C said...

That's quite an interesting and creative way to call in sick. I might have to say that I got brain damage when a cockroach defacated in my nose and it's feces was sucked in like cocaine while I slept.

thethinker said...

I've had a fear of a spider crawling into my ear and laying eggs inside of it for the longest time.

Michael C said...

Patti: Yes, forgetting is good in this case

Natalie: Yeah, I can't say that my reaction would be 'what's next?'

Ralph: I'll just take your word for that ;-)

Odat: The Sinus Lurker...sounds like an evil dude from a comic book.

C: I will definitely be using that one tomorrow!

Thinker: That fear just started for me ;-)

Mimi Lenox said...

Stopping by to say hello to Michael. How's it going?

Mimi Lenox said...

Stopping by to say hello to Michael. How's it going?

mist1 said...

The same thing totally happened to me when I was a kid, but my parents called the exterminator to get them out of my head.

Wait...that was an exorcism. Never mind.

Michael C said...

Mimi: Doing great. i hope you are too and thanks for stopping by!

Mist1: Is that when they cut off an appendage because it's infected or something?

heartinsanfrancisco said...

What kind of spiders were they?

Did the live one eat the dead one, or was there just not enough earwax to feed both of them?

captain corky said...

"And that folks is why I have to wear earplugs when I try to sleep at night".

I'm so paranoid about bugs crawling into places they shouldn't be that most nights I sleep with a plastic bag over my head.

Terri said...

boy did you bring back some memories...too long to post here so come check out my post.

Tammie Jean said...

I heard about that story on the radio. I am so freaked out I think I'm getting "sypathy popping" in my ears. I may have to flush them out again...

~*SilverNeurotic*~ said...

I had something fly in my ear once. It did fly back out but until it did, it was one of the strangest, freakiest experiences I've ever had.

Anonymous said...

(Shudder) That's creepy. The average person eats like nine spiders in their life.
Oh - and 85% of all quotable statistics are made up on the spot, so don't take my word for it.

kat said...

I had a hard time reading this. I fucking hate spiders with all the passion in my soul and I have terrible hearing. I hope the two are not somehow related.

Shmergen.

My Reflecting Pool said...

i had assumed I was over this fear. I'll be taking my medication again thanks.

Anonymous said...

Very scary!! I pulled a very much alive spider out of my right ear last night with tweezers. I now will be sleeping with earplugs or cotton balls in my ears for the rest of my life. Never expierienced anything so freaky in my life!