Saturday, May 12, 2007

Things I Learned This Week: 5-12-07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 5/6/07-5/12/07.

! I learned that when Female Coworker shows me the Body Mass Index chart that she has and under the weight column there is nothing less than 200 pounds, I should not declare ‘Where is the 100 weight category? I weigh less than 200.’ Pretending like I was having trouble reading the chart before I said that really didn't help either. In fact, it created a little animosity.

! I learned that when I’m sitting at a stop light next to some very attractive ladies in a convertible, they aren’t flirting with me. They were only laughing at me blaring the Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack with my windows down. Seriously, who doesn’t like a little Jive Talkin’ every now and then?

! I learned that when I am out driving for work, I have left what I know of as civilization when I pass an old house with a sign out front that reads ‘worm molds for sale.’ Having to pull out on a two-lane road to pass a tractor with tires taller than my truck was only the exclamation point to the experience.

! I learned that I need to be more careful when using Lucy and Ethel’s T-Ball set. Ethel doesn’t seem to appreciate accidentally being struck in the back by whiffle ball when she’s playing in the yard and doesn’t expect it. And I want to know when a 4 ½ year old learned to say things like ‘see what you did Daddy, see what happens when you are careless!’ Talk about the student teaching the teacher.

! I learned that the fact that I was home watching the big Dale Earnhardt Jr. press conference on the Speed Channel will NEVER been seen as a good excuse for being 1 ½ hours late to work…at least not in stupid Southern California.

! I learned that saying my desk phone is acting up and all of the static makes it hard to hear so I need to cut my phone calls short works very well. Of course, my phone was replaced a week ago, but I don’t need to acknowledge that yet.

And lastly,

! I learned that no one in the office found the humor in me saying ‘Happy Mother’s Day to all you Muthas’ when I left work yesterday. The reaction I received begs the question of whether I should really even bother going in on Monday.


Patti said...

I love the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack.
Good thing Ethel was only hit with a Wiffle ball.
They make Wiffle balls just a few miles from where I live.
There's that six degrees of separation thing going again. ;~)

Michael C said...

Patti: Wow PEZ Dispensers and Wiffle Ball near you? That is almost worth giving up year-round BBQ weather to move there ;-)

Patti said...

Yes we live in a wondrous region of Connecticut.
Stop by anytime. ;~)

Michael C said...

Patti: I think I have relatives there. I've done Maine, Mass., New Hampshire and Vermont, but never Connecticut.

Patti said...

cool ~ well you can find us easily ~ when you get to Connecticut just look for a small, white, accessible ranch with a lot of smoke coming from the backyard ~
that's Ralph doing that guy thing.
burning meat and all

Odat said...

Worm molds????????????? WTF

Have a great weekend michael!


CS said...

It strikes me, Craig, that you work in a remarkably humorless environment. I think ‘Happy Mother’s Day to all you Muthas’ is kind of funny.

mist1 said...

Are worm molds like worm casings? I know about worm casings because I went to a luncheon at the Botanical Garden where they talked all about casings and even had a demonstration before they served lunch.

It turned out that I wasn't all that hungry.

Violet said...

I thought ‘Happy Mother’s Day to all you Muthas’ was pretty clever.

Patti said...

P.S. I giggled at that "Muthas" comment too, I just forgot to mention.

Ralph said...

Isn't the traffic congestion in SoCal one of the top ten reasons you live there? Along with the weather???

Michael C said...

Patti: The smoke is the same directions I was going to use to help you find my place ;-)

Odat: That's what I thought. You too have a great weekend!

CS: Until 5:16PM on Friday, I thought the folks I worked with had a sense of humor. That belief has now been forever dashed.

Mist1: Now that I think about it, maybe it did say worm casings...oops. So, what are worm casings?

Violet: Thanks. The real test will be tomorrow when I used the line on my actual mother.

Patti: Thanks again ;-)

Ralph: Yes, the traffic is a big plus. Especially for folks who have nothing better to do than waste $3.37 a gallon in gas just idling on the freeway while listening to the Bee Gees or whatever CD I (I mean they) find under their chair.

Ralph said...

My vehicle only has a cassette player!

Anonymous said...

I envision Chevy Chase in a beat up old station wagon. hehehehehe.

My heart runneth over... said...

Every time I read your entry what I lerned this week you conjure up old Saturday Morning Post images and make me feel like I should take note and/ or start making sure I am learning something too.

Maybe I'm wierd, who knows. Thanks for this.. You make me think!