Things I Learned This Week: 5-12-07

Because I want to spare you from experiencing some of the things I endured over the last few days, I post “Things I Learned This Week” each Saturday. It’s educational, sometimes insightful and for some reason it never makes me look good. I hope that knowing about at least one item on this list will make your upcoming week much easier. So here are the “Things I Learned This Week” for the week of 5/6/07-5/12/07.

! I learned that when Female Coworker shows me the Body Mass Index chart that she has and under the weight column there is nothing less than 200 pounds, I should not declare ‘Where is the 100 weight category? I weigh less than 200.’ Pretending like I was having trouble reading the chart before I said that really didn't help either. In fact, it created a little animosity.

! I learned that when I’m sitting at a stop light next to some very attractive ladies in a convertible, they aren’t flirting with me. They were only laughing at me blaring the Saturday Night Fever Soundtrack with my windows down. Seriously, who doesn’t like a little Jive Talkin’ every now and then?

! I learned that when I am out driving for work, I have left what I know of as civilization when I pass an old house with a sign out front that reads ‘worm molds for sale.’ Having to pull out on a two-lane road to pass a tractor with tires taller than my truck was only the exclamation point to the experience.

! I learned that I need to be more careful when using Lucy and Ethel’s T-Ball set. Ethel doesn’t seem to appreciate accidentally being struck in the back by whiffle ball when she’s playing in the yard and doesn’t expect it. And I want to know when a 4 ½ year old learned to say things like ‘see what you did Daddy, see what happens when you are careless!’ Talk about the student teaching the teacher.

! I learned that the fact that I was home watching the big Dale Earnhardt Jr. press conference on the Speed Channel will NEVER been seen as a good excuse for being 1 ½ hours late to work…at least not in stupid Southern California.

! I learned that saying my desk phone is acting up and all of the static makes it hard to hear so I need to cut my phone calls short works very well. Of course, my phone was replaced a week ago, but I don’t need to acknowledge that yet.

And lastly,

! I learned that no one in the office found the humor in me saying ‘Happy Mother’s Day to all you Muthas’ when I left work yesterday. The reaction I received begs the question of whether I should really even bother going in on Monday.