Let’s Sleep On It (That’s What She Said)

As I was exercising my right to surf the wondernet last week (not at work of course, ahem, cough, etc., etc.), I came across a story whose title included the words ‘nap’ and ‘work.’ My neck has been in a brace since. That’s a whiplash joke, though I think having to explain it automatically precludes it from falling into the category of ‘joke.’ I read the article and even took notes, which I have since misplaced, most likely because I am in need of a nap.

The story talked about how workers in other companies and countries are given nap time and how employers are realizing that a nap does the productivity good. I am paraphrasing, but the bottom line was that naps in the workplace are becoming vogue, or in vogue or maybe vogueicious, but definitely some derivative of the word vogue. Or for those of you keeping score at home, fashionable.

Since reading about the in-vogueness of napping in the workplace, I have been dropping subtle hints at my office in the hopes of getting naptime approved. My first hurdle was cutting out the use of the word naptime because it sounds preschoolish, which I have been accused of acting like more than once…a day. After a long period of deliberation and internal monologue that usually became internal debate, I settled on a good alternative to naptime – ‘efficiency energization (ener-jize-a-tion).’ For short, it can be referred to as the Double E. Please permit me to use it in a sentence for you. ‘I regret to inform you that I cannot complete your project as requested until I take my Double E.’ Or, ‘My lack of a Double E prevented me from having the energy and mental alertness to get that done today.’ I hope those examples help.

I worry however that my subtle hints have not been successful. First I came into the office yawning all day in the hopes that my boss would notice how tired I was, and not being able to do without my workplace genius and leadership (that is certainly worth a raise, by the way), would try to find a solution that would allow me to both sleep and stay at work. Unfortunately, all this tactic did was make everyone else around me yawn until we all got so annoyed from yawning that we turned against each other. Having failed in day one, I regrouped and brought in my pillow. This led to me being called a baby and being asked impolite things like ‘where’s your blankie’ or ‘are you going to suck your thumb now and drink from your bottle or do you need your diaper changed?’ The sucky part of that is the fact that I had planned on bringing in a blanket as part of my day 3 tactics. Those fools! Don’t they know that naptime efficiency energization would benefit them too?

Having had the blanket option so rudely taken from me, I got in early and posted the story I read about naptime being adopted in the workplace all over the office. I put them in front of the water cooler, over the fax machine, over the copy machine and taped one to my boss’ keyboard. Hoping that everyone had seen the story I posted, I waited all day for there to be an open dialogue about the benefits of naptime in the workplace. It never happened. This really puzzled me until I was passing the copy machine and saw them crumpled and waded up in the round file. Obviously I am going to have to adopt much more direct measures.

I’ve been tempted to just crawl under my desk and take a nap in the middle of the day, but with our earthquake last week, I fear that everyone would just assume I was prematurely ducking and covering again. And that does nothing but lessen my credibility around the office. Though it may be hard to believe, certain people in the office look up to me for guidance and feedback. Yes, it is only the new people in the office (the term ‘new’ meaning individuals employed in our office for less than 2 weeks), but it still validates my statement that certain people in the office look up to me.

It’s frustrating knowing that other workers in other offices are sound asleep with their management’s approval as I find myself sleepily listing to one side while sitting at my office computer trying in vain to stay awake. Perhaps I have been too bold and too obvious. I think I shall try a more subtle approach. Hmmmm, maybe stretching and yawning loudly while I exclaim ‘oh, I could be so much more productive if only I had been allowed to take a 30 minute nap this afternoon like they do in other more productive offices in our country and Japan, whose workers are better than us’ would do the trick. I just hope it’s not so subtle that no one notices.