Wednesday, August 06, 2008

I Wonder If It’s A Pyramid Scheme?

Pardon the repost, but I had nothing better to say today. Seriously, rhyming say and today was as good as it got. So, I offer you this...

Hot on the heels of me offering to write posts for money (which was a joke, really. Honestly. Come on you can believe me) comes today’s pointless holiday that I am choosing to celebrate. Today is called Laugh and Get Rich Day. Now of course I can’t find anything about it on the Wondernet, so I am left to ASSume what we are supposed to do in honor of today.

As you might expect, I laugh…a lot. As you also might expect, I GET laughed AT a lot, too. The only problem is that all of my laughing has most certainly NOT made me rich and I’m pretty sure it hasn’t helped my coworkers (the biggest offenders of the laughing at me category) either. If they had gotten money for laughing at me, most if not all of them would no longer need to work and would be what people refer to as ‘financially independent.’ (When you read that last phrase, feel free to use air quotes. I did).

Maybe I haven’t made money laughing yet because I haven’t bought into the pyramid aspect of it. You’re familiar with the pyramid, right? No, not the one with all the clues on it and the snappy music and Dick Clark in really outdated blazers (though who doesn’t love that pyramid). I’m speaking of the symbolic pyramid where you get to watch me laugh for money and then start laughing yourself. Of course your initial laughing is not for pay because I get your money at first. But if you can get 3-5 people signed up to laugh at me, then you get a small percentage of my take and on and on. Eventually, I will be like the Darth Vader of laughing for money and you will all be my laughing storm troopers. Or maybe I would be the Emperor of laughing and you would be my Darth Vader and so on and so on. Hang with me; I know there’s a decent Star Wars analogy there. OK, how about this? I’d be the laughing Yoda and you’d all be my laughing Jedi. Yeah, that’s a pretty good one.

One thing is for sure though; if we work the pyramid correctly, I will one day be able to stand on the top of my pyramid (proverbially speaking, of course) and shout ‘I started a joke.’ I have always wanted to be able to yell that, because let’s face it, how often do we really get to reference Bee Gees song titles in our everyday comings and goings (it also gave me a semi-decent excuse to FINALLY use that cool drawing of the Bee Gees that I've kept on my hard drive for over 2 years now). And yes, I do realize that the rest of that lyric states ‘I started a joke that got the whole world crying, but I couldn’t see that the joke was on me.’ I am choosing to ignore that part though, because I am going to start a joke that gets 3-5 people to pay me, followed by another 3-5 people and then the 3-5 they’ll sign up after that. And I know what you are going to say to me when all the laughing money starts rolling in: ‘Michael, you are so rich now that you should be dancing.’ OH MY GOD, did you see that? I was just able to reference TWO Bee Gees songs in one post.

Am I going loopy? I mean I did have quite a fever last night. I guess you could call it a ‘night fever?’ Oh wow, that’s 3 titles now. Ok, I am going to stop before I lose all of my readership over the excessive use of Bee Gee song references. Yes, you could say it’s my way of Stayin’ Alive in blogsville. All right, I’m done now. I swear!

Well, I am off to try and make everyone I know laugh in the hopes of getting my pyramid ‘triangular thing that the Egyptians built with the help of aliens’ started. However, first I would like to give you some tips on what WON’T get people to laugh based on my real life learnin’s at work yesterday:

1. When your VERY pregnant coworker walks by holding 3 styrofoam cups of water (please don’t ask me why), don’t say something to the effect of ‘please don’t drop any of those cups because I’d hate to see your water break.’

2. Also when speaking with the same VERY pregnant coworker and you are discussing the delicate subject of her contractions, DO NOT refer to the contractions as ‘the baby knocking at her door.'

3. Lastly, don’t even bother telling a VERY pregnant coworker that when the baby doctor is checking to see how dilated she is, she should sing ‘How Deep Is Your Glove.’ YES, if you give me credit for slightly altering that one, I have referenced no less than FIVE BEE GEES SONGS IN ONE POST!!!

At least yesterday was her last day at work before maternity leave. I don’t think I could’ve kept stepping on eggshells when around her much longer. She really didn’t care much for all of my jive talkin’. HA, THAT’S SIX, BABY!!!!!!


cmk said...

I would LOVE to say any--and all--of those things to a pregnant woman. However, when I WAS a pregnant woman--both times--I would have GLADLY put to death anyone saying those things to me. I guess I will just chuckle while THINKING about saying them. LOVED the Bee Gee references, by the way!

Eva said...

So during the entire last half of your witty Bee Gees-infested post, I was racking (wracking?) my brain to remember the name of the red guard guys from Star Wars that guarded the Emperor. Then I remembered that there's this thing called Google now, and found that they're called the Imperial Guard.

The reason why I am even wasting your time with this is so that I can offer up my analogy for your brilliant joke pyramid: You're the Emperor to our Imperial Guards.

That was way too much work. But I did enjoy the re-post! :)

Selma said...

Anything with the Bee Gees is worth reposting at least a dozen times. I can't get enough of men with Farrah Fawcett haircuts!

Patti said...

My only question is how deep is your love? (TWSS)

Employee No. 3699 said...

Michael, always happy to read what you have to say, even if it is a repost. You always “Give Your Best”!

While reading your comments to your very pregnant co-worker, I “Suddenly” started laughing at work. Yes, I would get in on your pyramid scheme. I would definitely pay you as “I Laugh in Your Face”. You would surely make tons of money and I don’t think it would backfire on you ‘cause you “Can’t Keep a Good Man Down” (TWSS).

Yeah, “I’m More Than a Woman”, I’m Employee No. 3699!

Darn, only five.

JustRun said...

Ha! Well thank goodness for reposts or I wouldn't have had a reason to laugh today at all. Too tired to laugh is a very bad thing. Must be the Night Fever.


meleah rebeccah said...

still funny even the second, third and fourth time Ive read this one!