Thursday, August 28, 2008

It’s So Random It Almost Seems Planned

It’s the end of the week again, holiday style! I was going to follow up last week’s introduction to Marty Robbins with a refresher on Karen Carpenter (she is not the person on the left, although the undeniable similarities are striking), because her voice was equally amazing. However, I fear doing so might overshadow Random Friday and lead to something like ‘Music you would never be caught listening to, but Michael thinks you should know about anyway.’ And let’s face it, that is way too long of a title. So, in keeping with tradition, I present a bunch of random stuff that has been laying around for a few days instead. It’s like a garage sale of really bad ideas, just without the hand made signs and arrows directing you to my front yard.

* Why aren’t there more opportunities to use the word ‘Fragile’ in our daily lives so that we can say it like Ralphie Parker’s Dad in ‘A Christmas Story?’

* I learned a very big lesson this week. I have been giving Ms. I Want To Go To Mime School a hard time for days because she keeps parking her car too close to my truck’s driver’s side. Yesterday she purposely parked extra close to me just to show me what parking too close actually means. Rumor has it she had to pull in and back up 3 times to get the closeness just right (that’s what she said). Touché Ms. I Want To Go To Mime School, touché. I tried to one up her this morning though. I waited standing by my truck in her usual parking spot this morning to monitor her parking attempt, only to realize 20 minutes had passed and she had not showed up yet. I later learned she wasn’t coming in until the afternoon. Who has the last laugh now, huh? Oh wait, it’s me.

* I’m on day 4 without the Olympics and the withdrawals are not getting any better. The human mind was not made to be exposed to such gratuitous sporting competition and then have it removed cold turkey. I had hoped the 4 nights of DNC coverage would give me something to take my mind off the Olympics, but it’s missing something, like angry Hungarians, underage athletes and smog. Damn China and their multibillion-dollar Games!

* I was reviewing something with our secretary this morning when she said ‘yum, I smell coffee.’ I replied with ‘it’s my breath.’ At that point, she no longer craved coffee. She’ll thank me later, even though I was already on my 5th cup and it most likely was my breath.

* I grabbed a piece of licorice from my coworker’s desk this morning and in the process of flipping it towards my mouth, I actually hit myself in the eye with it. It was no big deal though because I was pretty sure I got away with it and played real casual. Then a few seconds later, a coworker asked me if I was ok and admitted he saw it by saying something similar to ‘you are such an idiot.’ This of course brought it to everyone’s attention and now I’m the guy that hit himself in the ocular region with a piece of licorice. I’ve definitely had better nicknames.

* I learned a valuable workplace lesson the other day. When your boss asks you to do something, don’t ever reply by saying in a low voice ‘I shall do your bidding, my master,’ nod to him and then walk away. It turns out that not everyone feels imitating Darth Vader is as appropriate in the workplace as I do. And ditto for imitating Beavis and Butthead. It’s odd, Ross Perot=acceptable. Darth Vader=unacceptable. Maybe it’s because Perot had charts and graphs.

* I got my ‘new’ cellphone at Christmas time last year and loaded it up with a bunch of Frank Sinatra Christmas songs and then forgot completely about it after the holidays were over. That was until I had the phone in my pocket at lunch and sitting caused the play button to be depressed and everyone within a 30-foot radius of me got to hear Sinatra’s Jingle Bells. Wait, that sounded dirty.


Have a great Labor Day Weekend everybody!!! Oh yeah, don't forget to send me your questions for the special Labor Day Monday Q&A, even though it won't really be special. The name is just a gimmick to get you to stop by. It will, however, be on Monday.

12 comments:

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

Love the Darth Vader comment and Jingle Bells in July? Classic!!

My new question...

If you had to come back in your next life as a bug, which one would you want to be and why?

Hallie :)

E said...

Ooo, it is Friday and I am here and I get to leave a question! Oh boy!

Do you have any irrational phobias or peculiar dislikes. For me it is grasshoppers and onions, what is it for you?

Also...

What are the best and worst children's shows you have had to endure over the last five years?

Patti said...

I hope you got my Qs...I may even think up another.

"It's my breath." Too funny.

Have a great weekend and if I think of any wittier comments I may return.

Moonspun said...

My first visit to your site. Your comments on Lil Sass' site got up my curiosity.
I couldn't help but be amused with the licorice remark. Great visuals.
A question...hmmm...what kind of shampoo do you use and does it matter to you what it smells like?

Alison said...

I use Fragile à la Ralphie Parker's Dad fairly often.

Well, as often as I can.

Amy said...

Fra-gee-lay...coolest word ever!!!

Coffee breath...I seriously laughed out loud!! That was funny!

Question...
What is your favorite potato chip flavor?

Black or red licorice?

I know...boring questions...it's Friday night and I'm tired!

Eva said...

My question requires some homework on your part: When and how did Labor Day come about? And why do they call it Labor Day? If you could present your findings in the form of a "What I Did Last Summer" oral report, it would be greatly appreciated.

Have a great weekend, Michael! And thanks so much for visiting my blog.

Selma said...

Well Licorice Eye Guy isn't as bad as Coffee Breath Dude.....

My question is - Why do Americans drop the 'h' when they say 'herbs'? Do you drop the 'h' for every word beginning with 'h'?

Have a great long weekend!

meleah rebeccah said...

* I learned a valuable workplace lesson the other day. When your boss asks you to do something, don’t ever reply by saying in a low voice ‘I shall do your bidding, my master,’ nod to him and then walk away. It turns out that not everyone feels imitating Darth Vader is as appropriate in the workplace as I do. And ditto for imitating Beavis and Butthead. It’s odd, Ross Perot=acceptable. Darth Vader=unacceptable. Maybe it’s because Perot had charts and graphs.


That whole paragraph had me rolling in stitches! That was hysterical.

Charts and Graphs... HA HA HA

magickat said...

God! Your job sounds SO fun. Not the working part... the other stuff. The parking battle, the licorice injuries, the snarky comments.

I don't know how you guys find the time to actually WORK.

Palm Springs Savant said...

that coffee breath line is hilarious...been there before.

nice blog btw- first time visitor

Employee No. 3699 said...

I'm sooo bad; I haven't been here in a few days.

I was glad to see this post was not about Karen Carpenter. She didn't carry much 'weight' with me. Yeah, I know, bad joke.

Anyhoo, Hope you're having a great Labor Day weekend!!!