Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Woo Hoo, It’s Employee Review Time Again

Knowing that I will receive my annual employee review later this week and knowing how bad it’ll probably be (remember that little blogging at work talk I received?), I let my mind wander to what lies in store for me. I ended up thinking of:

The Things That You DO NOT Want To Hear Your Boss Say During Your Employee Review:

“Unfortunately, the Friday before the Daytona 500, Thomas Crapper’s birthday and the anniversary of the debut of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese do not count as official ‘national’ holidays.”

“It seems that some people DO find the idea of Disneyland Cuba offensive.”

“It’s not polite to point and laugh at others while doing the ‘Happy Dance’ on days when you leave the office early.”

“Your coworkers seem to have a problem with you playing your Ipod all the time. Well, it’s not so much THAT you are playing it as WHAT you are playing. Really, Barry Manilow? Seriously? Come on, let’s be a little more considerate of the people we share an office with, ok?”

“We decided instead of giving you a raise this year that we would just let you keep your job.”

“When HR learned that we were going to be meeting today, they gave me just a few pages of items concerns that they had.”

“When I asked you to prepare a 500 word essay on why I should let you keep your job, you know I wasn’t kidding, right?”

“No Michael, I would not consider learning how to make a Monte Cristo sandwich to be personal growth.”

“Well, I would like to commend you on getting to work on time, oh let me see here, 8 times this year. Yes, it certainly is an improvement over last year.”

“Not everyone considers dancing or skipping down the hallway of the office as a leadership quality.”

“I see you still haven’t packed your office yet, huh?”

“So, tell me more about this blogging thing you do during company time.”

“Michael, you know that thing that Donald Trump says to the loser each week on The Apprentice, well…”

12 comments:

Ralph said...

Well, you could use that famous line from Dilbert:

'Work can be very rewarding. You should try it some time'

In all probability, that could have some unintended if not uninteresting consequences...

Sizzle said...

Good luck not getting fired!

JK.

Performance review time is ripe for ribbing. We gotta laugh at ourselves. We'd cry our eyes out if we didn't

Patti said...

Good luck, old chap. I'll be praying for you this week.

;-)

CrystalChick said...

IF I ran an office and IF you worked there, I'd soooo let you blog and listen to Manilow all day. We'd have Cheesy Mac Mondays and leave early EVERY day and there would be prizes given for the most happy dances in a week. :)

chefmom said...

Oh Boy....I hope this goes well for you! AND who doesn't celebrate the debut of Mac and cheese?? Why does your boss get to claim it's not a national holiday? Maybe in his world...but not in ours! Good Luck!!

meleah rebeccah said...

“We decided instead of giving you a raise this year that we would just let you keep your job.”

HA HA HA *snort*

One year....that really WAS my raise.

That was the year I got caught BLOGGING on COMPANY TIME...ABOUT my company.

Odat said...

Just let him/her see your blog then they'll understand what talent they have working there!
;-)

Peace

Michael C said...

Ralph: Yeah, they might see me as some cheeky smarty mouth. Oh man, did I just say cheeky? I really need to stop that!

Sizzle: I just expect to do a lot of nodding and 'yes-sirs'

Patti: Yes, praying might help!
;-)

Crystal Chick: You will tell me when you are hiring, right?

Chefmom: Yes, we should nationally stop to recognize the debut of Mac and Cheese. Man I bet you've got a good recipe for it, right? hint, hint, wink, wink ;-)

Meleah: Me too!!!! Although for the record, I am not bragging ;-)

Odat: That's a a great idea. What would I do without ya!

Natalie said...

I made the absolute best mac and cheese last week and I thought about taking the next day off to celebrate. I should have.

silverneurotic said...

hehe! hopefully your review goes much better...

chefmom said...

I make Mac and cheese a few different ways, because each family member has their favorite. I'll e-mail you mine, Since I have the best taste. (well I seem to think so..and I win over a 2 yr.old, and 8 yr. old and my husband. LOL!) I'll send it tomorrow.

Selma said...

Cuban Disneyland sounds like my dream holiday. They would have cool activities like pin the cigar on the Dictator. I can't understand why anyone would have a problem with it. Good luck with your review!