Friday, February 08, 2008

I Wonder If It’s A Pyramid Scheme?

Hot on the heels of me offering to write posts for money (which was a joke, really. Honestly. Come on you can believe me) comes today’s pointless holiday that I am choosing to celebrate. Today is called Laugh and Get Rich Day. Now of course I can’t find anything about it on the Wondernet, so I am left to ASSume what we are supposed to do in honor of today.

As you might expect, I laugh…a lot. As you also might expect, I GET laughed AT a lot, too. The only problem is that all of my laughing has most certainly NOT made me rich and I’m pretty sure it hasn’t helped my coworkers (the biggest offenders of the laughing at me category) either. If they had gotten money for laughing at me, most if not all of them would no longer need to work and would be what people refer to as ‘financially independent.’ (When you read that last phrase, feel free to use air quotes).

I tried laughing a little earlier, but my wallet still echoes. I thought about trying to laugh outside of a bank to make the money transfer part a little easier, but didn’t want to risk being accosted by security guards. At this point, to celebrate my futility, I am very tempted to have a shirt printed up. The front of the shirt will say: ‘It’s laugh and get rich day, but I laughed and all I got was this stupid sore throat’ and the back will say: ‘…and some dirty looks.’ It’s just a thought.

Maybe I haven’t made money laughing yet because I haven’t bought into the pyramid aspect of it yet. You’re familiar with the pyramid, right? No, not the one with all the clues on it and the snappy music and Dick Clark in really outdated blazers (though who doesn’t love that pyramid). I’m speaking of the symbolic pyramid where you get to watch me laugh for money and then start laughing yourself. Of course your initial laughing is not for pay because I get your money at first. But if you can get 3-5 people signed up to laugh at me, then you get a small percentage of my take and on and on. Eventually, I will be like the Darth Vader of laughing for money and you will all be my laughing storm troopers. Or maybe I would be the Emperor of laughing and you would be my Darth Vader and so on and so on. Hang with me; I know there’s a decent Star Wars analogy there. OK, how about this? I’d be the laughing Yoda and you’d all be my laughing Jedi. Yeah, that’s a pretty good one.

One thing is for sure though; if we work the pyramid correctly, I will one day be able to stand on the top of my pyramid (proverbially speaking, of course) and shout ‘I started a joke.’ I have always wanted to be able to yell that, because let’s face it, how often do we really get to reference Bee Gees song titles in our everyday comings and goings. And yes, I do realize that the rest of that lyric states ‘I started a joke that got the whole world crying, but I couldn’t see that the joke was on me.’ I am choosing to ignore that part though, because I am going to start a joke that gets 3-5 people to pay me, followed by another 3-5 people and then the 3-5 they’ll sign up after that. And I know what you are going to say to me when all the laughing money starts rolling in: ‘Michael, you should be dancing.’ OH MY GOD, did you see that? I was just able to reference TWO Bee Gees songs in one post.

Am I going loopy? I mean I did have quite a fever last night. I guess you could call it a ‘night fever?’ Oh wow, that’s 3 titles now. Ok, I am going to stop before I lose all of my readership over the excessive use of Bee Gee song references. Yes, you could say it’s my way of Stayin’ Alive in blogsville. All right, I’m done now. I swear!

Well, I am off to try and make everyone I know laugh in the hopes of getting my pyramid ‘triangular thing that the Egyptians built with the help of aliens’ started. However, first I would like to give you some tips on what WON’T get people to laugh based on my real life learnin’s at work yesterday:

1. When your VERY pregnant coworker walks by holding 3 styrofoam cups of water (please don’t ask me why), don’t say something to the effect of ‘please don’t drop any of those cups because I’d hate to see your water break.’

2. Also when speaking with the same VERY pregnant coworker and you are discussing the delicate subject of her contractions, DO NOT refer to the contractions as ‘the baby knocking at her door.

3. Lastly, don’t even bother telling a VERY pregnant coworker that when the baby doctor is checking to see how dilated she is, she should sing ‘How Deep Is Your Glove.’ YES, if you give me credit for slightly altering that one, I have referenced no less than FIVE BEE GEES SONGS IN ONE POST!!!

At least yesterday was her last day at work before maternity leave. I don’t think I could’ve kept stepping on eggshells when around her much longer. She really didn’t care much for all of my jive talkin’. HA, THAT’S SIX, BABY!!!!!!


Patti said...

Gees, I wish I could Bee so witty in my posts.

Don't forget I do have that cheesy blog you are welcome to guest blog on, Michael. It needs some humor.

I'm first today!! YaY

Happy Friday

CrystalChick said...

HEY ~ 'I've Gotta Get A Message To You' in blogville.... It's no 'Tragedy' that you go 'Above and Beyond' for all your readers... we're laughing WITH you! :)

Valerie said...

That poor pregnant woman!!

Congrats on the six Bee Gees references, though. Very nice.

armalicious said...

I've come to the conclusion that the people you work with have no sense of humour. Because, dammit, that first one about the water is hilarious (maybe that's because I've never had a baby, so I don't fully appreciate the seriousness of that statement?). Actually - the first two are damn funny. The third one may have been where you crossed the line.

meleah rebeccah said...

"I thought about trying to laugh outside of a bank to make the money transfer part a little easier, but didn’t want to risk being accosted by security guards."


"Darth Vader of laughing for money and you will all be my laughing storm troopers."

Yes I want to be a storm trooper! I will sign people up to laugh AT you.

ps...I *heart* the BEE GEES. I am Proud to see someone working them into blog posts 5 times

Carrie said...

Oh god Michael... you're just on FIRE! It's incredible...

and I too am glad that your pregnant co-worker has left for mat leave; around month 8-9 the hormones are CRAZY.

*~*Cece*~* said...

That picture TOTALLY looks like the Bacardi guys commercial! lol You know, all silly pimped out!

Ralph said...

Ah, the Brothers Gibb:

It would be a Tragedy
Full of Lonely Days
Without your laughing ways

For you we really thrive
And are Stayin' Alive
So we can hear you Talking Jive

we are laughing with you...really!

Selma said...

All this laughing may actually lead to a new career for you; maybe something like Minister For Energy. Because people will be laughing so much they will go to bed early and (drumroll, please) 'the lights all went out in Massachusetts.' Think of the power that will be saved. You might get a knighthood or at least a credit on the next Barry Gibb album!

citizen of the world said...

Reading this, I started to cry, which started the whole world laughing. (Which includes you, so I think I know deserve a cut of whatver money rolls in for you.)

Odat said...

If laughing got me rich, I'd just have to read your blog to become a millionaire! ;-)


OMYWORD! said...

When I'm standing All By Myself, outside of the bank and in front of the ATM machine, I wait for it to laugh at me. I only go there After Dark, so I won't be humiliated. If it ever happens, I'll grab my debit card and run As Fast As I Can, and All The Kings Horses won't get me back there again. When they come and arrest me because I'm such a Bad Girl, I'll put on my Boogie Shoes and Breakout! But I'll tell you this: before they get Carried Away and Bury Me Down By The River, I'll find that Buried Treasure!

Jesus, they wrote a lot of songs. I'm tired now. But that's because I'm a Daytime Girl.