Thursday, June 19, 2008

They Actually Had To Do A Study For This???

You'll forgive me, I'm ASSuming, for reposting again. I promise I'll get you a new post or two early next week before I head to the land of Tillamook for cheesy gluttony.

OK, I just finished reading a Reuters news story that said researchers in Canada have discovered that young male students do better when being tutored in reading by female tutors rather than male tutors. The boys that were studied were in the third and fourth grades. Uhhhh, isn’t that when boys start to really ‘discover’ the fairer sex? And by discover, I mean notice their beauty and girly parts and stuff, in case you didn't know what I meant.

I wonder if the study involved watching Van Halen’s ‘Hot For Teacher’ video. There is also a nice tutoring scene in Adam Sandler’s ‘Billy Madison’ that comes to mind. And why do I hear Dustin Hoffman saying 'Mrs. Robinson, are you trying to seduce me' in the background? Were the results of this study really a surprise? Yeah the male tutor could use things like sports analogies and high fives to connect with his student, but all the female tutor has to do is show up and speak in soft dulcet tones.

Yes I’m probably being sexist here, but if I had to be tutored for work (ok, it’s more like WHEN I need to be tutored for work), I'm sure I would pay a lot more attention to the female work tutor than I would the man. Although, if the man liked NASCAR and had a real appreciation for the miracle that is the deep fryer, I’ll admit that we would not get much done because we’d be talking about what a God Dale Earnhardt was, what a little girly boy Jeff Gordon is and try to one up each other with stories of the greatest things we have ever tried to deep fry. Now if the work tutor was a woman who was paying attention to me (if only because she was being paid to help me become a better worker), I would most certainly give her more attention than the guy. I’d probably hang on her every word and become more productive over night. Unless of course she could name several NASCAR tracks and smiled at the mention of things like bounce houses...

OK, I got lost in my thoughts for a moment…what was I writing about? Yes, that’s right, the study that showed boys learn more from female tutors. Hmmmm, a bunch of awkward hormonal boys spending one on one time so close to a woman? Uh yeah, the tutor would have their full attention. I hope this wasn’t a very expensive study. The long term effects of mass amounts of cheese on an artificial human heart valve? That's an important study. Pubescenty boys digging lady-tutors? Kinda easy.

Speaking of recent published study results, I came across another one yesterday. I logged onto the wondernet last night ready to visit my favorite blogs, download pictures of Cheddar and Colby Jack cheese for my cubicle walls and to catch a few 30 Rock episodes on Youtube. But what did I encounter before that? An unclothed very elderly couple seen from the shoulders up in a deep and uh, loving embrace. It was awkward to see and then it got even more awkward when I read the headline that accompanied the photo: ‘Study reveals the elderly are having more sex than thought.’

Uh, um, oh boy…I’m speechless. The last time I was this speechless I was under general anesthesia. Explain to me why this was so important for me know. How was this study conducted? More importantly, WHY was this study conducted? You know what, I just can’t continue with this. Can we just come to an agreement and declare that whatever happens in these ‘experienced’ couples’ Craftmatic Adjustable old people’s beds stays in their Craftmatic Adjustable old people’s beds?

Have a great weekend everybody!!


Eva said...

I think that if Ryan Reynolds had taught Chemistry 140 instead of Mr. Ghamsary, I wouldn't have had to repeat the class twice before passing it. Oh and while I'm making wishes, I wish he is shirtless. Thanks.

Patti said...

All I could think of when I was reading this was The Beav and how he loved Miss Landers,who spoke in those soft dulcet tones.
I know she was his teacher and not a tutor, but you know what I mean.

There may just be something to those Craftmatic Adjustable Beds, ya know.
I wouldn't knock them if you never tried them.

citizen of the world said...

Did they mention the effect of tutor gender on girls?

And obviously, the old folks sex study is important to you or you wouldn't have all those questions about it! Ah, the power of science.

Linda ~ said...

"Had a real appreciation for the miracle that is the deep fryer"...Do you know they actually deep fry Twinkies? They freeze them first, then dip them in batter and deep fry them. I saw them being sold at a concession stand when we were on vacation about a month ago. I was going to try one, but in the end I couldn't do it...and my arteries thanked me.

Hope you have great weekend.


Amy said...

Girly boy Jeff Gordon...old people and sex...and I just watched Billy Madison yesterday...too funny!

I think I would have to tend with the study...I think if a male was teaching me...I would do better...mainly because if a girl was teaching me...we'd just sit and chat about our shoes and the deal we got when buying them!!

meleah rebeccah said...

Have A Wonderful Weekend. I could use some cheese gluttony upon my return from vacation!

Mel Heth said...

Mmmmm...cheesy gluttony....

Old people and the S word gets filed away in my brain with "where beef really comes from," "how mushrooms are grown," and "what's really going on in George W's head" -- they're all way to scary to actually think about.

Sizzle said...

I'm so distracted by thoughts of Tillamook cheese. MMMMM!

Have a great weekend. :)

Janna said...

Dammit, now I have to get that mental image out of my head.

Selma said...

I'd like to nominate this for line of the year - 'The last time I was this speechless I was under general anaesthesia.' Can't be topped. Ever. Over and out.