Sunday, June 15, 2008

In Search Of The Perfect Post

I will be right up front with you on this one. It's Father's Day AND Dale Jr. finally won a race after two freakin' years! Yes, that means I am too busy to come up with something new for today. Do I feel bad about that? Uh, sure.

For whatever reason, I rarely strive to undertake something to the best of my ability. I realize I should but it helps me manage people’s expectations. The lower I keep them, the less will hopefully be asked of me. I have made the mistake in the past of setting very high expectations, which only proves to be a pain to live up to. However, when it comes to this blogging stuff, I find myself striving for perfection at least three days a week. It may not seem like much, but that is easily three times more than the effort I put into work or rational thinking.

Daily, it seems that I read posts that are excellent and inspire me to want to create the ultimate post - one that should be marked as a classic in the dictionary or encyclopedia. Well, ok, I’d settle for an entry in Wikipedia. I came across a few of them again while surfing blogs this morning and it really got me thinking about what would make the perfect post, the post that when I realized it could not be topped would send me into blogging retirement, and maybe a book deal. Though I’d settle for getting a pamphlet published.

Of course by describing it to you, it kind of takes away the need to actually try to write the perfect post since I’ll essentially be doing that here, but maybe that’s just my way of talking about doing the work instead of actually doing it. While the perfect post means different things to different writers, for me and my personal standards, it would have to be witty, laugh out loud funny and at the same time make the reader think long after reading it, though not in a college philosophy class type of way. The penultimate post also needs to force readers to contemplate such deep thoughts as their own mortality, their particular brand of spirituality, how we coexist as a global people and why the Dave Clark 5 could be the most under appreciated band of the entire British Invasion. OK, you got me. I ran out of ideas by the time I wrote that last item. Perfection is hard. And though it doesn't make any sense here, I still feel like that last sentence deserves a 'that's what she said.'

As difficult as it would be to accomplish, I'd want my ‘classic’ post to also leave people in awe of my brilliant intelligence, or my ‘brilligence,’ if you will. I'm not saying that I'm brilligent, but I'd want my perfect post to leave that impression upon the reader (obviously I'm hoping for gullible readers). Oh yeah, getting people to cry would be cool too. So would having people quote it for years after or see it put into an email and forwarded, oh I don't know, dozens of times. And having it stolen for use as an advertising slogan. And having the post spark an entire new movement, but that’s it. OK, and it could lead to my own TV comedy development deal or daily humor column or multiple book deal. Or if I really dare to dream, the post would make someone want to do my lawns for free. Really though, if I had to choose just one effect if I ever am lucky enough to compose the perfect post, I’d just settle for the crying part. Or the quoting part. Although the TV thing would be pretty neat. Or perhaps it would make people want to mail me exotic cheeses, though they would have to be shipped in frozen containers because I got sick from a spoiled dairy product once and well, yeah, I'm don't want to talk about it now.

Now for the actual nitty gritty elements of my perfect post. I realize that by getting into these items that I am possibly providing you with what I think are the elements and blue print to compose the perfect post, thereby making it possible for my perfect post to be stolen. However, I am trusting, or na├»ve or maybe just not that smart, so I don’t mind providing these secret ingredients for the perfect post. After all, the perfection lies in how the elements are presented, which by the way I will also provide for a nominal fee. Or exotic cheeses, assuming you packaged and shipped them correctly.

All right, now here is what I think the perfect post should contain. Oh, you know what; I’ve already exceeded my 500+ words for the day. Now I won’t be able to share what I think is needed for the perfect post. I guess I spent too much time talking about it instead of just getting it done. Whoa, that sounds like my last employee review. Hopefully I didn’t get anyone too excited. Again, it just seems like that last sentence needs a 'that's what she said.' Sorry about stringing you along. Well, as long as I’m around to see the sunrise and my computer boots up, there’s always tomorrow. Hey, that’s pretty good. I need to remember that.

10 comments:

Janna said...

Forget the perfect post. Just be glad I mentioned you in my will.

No, really.

Here...

Selma said...

Writing the perfect post would be very, very hard - (that's what she said) but not beyond you. If anyone can do it, you can. You're certainly brilligent enough!

Patti said...

I'm with Selma..you are brilligent enough to create that perfect post.

You certainly have written many near-perfect posts, old chap.

Happy Monday!

R2K said...

Your worst post is deeper and longer than my best...

Employee No. 3699 said...

You can not write the perfect post if it will send you into blogging retirement. Seriously, every post I read of yours cracks me up.

Anyhoo, if you wrote the 'perfect post', would it indeed be your last? Or would you have to write a separate post saying goodbye? Reading that last post would make me cry, therefore creating another 'perfect post'.

Hmm?

On a limb with Claudia said...

Dude, we all aspire to the Plato perfect post. That's what keeps us struggling here on earth. Someday we'll get there....

I'm glad you are walking around and doing better -that's awesome.

Michele said...

Whatever do you mean? You always write perfect posts. My favorite by far is the working for the CIA one. Or was it the FBI? Hmmm... see you made me think about it (contemplate deep thoughts), weeks after I read it. Isn't that one of your criteria?

Plus I guffawed loudly when I read the bit about missing the caviar cart. Another personal standard right there.

So yeah, me thinks your post are practically perfect in every way!

Eva said...

I think you should take your "perfect post" ideas on the road for a traveling seminar type thing. Like the Learning Center. You could simply build a pyramid scheme, selling your perfect post idea to the masses, they in turn sell it to their sucker friends, and you sit back and watch the money roll in. Then you could retire from your day job, and delight/torture us with multiple posts daily! And you would be so rich, you wouldn't care so much about post perfection anymore. You would care more about the next meeting with your architect to go over the plans to build your private cheese factory.

meleah rebeccah said...

"I'm not saying that I'm brilligent"

Well I am saying that YOU ARE

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