Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Today’s Meaningless Holiday? Whatever You Want It To Be!!

It’s been a long year folks, but March 26th is finally upon us. I started to get really itchy mid-January. I just didn’t think I was going to make it, but finally the wait is over and one of the best days of the year is here. I can finally stop looking with longing at the big blue circle I made around March 26th. It’s ‘Make Up Your Own Holiday’ Day. Yep, the day where you or me or us or them or we get to make Wednesday about whatever it is we or me or you or them or us want. I’m trying to post this early enough so that you still have time to call in sick and celebrate your holiday.

Getting to decide what you want Wednesday’s holiday to be about is a very big responsibility, just like making the choice between a kraut dog or a Chicago dog at Weinerschnitzel, and that’s AFTER you’ve made the decision choosing Weinerschnitzel over any other fast food place to begin with. There are so many options. After all, we have so many different passions, interests and things we’d love to celebrate. Do we go all Sesame Street and make Wednesday the day of the letter ‘D’ or the number ‘3?’ Whoa, that got kinda Dr. Seussian there…

Do we celebrate something selfishly that just we (by which of course I mean you or they or them or him or her) like or try to make it more universal? The weight of this decision is enough to crush someone. Of course I mean that figuratively, because the pounds per square inch of a decision that would be necessary to render someone crushed is beyond calculable. Or not. To be honest, I really have no idea. I just keep typing until all my thoughts have been expended and then I add a period. And now, I am woefully off topic, although I think I finally figured out why I don’t interview well when up for a job.

Ok, back to the holiday. With all the news coverage of it lately, you might assume that Wednesday’s holiday was going to be ‘Let’s Keep Talking About Britney’s Appearance on How I Met Your Mother’ Day by default, but the beauty of this holiday is that you decide. Or, I decide and I can tell you that I will not be celebrating ‘Let’s Keep Talking About Britney’s Appearance on How I Met Your Mother’ Day. Since this is such an overwhelming responsibility, I would like to offer you some potential holidays for your consideration. Obviously with Wednesday bearing down on us by the time this is posted, we’ll have to act quickly to get banners, streamers, balloons and the ticker tape parade ready. Oh yeah, the dip. I forgot that we’ll need to prepare the chips and dips. I’m thinking onion, hummus and guacamole, though preferably in separate containers.

The first holiday that comes to me is ‘I Feel Fine But Really Don’t Want To Go Into The Office Today’ Day. This one is pretty straightforward. You wake up tomorrow morning, call your boss and say something like ‘Well good morning. How are you? Oh, I’m fine, thanks for asking. Well here’s the reason I’m calling. See, I like you and I like getting a paycheck and all, but I really don’t want to come into work today. No, I’m fine. I feel great actually, it’s just that I don’t want to deal with working today, but I’ll see you tomorrow though. Maybe we can have coffee together or try that new steak place for lunch. Oh and by the way, since I’m declaring this my holiday, I do expect to be paid for today.’ Of course you don’t have to recite that verbatim, but you get the general idea. I’ll leave how you will celebrate ‘I Feel Fine But Really Don’t Want To Go Into The Office Today’ Day up to you. I would like to suggest that you incorporate your favorite beverage, a hammock and some Jimmy Buffett into it though.

Then there is always ‘Rachael Ray Is Starting To Control Way Too Many Forms Of Media And That Scares Me Day.’ I can think of a few bloggers right off the top of my head that will want to celebrate this one. The basic theme of this holiday is to avoid all things Rachael Ray, or basically stay in your closet with the lights off until Thursday morning because that chick is EVERYWHERE!


Another nice idea for consideration is ‘Eat Like It’s Your Last Day On Earth’ Day. It’s all about eating with no guilt or repercussions other than stomach pain that will make you scream for your mother and wish that you had never been given teeth or a mouth or a stomach or the ability to feel hunger, but that’s just a temporary side effect of course. For one day, just wear pants or shorts with an elastic waistband and eat everything that you have been working so hard to avoid. Chili Dogs, burgers, lobster tail, 3 slices of Key Lime Pie chased with a slice of coconut cream chased by a slice of pecan, ribs – smoked and sauced, steak, Monte Cristos, crème brule and Elvis’ fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. These are obviously examples pulled from thin air, but I wanted to give you options. Basically, I call it the Trump Method: if you see it and you want it, then get it.

I haven’t decided what I will celebrate yet. It might be cheese related, it might involve me doing something that will require hospitalization or at the very least me saying ‘hey, watch this’ followed by the emergency application of a tourniquet. Perhaps I will celebrate a holiday that involves giving bloggers who have the initials of MC and identical twin daughters buckets of cash. You know, something subtle and slightly understated for the day. One thing is for sure, I’ll be spending all night trying to figure out how to get a paid day off for it though…


As if this post wasn’t long enough (that’s what she said) and didn’t meander all over the place, I’m guest blogging at ...And The Pursuit Of Happiness on Wednesday. Please stop by because it’ll probably be quite a while until I write this much again…unless you are an interested publisher. In that case, I can easily crank out 10,000 words a day. Seriously, it’s as easy for me as chewing…

11 comments:

Sizzle said...

If it was my last day on earth or I was eating like it was my last day on earth you can be damn sure there'd be cheese involved.

Like how you slipped in the "that's what she said" there. Clever. ;)

citizen of the world said...

I want a Lie on Some Tropical Beach Day. First I need a sponsor.

Alison said...

@Sizz, now I have to read the post again, very. carefully. to catch the What She Said!

Also, I think it should be To Hell With It All day.

Odat said...

Ok, I declare today as:

"Three More Days to Go Until I Feel Fine But Really Don't Have to Go To Work Anymore Day!" ;-)

pEACE

CrystalChick said...

Gee, I can't even go to my closet and hide because that's where hubby has HER hidden. When I leave the house she pops out, whips him up a 30 min. something or another, tells him how YummO he is and then bounces down to DD in her happy bubble. I just can't win.

chefmom said...

I'll make this brief, as it's dark in here and I'm sitting on shoes. I grabbed a bottle of wine and will sit here in silence, hiding from "HER". Oh, and atleast you remembered the name of your favorite sandwhich this time.....

Momo Fali said...

Mine was along the lines of "Eat like it's your last day on earth". It was "Eat leftover Easter chocolate like you think you'll never see another piece of it in your life". Tomorrow will be "Hate myself and lock the cabinets" day.

meleah rebeccah said...

Lay In Bed And Blog All Day In Pajamas.

Selma said...

Being of the melodramatic, soap-operaesque persuasion, I want my holiday to be the 'I Need Time To Find Myself' day or the 'I Don't Know Who I Am Anymore' day. I also want background music and lots of soft lighting.

Patti said...

I like the eating like it's no tomorrow concept.

I do hope you enjoyed your special holiday.

magickat said...

I seriously honestly can't handle these make believe holidays.

"Really".