Monday, March 17, 2008

Everyone Is Looking For A Bullet Come Monday

Does anyone else find it odd that random thoughts seem to occur as if on a schedule? I fear that it might take the randomocity out of it. Whatever the answer is, I have some random thoughts to share, just as I do every week, which might not make them as random as I’d like to believe they are. And the answer is yes, I do like to hear myself type…

* To everyone who I kept saying ‘have a great Monday’ to since Sunday night, I am terribly sorry. I’m not usually such a oxymoron!

* It’s a sobering thought when the city puts up those radar screens that show how fast you are driving on your daily walking route and a car zooms past doing 40 and no matter how fast you run, you can’t even make the thing detect you…

* It’s a true sign that you are getting older when you no longer see the radar detectors I mentioned above as a way to gauge how fast you can make your car go. In high school and college, we saw these radars as a challenge instead of the threats that we see them as today. *Sigh*

* Need a few extra bucks? Just woo Sir Paul McCartney so that he falls for you without signing a pre-nup, dance with a professional for a few weeks in front of millions watching at home and then ask for a divorce. The artificial leg is optional, of course.

* Do you think that dressing like Indiana Jones will come back into vogue when the new movie comes out? There are times when having a whip would give me some much needed credibility around the office.

* According to my coworkers, wearing yellow and blue DOES NOT make green on St. Patrick’s Day. Apparently this holds true even when I ask them to squint real hard while looking at me.

* I recommend not going for your daily walks with the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack loaded onto your Ipod or MP3 player. When ‘Staying Alive’ comes on, it’s essentially impossible not to walk without doing the Travolta strut from the movie. And that just makes you look like a big idiot, especially when you pretend to be wearing bell bottoms and holding paint cans in both hands, unless of course you are able to hear that song and NOT walk like that. If that’s the case though, you have far better self-control than I do, but somehow I suspect you already figured that much out.

* I just saw that some dude who used to blog about the Food Network just got his own webcast show about the Food Network. Wait a finger lickin’ minute here, I don’t remember any auditions for this! Lots of us blog about the Food Network and we weren’t offered this great opportunity! We too write about the great food, the great hosts (hi, Giada) and the great shows just like he must have done. Oh wait, I think I just figured out why: we don’t write NICE things about Rachael Ray. Ok then Food Network, I am officially declaring today that I am changing my allegiance and becoming a Rachael Ray fan (sorry Chefmom, I know this will both surprise and upset you greatly, but the chance of getting a Food Network webcast doesn’t come along every day). Yum-o, EVOO, spunky, spunky, spunky, you CAN cook these meals in 30 minutes…See, I’ve converted! Now please email me at michaelmwc@sbcglobal.net with my webscast contract. Gee, thanks!

13 comments:

Alison said...

Best. title. ever.

Michael C said...

Alison: Wow, thanks!!!

Selma said...

Pardon my gravy, did I just read the words 'write nice' and 'Rachael Ray' in the one sentence? ;-)
You'll be on the Food Network in no time with an attitude like that.
Thank you for always brightening my day !

Odat said...

Is randomocity really a word? ;-)

Yellow and blue? I'm ashamed of you!
(Nice poem).

And if anyone deserves a contract with the food Network, it most definitely should be you! All that cheeseNstuff.

Peace

Patti said...

I'd definitely watch "BBQ-ing with Michael" or would it be "Cheez, it's Michael in the Kitchen Again."

I would even start an online Fan Club. That's the kind of blog friend I am.

Thanks for the smiles, even if it's now Tuesday.

Cass said...

This post was hilarious - I laughed so hard i had to stop eating my cereal! I feel like you need to work the word Delish into your Rachel Ray speak in order to qualify for webcast...that's the one thing she says that works my very last nerve. Everything else I can ignore and look past. I take the back. Stoup also irritates me.

silverneurotic said...

My heart is with John Lennon-so I don't think I could ever fall in love with Paul McCartney. I'll leave the one legged crazies for him.

chefmom said...

Okay, you started the post off great. You had me at this line "There are times when having a whip would give me some much needed credibility around the office." When isn't a whip handy?! How about on the highway, whip the car next to you when they get to close!
Then I read further. I am truly ashamed of you. "I am officially declaring today that I am changing my allegiance and becoming a Rachael Ray fan." So, I am officially declaring today that I a changing my allegiance and becoming a Non-Michael C blog reader anymore. Sorry buddy, You're a traitor.
HAHAHHAHA Just messin' with ya. I'll keep reading, but you're still a traitor. Become an Alton Brown Fan. Emulate Giada, Paula Deen, cause she uses so much butter. ANYONE but Rachel Ray. I even have a hard time typing the name.

Michael C said...

Selma: It gets to a point in one's life where you have to weigh the options of selling out, which I did.

Odat: Randomicity is a real word around here!! ;-)

Patti: Thanks! How about if I just put cheese on everything I BBQ. Who can resist that, right?

Cass: Thanks for the heads up. I knew I was missing a word. Damn, that probably ruined the whole deal for me...

Silver: Oh, you go more the Yoko than Heather Mills route, huh? ;-)

Chefmom: I know this was painful to read, but my career needed something desperate at this point. I am so sorry for Benedict Arnolding ya...

FRIGGA said...

I'm one of those that'll say "Happy Monday" but usually I'm just happy that I survived the alarm clock portion of the day.

RE: Indiana Jones - I'd nix the whip... unless you LIKE being called into HR.

I'm very suprised the Food Network hasn't approached you with a contract yet. I mean, how many shows does that Rachel chick have? Obviously they don't have enough employees to cover all their time slots. Plus, if you had a show I'd totally watch :-0... (well, as long as the word "cheese" is in the title)

Happy NOT Monday!!! :-)

citizen of the world said...

That SNF strut even made Travolta look like an idiot!

kat said...

As someone who is a HUGE fan of St. Patricks Day, I think you were very clever by wearing blue and yellow to make green. I'm sure if you'd asked those people at the end of happy hour they would've totally seen it your way.

Palm Springs Savant said...

LOL good post...I like it