Sunday, March 23, 2008

Reasons I’m An Idiot, Numbers 303-310 (Formerly Known As ‘Things I Learned This Week’)

* My friend at work has helped me name my autobiography, you know, should a reason ever actually arrive for me to write it. The name is inspired by my heart issues and will be called The Angina Monologues (even though saying the word ‘Angina’ makes me nervous and blush a little). The title may be changed if we decide to use The Angina Monologues as the sequel for our never quite fully realized musical, ‘Nylons in Arizona.’

* When Female Coworker says this is the first day in a month that her phones haven’t been ringing off the hook, isn’t it a law of office etiquette that you have to start crank calling her office immediately? I don’t know why everyone started getting so righteous on me after I did it.

* When Female Coworker tries to exact revenge for the prank mentioned above by telling on you by saying that you ate meat for lunch on Good Friday, isn’t it also office law that you have to respond with a ‘that’s what she said?’ Again, I don’t know why everyone started getting so righteous on me after I did it.

* When George Michael’s ‘Gotta Have Faith’ song starts playing while you and your coworkers are at lunch, resist with all of your might the urges you have to sing along to the chorus. Please trust me on this. Ditto for Barbara Mandrell’s ‘Sleeping Single in a Double Bed,’ no matter how catchy that damn song is! And while we are at it, seriously, what restaurant plays these 2 songs back to back?

* When you have written what you think was a pretty good blog post and then go through almost the whole next day without any comments on it and are starting to be filled with self-doubt, self-loathing and have taken to mumbling, go visit your blog just to make sure that YOU ACTUALLY POSTED IT!

* It’s ok to tell people that you spent the night before watching John Wayne, Dean Martin, Ricky Nelson and a very young and beautiful Angie Dickinson in ‘Rio Bravo.’ However, it is apparently not ok to go around the office singing the theme song to it.

* There is no greater at-work dread than composing a very negative email criticizing a new company policy intended to be sent to your coworker and then telling him that you just sent him that email, only to hear him respond with ‘really, I didn’t get it.’

* It can be quite a self-awakening (and a pretty big hint that you aren’t the hep-cat you believe yourself to be) when you pull up to an attractive girl at a stoplight, look over and see that she is shakin’ and groovin’ to something that obviously has a good beat worthy of all that movement and then realize you are listening to Johnny Horton’s ‘Ballad of New Orleans.’ Now seriously, I have NO idea how that got onto my Ipod.

16 comments:

Selma said...

Hope you retain casting control when 'The Angina Monologues' plays off Broadway. I mean, you don't just want any two-bit actor playing you. I can see one of the Baldwins (preferably not Stephen), Matt Damon or Daniel Day Lewis pulling it off. Say no to Marky-Mark or Tom Cruise - it just won't work.

And who doesn't sing along along to "Sleepin' Single In A Double Bed" ? It's practically mandatory to do so. I also can't hold back when 'Stand By Your Man' comes on because Michael, can I be frank? Sometimes it's HARD to be a woman!

Michael C said...

Selma: I'd be cool with Fred Willard playing me for some reason. Your last two sentences will have me laughing from now until I get to work tomorrow! That was well done Selma!! ;-)

citizen of the world said...

I often burst into song at inopportune times. The folks hwo are trouble by it are the ones with problems. Right?

Janna said...

"Oh, cuz ya gotta have faith.... a Faith-a Faith-a Faith-AH!!"

Now I've got that song stuck in my head.

Thanks.

Patti said...

I was wondering about the progress of "Nylons in Arizona." It sounded so promising when you told us about it.

Momo Fali said...

Wow. I forgot that Barbara Mandrell even EXISTED.

Michael C said...

Citizen of the World: You are absolutely right.

Janna: Sorry. The burden of guilt I now feel is crushing.

Patti: 'Nylons' is never far from my mind.

Momo: Yeah, i think she was popular long ago and far away. But then so was Milli Vanilli...

ashley said...

You're hilarious. I would have totally been by your side singing along. Too bad.

meleah rebeccah said...

Hope you had a wonderful Easter. xxoo

Open Grove Claudia said...

Well, at least you weren't listening to BARNEY!

chefmom said...

George Michael!!! I had forgotten he even existed until I started watching "Eli Stone". Funny show, try to catch it. And is this woman 5? Telling on you for eating meat? I would have thrown in as many TWSS comments as I could, all day.
Hope you had a nice Easter!

Sizzle said...

Barbara Mandrell? I remember that show she used to have with her sister!

I would totally not be able to resist singing George Michael songs. EVER.

Essentially Me said...

The Angina Monologues??

Sounds like a best-seller!

Michael C said...

Ashley: I'd be taken more seriously if I weren't singing alone all the time.

Meleah: I did and I hope you did too!

Claudia: No, fortunately the reign of Barney around here ended over a year ago! ;-)

Chefmom: Sadly, the TWSS is my only defense ;-)

Sizzle: The late 80s will forever have his imprint on them. I so wanted his leather jacket!

Essentially Me: Welcome! Best Seller? Perhaps I should get writing...
;-)

Aisby said...

I sing the Ballad of New Orleans to my students when I teach the War of 1812. They think I'm a dork, but they don't forget Colonel Jackson!!

Michele said...

The ballad of New Orleans is a classic and must be sung with gusto, very loudly and with a country accent. At least that's how I sing it. Don't you?