Thursday, March 29, 2007

Top Ten (And A Half) Things Said Before Or After My Open-Heart Surgery

I post a Top Ten and a Half List every Friday (or in a reasonable proximity to it). Why ten and a half? Because I don’t want to be accused of stealing a great idea, of course…

So, here are the top ten (and a half) things said either before or after my open-heart surgery for valve replacement:

11. That saw isn’t dull, is it?

10. Now, when you cut out the old valve, you’ll wake me up so I can see it, right?

9. Oh, you say you stayed at a Holiday Inn Express last night?

8. Say, did you hear the one about the anesthesiologist and the narcoleptic?

7. When I run from now on, will I make sounds like Lee Majors in the Six Million Dollar Man or is that extra?

6. Doc, you did a great job. Let me buy you a steak. Oh, the cow is sacred to you? How about pulled pork then?

5. Does this new valve make me look fat?

4. Can I go home now? I’m starting to lap the old guys when I take my mandatory walks around the nurse’s station.

3. What do you mean you can’t find one of your surgical clamps?

2. Seriously, no one else hears that ticking sound?

And the number one thing said either before or after my open-heart surgery…

1. You’re working on my heart, so explain to me again why you have to put that tube up my…

8 comments:

CSL said...

These are funny, although I'm sure the surgery is anything but. Southern wirter Lweis Grizzard had a book about his open heart suregery called, "They Took My Heart And They Stomped That Sucker Flat."

Odat said...

So,,,,was the saw dull and does it make you look fat??? how bout if you wear black?
Peace

mist1 said...

Is it just me, or are cardiologists born without a sense of humor?

Michael C said...

CSL: The surgery was funny once I felt better...about 3 months later ;-)

Odat: Judging my the scar, yes the saw was very dull ;-)

Mist1: It's not just you. Many a good line of mine as been wasted on the heart docs.

C said...

You laugh in the face of danger! Brave man. Well now you know that that losing old valve did not destroy your sense of humor.

captain corky said...

1. You’re working on my heart, so explain to me again why you have to put that tube up my…

That's never a good time.

SGT DUB said...

Michael??? You have never seen Chitty Chitty Bang Bang????
Send me your addrerss and I'll buy it for you. A classic.

Eva said...

Awesome, Mike. The Holiday Inn Express one had me rolling! But my favorite? The one about your new valve making you look fat. Perfectly constructed post, Mr. C!