I Don’t Care What’s In ‘Em, I Just Care That They Taste Good!

The stars are starting to align and life is good. My one-year blogiversary is finally tomorrow and the competitive food eating circuit may about be back to normal, but more about that in a minute. To think, one year ago right now, I sat at my computer blissfully unaware of the horrible blogging addiction that would begin the following day. Ahhh, simpler times, simpler times…

It’s almost the 4th of July where we will take to the streets, BBQs and illegal fireworks stands to celebrate out nation’s birthday. It’ll also be the day when Nathan’s Coney Island Hot Dog Eating Contest is held. When ESPN airs the food contest and the guy that once called the Indy 500 for ABC is the announcer, you know the contest must be big! Unless the announcer did something really wrong and has been exiled to the dung heap of sports announcing – food contests. Watching the competitors cram hot dogs and buns into their mouths at a furious pace is part of the holiday celebration for me. As is me getting violently ill while making my annual promise that I will never eat hog dogs again.

The 2005 contest was a particular favorite of mine. It was just a few days after my surgery and I sat cooped up in my hospital room with my two older but wiser roommates on one of my favorite holidays of the year. As we watched the hot dogs being devoured, we commented how disgusting it all really was and I stated that if the hospital tried to serve us hot dogs in honor of the 4th, I would revolt by pulling out my IV and my equally battered roommates declared their support, even though I think one of them was asleep while doing so.

Move two hours forward when my caring friends showed up from 100 miles away with a box of homemade grilled hot dogs. It was a very touching gesture with very bad timing. My roommates snickered and politely declined to take one as I very slowly tried to eat my hot dog without gagging while I worked on getting the horrific display of hot dog contests out of my mind. Japanese contestant Takeru Kobayashi won his second straight contest that year and won it again last year. He successfully came to American soil and beat us at what we are best at – gluttony. The big-bellied American challengers could only shake their heads in shame.

Well, that’s all going to change this year. Kobayashi came out yesterday and said that he’s been injured. He is suffering from an arthritic jaw (I bet that’s fun to try and watch him speak when the arthritis in his jaw flares up) and while he is seeking treatment, has said he may not be able to compete. This is only a few weeks after perennial American challenger Joey Chestnut shattered Kobayashi’s hot dog eating record in one of Coney Island’s qualifying events. While Kobayashi is shorter and small framed, Chestnut is everything you would expect to find in a food-eating contestant. He’s big and well, large. This is the type of guy that should win a contest where the only requirement is to eat as much as possible before time expires. I’d personally try to compete so I could capture the championship for America, but I’ve become pretty anti-vomit over the years…

Maybe I’m just cynical, but I think Kobayashi is using his arthritic jaw to grease the way for his loss. When we Americans finally take back the 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest title next week, he’ll be able to say he was too injured and therefore could not properly compete. It’s not the honorable thing to try to do, but it is good strategy. After all, I should know. I do the same thing every morning when I get to work. I tell everyone I didn’t sleep well or I don’t feel well and then watch their expectations of me drop. Well played Mr. Kobayashi, well played indeed.