2009, Where Have You Been All Of My Life?

Well friends, 2009 is upon us. It's yet another reminder, other than my watch, at how fast time flies. Why it seems like just yesterday I was hammering the last nail into my Y2K bunker and ravaging local Rite Aides for their last cans of Spam. This could be the last year of our lives where we actually identify the year by saying 'two thousand....' Next year, just 563 days from now (wait, that doesn't seem right - perhaps I mixed the numbers up) we can start referring to the year as 'twenty-ten.' That will probably be a lot of fun and sounds kinda hip, but it's still a way off, so lets focus on this new year.

Perhaps it's my past employment experience in marketing, advertising and PR (I'm outta work by the way, so no, mentioning my previous experience was not a random gesture), but I think everything needs a slogan or catchy phrase. Just ask my twins. I've sloganized (some might call it 'branded') everything from their bodily functions to their 1,008 pairs of shoes. I feel that the new year is no different.I've been mulling over a few slogans for 2009, but have been limited somewhat by what '9' rhymes with. The first obvious choice was "Things Will Be Fine In 2009," but it's a little flat. Sure it's good when things are fine, but why can't they be "spectacular" or "more amazing than that time when you discovered that Shirley Bassey, who sang the 3 best James Bond themes ever, did a cover version of Barry Manilow's Copacabana." That's the type of enthusiasm we need to have for this new year we've been given.

I also gave thought to 'Things Will Shine In 2009," but saying that makes me feel like it's necessary to use jazz hands while doing so and I don't think jazz hands are as hip with the kids of today in their skinny jeans and unkempt hair. Oh man, when did I become my grandfather? We could go the "2009 - The Year of Awesomeness" route, but saying "the year of" is the same way Disney promotes its theme parks and I'm pretty sure that's just inviting litigation. I try to avoid litigation, even on TV. Well, except for Night Court. They made litigation fun and Harry Anderson always had a good line or two. Plus Markie Post was kinda cute, in that 80s bad business dress sort of way.

So here we are, 2 days into 2009 and we haven't given it a slogan yet. I fear that the pressure of branding this new year might make me settle for a slogan that I normally might have passed by, but am going to try really hard not to settle, like my wife did with me. (Seriously folks, these are the jokes. I'll be here all week and don't forget to tip your waitress...) Ok, I've come up with something and held true to my goals of making the new year sound exciting and inviting and not just settling on the first thing I come up with so that I can get the naming done and start printing it on napkins, toilet paper and business cards.

Are you ready? My slogan for 2009 is: "2009 - It's Newer Than Last Year, So It Has To Be Better...Right?" I like it. It's growing on me already.