Parents Across America Rejoice!

You all know what I'm talking about – assuming you are reading this today: Monday, January 5, 2009. Yep, the kids went back to school today. I suppose I could just stop there and let you all back to your relishing of the quiet, peaceful absence of presence that is having the kiddies back in our educational institutions, or sweat factories, where some of our favorite products are made. I'm sure they went back today too, but that's not that funny and I'd rather receive spam than hate mail. Actually, I'd rather receive both the electronic AND ham/pork/beef versions of it instead of hate mail so I won't mention sweat houses again. Sweat houses. It's the annoying side of me that had to say it just one more time. Sorry.

Anywho, I'm sure the morning was a struggle for you all, but looking at the clock as I read this, the only timezone that has yet to send the kids off is Hawaii and if you live in Hawaii, you deserve the battle ahead because you live in Hawaii, which is tropical and I don't don't live there, which is not so tropical. (Yes, people of Hawaii, I am giving you a dirty look with all your tropical weather and nice printed shirts and sand and palm trees and stuff. Oh, and macadamia nuts and pineapples. Actually, now I'm rolling my eyes at you. Deal with it) Besides, no pain, no gain. We woke them up, fed them, dressed them if they were under a certain age and pushed them out the front door or the mini-van or the SUV – perhaps while trying to hide grins. Wide Grinchy grins, only with better teeth. No pain, no gain indeed. But I'm sure you will admit that it was well worth it.

The battle here this morning was fierce. It took an extra 10 minutes to wake the twins up. We got them a CD alarm clock for Christmas, but knew this morning would not be the best time to debut it. We feared the backfireage and will grant them the rest of the week before the soft parental nudging to get them up gives way to the music of Hannah Montana or High School Musical or the Jonas Brothers or whatever devilish Disney offering the girls choose to put in said alarm clock.

Once we finally had them up, I had to not only get them to tell me what they wanted for breakfast, but I had to make it for them. See, I was not prepared for the return of the 6:30am wake up call either (perhaps due to the fact that I was up until 2am playing our Wii – though I am still choosing to blame our education system with its strict schedules and other freedom oppressing decrees like tardy slips and tater tots). Once breakfast was served, I stood across from them while they sat at the kitchen bar moaning and complaining and just generally giving me the look one might receive after killing the family cow to provide eggnong milk for the family. Let's just say it was awkward. In fact, I am not happy to admit this, but I had to resort to a song and dance number of Hello Kitty (to the tune of Hello Dolly – oldest twins' lunch box character) with my toy replica lightsaber and jazz hands. Please, don't ask. Just know that it actually worked and the mood improved enough for them to acknowledge me as their father. But what a price to have to pay!

After standing with them outside of the car for about a minute and a half wondering why the doors would not unlock, I came back into the house, got the CORRECT set of keys and we were off. You know that anxiety you get that builds second by second when you wonder if something is going to work? Well that's the feeling I had after I kissed them goodbye and watched them inch towards the school gate. I won't go so far as to say that I ran back to the car after they had gone through the gate and became the property of the Corona/Norco Unified School District for the next 8 hours, but there may have been some evil hand wringing accompanied by a little BWAHAHAHAHA.

As this is also my first real day of unemployment, I have no idea what to do in our now eerily quiet home. I mean other than the job searching and Guitar Heroing and coffee drinking and Sinatra listening and napping. Not necessarily in that order, of course. There may also be some singing and dancing. And a few happy tears. At least until 11am or so when I realize how much I actually do miss them being here. I suppose after that some form of guilt will set in, but by then they'll be back home and I'll remember why I wrote this in the first place...