Thursday, May 19, 2011

The World Is Ending. It Better, Because I Hate To Think I Wrote This Post For Nothing...


I expected to write this post on December 21, 2012. Right in the middle of the holidays and all of the World-is-ending sales. So, scrap those notes. The world is now ending this Saturday. That's 2 days away. Man, have I got a lot to complete in those 2 days!

I've got to assemble my end of the world checklist. You know, all of the things I will want to have in case the Rapture comes and I'm stuck in the bathroom or waiting for service at Denny's. I will want to have my Barry Manilow and Carpenter's CDs, and my Bacon t-shirt. I thought of bringing a compass, but I'm not sure how to use it (that's a joke). I thought of bringing a map, but I have no idea how to use that (that's not a joke). Plus, I have NO idea how to fold one up so I'd use it once and then try like the dickens to get it shoved back into my backpack! Of course, I could use my unfolded map as a tent. Hmmmm...

I would probably bring a kite. Because I'd want some fun while sitting on the street with no one to talk to. I wouldn't need money (phew!! Because I don't have any). And I wouldn't need a cellphone. So I guess I wouldn't need the charger for it. Unless I needed it for choking a rat that I would turn into dinner (and somehow pretend it's lobster...a little hairy rodent with a tail but it tastes just like imitation lobster meat). And lastly, a package of Key Lime Extra Gum. Have you tried that?? Oh, and breath freshener...

So, that it is my end-of-the-world check list. I'm sure I'm forgetting a few things. But I was in a hurry! The sky is fallling, the sky IS falling...

5 comments:

EMT Wench said...

You are up too early, but that's okay - more sunlight (if it comes) that way!

I read this and I knew immediately this crazy one! I had seen the bumper sticker on someone's care when I driving home and made the huge error of looking up the meaning. This guy has missed mark a few times now, so it will be interesting to see what happens when he wakes up on Saturday and it is just another day.

I looked for a post that surely I most have put up there but I can't find it. I am sure I still have the bumper sticker image, though, and find something fun to put up with it!

Ash

LesleyG said...

If there is not bacon somehow involved I, for one, am going to be wholly disappointed.

I wonder how many babies are going to be born in 9ish months due to the "Oh well, it IS the end of the world anyway."

meleah rebeccah said...

Oh Michael! You always make me laugh! And I love your check list!

Lemon Stand said...

I can see that your 'bucket list' is way longer than mine. I only have two things on it.

1. Duct tape. It's what holds the world together.
2. Toilet paper. It's 'almost' as essential as duct tape to sustain life.
3. Health. "If you haven't got your health, you haven't got anything." ~ Princess Bride (six fingered man)

online pharmacy said...

It is quite common that any special number of natural phenomena they think that end is coming. I am getting bored of the same thing.