Writing Can Be Exercise Too (And Not Just Because It's Painful...)

I was recently telling some friends that I'd like to work on a book to self-publish sometime next year. One of their first reactions was “don't you need to actually write sometimes in order to make a book?” While I found the comment rude and sarcastic, causing me hours of self-doubt and self-loathing, in which I needed to consume half a block of premium aged sharp cheddar (I'm drifting off track here, aren't I) to cope, my friends did have a point. I used to write every day, and then I found the Cliff Notes method of writing: Facebook status updates and 140 character tweets.

Those 2 methods of expressing myself are certainly easier than crafting 500-1000 word essays on things like the inherit awesomeness of fatty foods or why Tina Fey should befriend me and let me be in her personal entourage. Those same 2 methods do have fallout though. For instance, I can no longer have conversations with people without mentally counting how many words I have uttered and it's been at least a year since I was able to show my approval or appreciation of something without saying “Michael likes this.” And that brings up an entirely different issue. I now begin sentences by referring to myself in 3^rd person. So as you can see, Michael clearly needs to get back to the good ole days of writing in long form. Dammit....

Just as one cannot run a marathon without exercising and becoming conditioned to do so, one also cannot write a book by writing short little one line blurbs about what I am currently doing. Michael Christelman is currently writing about writing. Crap! Sorry, it seems old habits die hard. I'll try to reign that in a little more. Michael does not like this. AUGH! Double crap!

By now it should be painfully obvious that I really have nothing to write today. But much like that first mile when trying to run or getting hugs from all your old overly perfumed relatives at a family gathering, you just have to power through it. So that is what I am going to do. The fact that this document has sat open and unedited for the last 30 minutes is not going to deter me.

I could write about how I can't hear Julie Andrews' voice without thinking of Mary Poppins or how some people just cannot help but appear superior. I could write about how I sometimes turn on Glenn Beck and watch him with the volume down because his movements, gestures and facial expressions are so entertaining. I could write about how Hugh Hefner is putting in a petting zoo at the Playboy mansion (it's a heavy petting zoo...) Or maybe I'll write about how my spellcheck did not flag the word “Hefner” but DID flag the word spellcheck. I guess you know you've really made it when your name does not appear in MS Word with a red squiggly line under it.

I could also discuss the torsion physics theory and how many believe torsion physics is what the Mayans were writing about when they said the world will end in 2 years. But, I smell bacon, so I should probably go try to find where that is coming from. I guess I'll worry about the writing thing tomorrow...