Monday, November 16, 2009

Writing Can Be Exercise Too (And Not Just Because It's Painful...)

I was recently telling some friends that I'd like to work on a book to self-publish sometime next year. One of their first reactions was “don't you need to actually write sometimes in order to make a book?” While I found the comment rude and sarcastic, causing me hours of self-doubt and self-loathing, in which I needed to consume half a block of premium aged sharp cheddar (I'm drifting off track here, aren't I) to cope, my friends did have a point. I used to write every day, and then I found the Cliff Notes method of writing: Facebook status updates and 140 character tweets.

Those 2 methods of expressing myself are certainly easier than crafting 500-1000 word essays on things like the inherit awesomeness of fatty foods or why Tina Fey should befriend me and let me be in her personal entourage. Those same 2 methods do have fallout though. For instance, I can no longer have conversations with people without mentally counting how many words I have uttered and it's been at least a year since I was able to show my approval or appreciation of something without saying “Michael likes this.” And that brings up an entirely different issue. I now begin sentences by referring to myself in 3rd person. So as you can see, Michael clearly needs to get back to the good ole days of writing in long form. Dammit....

Just as one cannot run a marathon without exercising and becoming conditioned to do so, one also cannot write a book by writing short little one line blurbs about what I am currently doing. Michael Christelman is currently writing about writing. Crap! Sorry, it seems old habits die hard. I'll try to reign that in a little more. Michael does not like this. AUGH! Double crap!

By now it should be painfully obvious that I really have nothing to write today. But much like that first mile when trying to run or getting hugs from all your old overly perfumed relatives at a family gathering, you just have to power through it. So that is what I am going to do. The fact that this document has sat open and unedited for the last 30 minutes is not going to deter me.

I could write about how I can't hear Julie Andrews' voice without thinking of Mary Poppins or how some people just cannot help but appear superior. I could write about how I sometimes turn on Glenn Beck and watch him with the volume down because his movements, gestures and facial expressions are so entertaining. I could write about how Hugh Hefner is putting in a petting zoo at the Playboy mansion (it's a heavy petting zoo...) Or maybe I'll write about how my spellcheck did not flag the word “Hefner” but DID flag the word spellcheck. I guess you know you've really made it when your name does not appear in MS Word with a red squiggly line under it.

I could also discuss the torsion physics theory and how many believe torsion physics is what the Mayans were writing about when they said the world will end in 2 years. But, I smell bacon, so I should probably go try to find where that is coming from. I guess I'll worry about the writing thing tomorrow...


cmk said...

I'm looking for the 'like' button--WHERE is the 'like' button???

secret agent woman said...

Cheese is a worthy distraction. I had some Mexican fondue on vacation this weekend that would have knocked your socks off. Delicious.

Anonymous said...

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Anonymous said...

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Lemon Stand said...

OK Michael, I have missed your posts for almost 18 months and after seeing this post all I have to say is, "Pull up your big girl panties and get to work!"

I can't believe that you of all people need a blog prompt. Please tell me that you have turned into the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz? That only happens when you have as many teenage daughters as we have! :o)

meleah rebeccah said...

Meleah LIKES this post.

And Meleah thinks it is absolutely hilarious that Michael is also now blog posting in the 3rd person because Meleah has been doing THAT for months thanks to facebooking.

Meleah is even HAPPIER to hear that Michael is going to START WRITING AGAIN and writing more than updates and tweets.

Meleah thinks Micheal is brilliantly funny and will do whatever she can including cheering loudly from the sidelines to help Michael WRITE HIS BOOK.


Meleah MISSES the days when Michael updated HIS BLOG at least three times a week.

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