Sunday, October 25, 2009

Bullet Points – It’s Like Cheating For A Writer

Usually when I announce that I’m going to write in bullet or list form, that should be taken as ‘I want to write today but have nothing engaging, or intelligible, to say. So, with that being said, I am going to be writing in bullet or list form today…

* Today is Mother-In-Law Day. I know what you’re thinking, and it caught me a little off guard too: Isn’t Mother-In-Law Day on October 31st when we normally celebrate witches?

* We can put up fake skeletons sticking out of the ground at all angles to decorate for Halloween, but I put out 3 meals worth of real chicken bones to get the neighborhood into the spirit and people call me troubled?!

* I wonder why more couples don’t play Sinead O’Connor’s “Nothing Compares To You” at their weddings.

* Jeremiah was in fact a bullfrog, but he was not a good friend of mine.

* I’ve often wondered how Barry Manilow feels knowing that Cher could kick his a$$ if the need to do so every arises?

* They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. Is this still true if someone is your enemy because they have terrible body odor or bad breath?

* I’m not sure I should crave cottage cheese every time my 3 month old spits up on me.

* I had a horrible dream that I was being attacked my thousands of little Disney Princesses and that they were all following me. Then I realized I was just at Disneyland.

* Can an Italian restaurant serve food without playing Sinatra or Tony Bennett? Would it taste worse or something?

* Does anyone else ever get the urge to photo bomb a crime scene?

* Does anyone else find that they have to enunciate REALLY well every time they say the word “fish sticks?”

* I hear that Bill Cosby is making a hip-hop album. Though when he does it, I think it should be called Pudding Hop.

5 comments:

Meleah Rebeccah said...

Omg... I am writing this comment via iPhone !!

Anyway like I said on Facebook, Italian restaurants MUST play Sinatra and Bennett otherwise the food doesn't taste the same!

secret agent woman said...

I've never quite understood the venom against mother-in-laws. If you are married, isn't your mother also a mother-in-law.

Honestly, I don't think I've ever heard SInatra or Bennet at an Italian restaurant. Are you eating at Italian restauratnsin some sort of theme park?

Janna said...

What?
Writing in list form isn't engaging or intelligible?

(*sob*)

Now my feelings are hurt.
I use lists all the time.

Pawlie Kokonuts said...

Lists are elegantly simple. I love 'em. I gotta ask: did Larry King ghostwrite this post? He used to do a USA Today column like this, maybe he still does.

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