Monday, July 14, 2008

You Make A Better Pin Cushion Than A Window

If I talked to my cubicle’s walls, that is exactly what I would say. They are made of pincushiony material that you can easily pin a photo to, but they aren’t very transparent, though if they were, I’d just see out into a hallway and then would probably want my walls back. Bottom line: I ain’t got no windows. Well, that’s not actually the bottom line, that’s my complaint. The bottom line is that I want windows, or just one window. Una window, onlyamente singularo windowrino. Yes, I did major in Spanish, why do you ask? Heck, even a porthole would do. Really, anything larger than a peephole would be quite satisfactory.

It came up while conversing with Eva the other day that her office has windows and I know of other bloggers who have windows. I’m not normally envious, but knowing that some of you have windows really causes me a lot of pane. Get it, window pane instead of pain? Yes, I’m using lame humor to mask my sadness. They say it's the worst and final stage of window grief. Would I be a better worker if I had windows? Would I be a more productive worker if I had windows? Would I be a more gruntled worker instead of such a disgruntled worker? Actually, the answer to all of those is probably still no; especially since I am easily distracted and just watching a leaf blow by is enough to stop me from my current task, but all the dramatic questions sounded good.

As I examined the current confines of my workspace and the building in which it is caged housed, one thing became painfully obvious. I will never have a window while working there. I once put up a stick of bamboo near my cube’s doorway to fill my work area with the intoxicating ideals of the tropics, but someone mistook it for trash and threw it away. I then brought in some flamingo party beads that I found on clearance at Christmastime at Kohl’s, but that only invited my coworkers’ taunts, so I took them down. And speaking of Christmastime (because I haven’t knocked out a good segue in a while), I’ve got that covered. Seriously, do you know how many little tabletop artificial trees $10 bucks will buy you at the local dollar store? Ironically, it buys 10. When they are put atop all the filing cabinets lining the outside walls of our cubicles, it creates a wonderfully foresty atmosphere. So much so that you almost forget you don’t have a window. For some reason though, our company forbids holiday decorating until after Thanksgiving and mandates that we undecorate or de-decorate or possibly dis-decorate as soon as we get back from the Christmas holiday, so we really only have about 4 weeks to not miss our windows.

I have finally come up with a solution to my window crisis though and the good news is that you, yes you, can help. I am asking you to photograph your office window or home window or neighbor’s window or airplane window or boat window or hotel window or cabana on Maui window or car window and email it to me. Basically, if you can see out of it, I want to see it. What am I going to do with that photo? I am going to post it on the cubicle wall seen up there to the left of this post (which is my cubicle wall, by the way. With the exception of Lucy and Ethel's drawings, can't you see how sad and depressing it is, all monochromatic and with no flair - whoa, way too much HGTV coming through there, sorry) and change them out each week. Yep, I am going to have a revolving window of the week.

What will you get out of it? Well, not money, so you can tune out now if you want and I will understand. But, I WILL take a picture of your picture of a window on my cubicle wall and feature it prominently on my blog. It’s like an almost endless circle of pictures of windows. It’ll blow your mind, man. And unlike most gimmicks stunts ingeniously thought out ideas I’ve tried, I’d like to continue this one far beyond my normal customary week or so. Seriously folks, I want a window or scenery to put up every week that I can look out of and pretend (in my own special little way) that my office has a fancy window.

If you are so inclined, please send me your best window shot and I will pick my first window of the week for my cubicle on Monday. You will bring joy to my work life and I will accidentally contribute to killing a tree when I print it. Hmmm, that last one isn’t really a big benefit to anyone. We’ll just focus on bringing joy to my work life and who knows; maybe we’ll have lovely conversations about the things that can be seen out of your window. Oops, I mean OUR window. That’s the part where the whole cast would laugh right before the credits roll. If there was cast. Or the joke was funny…

Many thanks in advance!!!


Eva said...

Consider it done! :) Window pictures aside, I think that a nice colorful beach umbrella would add a touch of the outside that you seek. Plus you'd get a lot more privacy to blog at work without prying eyes. Added bonus!

Oh, and I have a question for next Monday's Q&A: How is your new patio cover working out?

chefmom said...

I am SO on top of this one. I Have the greatest picture to send you. I expect to see it up....j/k. I'm amazed that you can buy 10 trees for $10 at the $1 store. Fascinating. You can also buy 10 1/2 gallons of scented bubbles, for the kids to pour all over the back yard and deck. Or blow bubbles with on occasion. GAH! I've missed ya man! I'm so glad to be back and laughin at you! with you....

Employee No. 3699 said... work? Nah, don't have one. Oh wait, I have Microsoft Windows, does that count?

I'll send you something...


E said...

I was blessed with a window on the 23 floor of a high rise in Beverly Hills and all it did was remind me that I wasn't skinny enough, rich enough or tan enough to live in LA. Then I had a window on the third floor of a historic loft building in downtown St. Louis and it was great. I had a tree outside that I could measure the seasons by and a bird that come to visit periodically. It was idyllic until they put a patio bar under my window and then all I saw was skinny, rich, tan 21 year olds doing jell-o shots all summer. Be careful what you wish for. : )

Mel Heth said...

Maybe you need to come into work with a hacksaw and just cut a window for yourself? In Office Space, didn't they give Ron Livingston a promotion when he dismantled his cube? You could even hang some curtains and a windowbox of flowers - and put fresh baked pies on its sill once in awhile. :)

Natalie said...

I want a window, even though it wouldn't look outside just a window to the hall would be nice so when i close my office door it doesn't feel like death.

citizen of the world said...

My office has two windows that look directly into a bradford pear. I sometimes watch the birds hopping around on my windowsill. I am deeply, deeply grateful for those windows. (Although I do wish they opened).

meleah rebeccah said...

Okay. When I worked upstairs in the Marketing Department, I had windows. Now that I am in the CSR department... I have no windows. I really miss having my window so I feel your pane.

Oh...and I will email you a photo of my window just as soon as I return to work.

(Ive been home under the weather the last few days and pretending to be on the Game show 100,000 Pyramid.)

Aislínge said...

The one thing I can definitely give you aside from kudos for another well-written and funny post, is windows!

I am not in a high-rise building. I am not in a complex full of uniform boxes of mirrored outside seamless surfaces. No, I have the best of everything - an old-world, second place in the world golf course Clubhouse.

(The number one Clubhouse in the world is St. Andrews and if you know anything about golf, then you know St. Andrews.

This amazing edifice was built in 1895, has the most incredible rooms and windows and views (mostly) that anyone could ask for.

Ironically, my office has one window and it falls into the category of misfortunate. I'm not complaining over-much - it is still a window and as such, it means I do get a shred of sunlight (more in the winter than now) and an Apollo spacecraft view of the sky - today a deep cerulean blue. I can also see a lot of the shale shingled roof and from the former set up of my desk, I had a full-on view of the mens room window (thankfully tightly shuttered!).

I will send you tonight (in between working and going on call - or maybe after the concert standby) the image of my window. I will also send you the images of the Security office window, the four different views from the Governor's Room windows, views from the Farrell Room windows as well. That should give you quite an array of old-world windows to gaze out.