Ok, today was my 3-year blogiversary. I honestly can't believe it's been that long and feel a little weird celebrating it since I have treated this blog like a red-headed step child since falling for Facebook last fall. Way too many 'f's in that sentence, but anyway, since I am always one for a good party (defined by me sitting by myself laughing hysterically at Late Night With Jimmy Fallon while looking at a pretend person telling them how funny Jimmy's jokes are and then explaining why they are so funny...), I am going to continue on with the blogiversary celebration.
I have to be honest though, I looked back at my first blogiversary and really liked it, so I am using an updated version of it for this year's celebration 9yes, that means you still have to read the WHOLE thing). Thanks to everyone who still meanders to this little piece of intraweb daily or weekly and I really, really do hope to begin writing somewhat routinely before too long. I miss the writing and I miss my blog friends too much. I have met some truly awesome people through this blog and hope to meet even more. But enough of the sentimental horse bombs, on with the partay!!!
Well, here it is. Today is my three-year blogiversary. I checked into copyrighting that phrase, but the guy at the counter said all he could do was accept my utility payment, he knew nothing about copyrights. I'd say he should change his sign to reflect that, but then I looked at the sign and it turns out it actually says something about utility payments. You never know where a great idea will come to you, unfortunately the right person isn’t always around, I guess. Now that I actually have to deliver on my three-year extravaganza, I’m afraid I over hyped the occasion just a little. I have a tendency to do that. As a result, Lucy and Ethel are often left asking me ‘is that really it Daddy, we mean, really?’ while I hold a camera saying things like ‘see, see, I told you this would be the coolest thing ever!’ I promised myself I’d stop doing that. Oh well, maybe tomorrow. No, the day after tomorrow because I have the most awesomest thing planned for tomorrow. It's going to blow your mind! Uh-oh, looks like I overhyped again. Sorry.
As the days approaching my extravaganza counted down, I was dismayed at the total lack of B-list celebrities I invited that actually accepted. I was going to go all out for this one. Roseanne Barr, Miss America, David Hassellhoff, Christopher Walken, the curator of Elvis’ Graceland, Oprah’s friend Gayle, a representative of OPEC, one of the camera guys from American Idol, the first person other than a family member who visited my blog, many of the people in the news I made fun of, I mean wrote about in my posts, my high school English teacher who said I’d never amount to anything, my high school math teacher who said I’d never amount to anything, 5-7 ex-girlfriends who said I’d never amount to anything and Desmond Tutu (just because it’s so fun to say and he never said I wouldn’t amount to anything, but then again, he doesn’t know me yet). But, that’s not all. I also invited Lorne Michaels, Donny Most from Happy Days, the VPs of Programming for both The Travel Channel and The Food Network, my heroes Bob Newhart, Fred Willard and Batman himself, Adam West. I thought about inviting a few Playboy bunnies, but I’d just giggle when they got near me. However, above all else, the biggest surprise would have been at the end of the night when the financial consultant I hired was going to come out on stage and prove that I had indeed amounted to something. $5.27, to be exact. Then we’d serve pie and the Rockettes would do my almost-patented Happy Dance.
I'm really not sure why no one RSVP'd. Well ok, I know why the ex-girlfriends didn't RSVP, but what about everyone else. I even went so far as to disguise them as official letters so they wouldn't see my name, not recognize it and just throw it away. Oh wait, unless it had something to do with the 'you may already be a winner' stamp I put on it. I knew I should have gone with my original plan of using those Hello Kitty invites from the Hallmark Store. Damn that second guessing!!
So, I guess just like all my past milestone posts, I’m left with a big empty banquet hall that I rented for the occasion and lots of fun ideas and party favors left unused. Is anyone in the market for 8,000 kazoos with the words ‘Bitchin’ Blogiversary’ on them? How about 8,000 'I blog because you twitter' t-shirts? Or the 'You=FAIL' bumperstickers? And I'm never gonna get make my money back on the Barry Manilow bobble head dolls I bought for everyone. There just aren't that many uses for a bobblehead that sings 'I Write The Blogs'
Oh well. I think I’ll just dim the lights, undo my tie and croon Sinatra’s ‘In The Wee Small Hours Of The Morning.’ I’ve always wanted to do that. Or, I could grab a couple of brooms and practice plate spinning on them at the banquet hall’s expense. Maybe I could turn on the strobe light and dance all night to “Disco Inferno.’ Perhaps I could turn on the hall's PA system and pretend I am announcing the lineup of the '55 Dodgers at Ebbets Field. Or, I could vacate the hall altogether since I think I hear a security guard coming. Now I wish I hadn’t paid extra for the nighttime fireworks extravaganza. That was one slick salesman…
Before I leave though, I wanted to sincerely thank everyone who takes the time to visit this blog, especially since I really don't frequent it too much anymore. Aw shucks, it means a lot to me! Well, at least those of you who leave a comment. As for the ones who don’t leave comments, well, no comment. I'M KIDDING!!! Three years ago today I sat down to do something I had been wanting to do since my heart surgery in 2005 but never did (I mean write, not just sit down in front of the computer. I already did too much of that). I picked out by blog’s template, wrote a few lines and was on my way. It took just a few days before I was hooked.
I actually started my blog with the comment feature off. It was one of my real world friends who suggested I should allow comments. Looking back, I guess she was my enabler. I did that and my life hasn’t been the same since. I have met so many great people over the last three years. Many of you I've even had the privilge to get to know even better through emails or Facebook or your court decreed restraining orders...
But enough of all that emotion and stuff. I need to find where I put the helium tank. I feel like singing ‘I Like Big Butts’ as Alvin and the Chipmunks…
Have any questions, comments, concerns, good jokes, blog post ideas I can steal, recipes that include melted cheese or want to hire me as a copywriter? Seriously, hire me as a copy writer. Notice it's no longer a question... Feel free to write me. I likes me the email! firstname.lastname@example.org