Random Tricks AND Treats - Because It's A Time For Giving

Well friends, as if I need to tell you with all the scariness out there and all the yards decorated and people putting on different personas and the ghoulish anticipation of the hauntings to come, election time is finally upon us.

But what I am going to write about is Halloween. Yep, the sequential Numero Uno in the Triumverate of Holidays is here. And since you can’t come knocking upon my door to receive your choice of candy, Facebook Flair or my self-printed pamphlet on how the union of Jim and Pam on the Office relates to the Apocolypse, I shall offer you these random tricks and treats. They may not be the best things I’ve ever offered you here, but just consider me to be the guy that hands out pencils on Halloween this year (oh, and no offense to my wife’s mother with that remark)…

* Cellphones may not kill, but when using one causes you to walk into the ladies’ restroom at Disneyland, they can cause you to get some VERY dirty looks.

* I really have an axe to grind (or limb to sever, to use the Halloween parlance) with Jack in the Box. Yes their El Cheapo tacos can make your pancreas glow, but I have a problem with the issuance and date selection of the release of their holiday shakes this year. In years past, their holiday shakes offerings have been well timed: October is for their Pumpkin Pie shake and AFTER Halloween is reserved for their Eggnog Shake (though the pumpkin is still available – moot point though that be). This allowed the Pumpkin shake connoisseur (namely myself and one of my friends) to spend all of October delighting in the Pumpkin Pie shake variety. But this year, Jack decided to release both at the same time, and even worse, at the end of October. While I realize this has to be about as exciting for you as the process of retreading a commercial truck tire, I’ve made it too far to stop now (that’s what she said – and yes, that was very bad, but in my defense, I’ve got a lot of TWSS’s pent up inside of me after not writing for the last 2 months and it’s Halloween. If we can’t be saucy on Halloween, then when can we? Right?). So now, I am left with the dilemma I was presented with last night. Which one to get? Do I cram in the pumpkin I missed for the next few weeks and then enjoy eggnog after Thanksgiving, thus reducing my opportunity to enjoy enough of each variety this year? You know what, never mind. This all seemed much more interesting as I discussed the philosophy of it all with a complete stranger (who I am now pretty sure didn’t even speak English) while waiting in line for a soda at Disneyland last night.

* I have decided that next year I am going to go as the glam 1970’s version of Elton John for Halloween (and forgive me if you have heard this before – and you know who you are). That way, the following year all I have to do is remove the glasses and I can go as Liberace. Though I may not really want to be portrayed in that light. That big shiny candelabra provided light. Although, the third year I could go as Lawrence Welk and the sinking of my reputation will be complete…

* Despite my 99 and 44/100ths percent certainty, it turns out that eggnog and Coke DO NOT mix. At all. As in ‘it burns all the way down to your colon’ does not mix. Perhaps this is why every time I have had the urge to do it (that’s what she said) for the last few days, everyone has advised me not to. It turns out that 6 year olds are a lot smarter than we give them credit for.

And with that, I wish everyone a very Happy Halloween, here’s hoping you don’t pull a Charlie Brown and get a rock and that you may find yourself in the most sincere pumpkin patch when the Great Pumpkin comes calling. Or when the local polling place comes calling for that matter. Happy Halloween everybody!!