Holiday Repost: ARRRRRR, Or Whatever Matey

I am fully aware that I owe you a Randomocity day or at the very least, a new post. Spoiler Alert: That won't be happening today, but today's annual holiday HAD to be observed and fortunately I can steal from a past holiday post. So, hoist your mainsails and giddy up. Wait a minute, that's not right. I'll try it again. Yo yo yo, lemme show ya how to roll. There's no way that's correct. Set your reactions on stun, because today is...Ok, that's not even close and now I'll be branded a nerd.

I'll give it one last chance. Ya better be gettin' yer eye patch on because today be Talk Like A Pirate Day.....arrrrrrrr. So hoist your colors you bloomin' cockroaches. Don't forget to show 'em your "larboard" side. Use your best ole salty pirate phrases me hearties or ye be walkin' the plank. There, I think that did it. And to think they all laughed when I told them we'd learn something one day from all those rides on Pirates of the Caribbean! Yep, that is what I learned. Nonsensical dialogue that I get to use every September 19th. Matey. I forgot to talk like a pirate there.

It's too bad I wasn't able to be at work today because this really would have gone over well with my coworkers! I would have the entire staff talking like pirates within minutes of arriving in the office. I could even have worn an eye patch and cut off jean shorts with a tattered white dress shirt. And I could put my neck tie around my head like a cool seafaring sweat band. For the record, I mean Dr. J basketball type sweat band not Metallica or Aerosmith sweating while on stage. Heck, I wouldn't even have had to shower before going into the office. Then I would have been able to take me an office wench (no offense intended to any of the ladies I work with) and drink rum Diet Coke with extra added Splenda all day (you know, to make it all sugary and sweet and rummy like).

Wow, because it's an official holiday, I could've gotten away with challenging Female Coworker to a 'mailing tube' sword duel to the death (even though I'd still make the woo woo light saber sound every time I'd wave it around - TWSS). Did I just say duel to the death? If you HR guys are still reading my blog, I meant duel to determine who will pay for lunch. Sorry, I got a little carried away. I know, I know, it's 'talk like a pirate day' not 'be a pirate day.' I guess this means I couldn't hoist anything in my office (why does that sound worse than it is??) or 'seize' things from the office supply closet. Good thing there is still next year. Yes, for the record, I would have played the music from the Pirates of the Caribbean ride all day long too. Yep folks, I have it on CD. This not only makes me awesomely special, it makes me a loser. See, you can't call it bragging when I both praise and degrade myself in the same sentence. Now what I just wrote made it harder to find people who want to be around me. Again, not bragging.

Oh well. Perhaps I'll still talk like a pirate around my family today. Or even better, I can extend the celebration into tomorrow and talk like a pirate during the twins' birthday party. That's sure to get me lots of free time upstairs watching all the bonus features of Baby Mama and my new 2 DVD combo set containing both Wayne's Worlds on one disc (yes folks, that's right, both Wayne's Worlds on one disc - call now!). Pirating should be a fun thing to do all day. It'll be interesting to see how long it takes for my family swabbies to get sick of me.

Arrrrrrr, shiver me timbers, I'm already annoying myself!! Dead men tell no tales, especially when they talk like pirates all day. Ok, I promise I'm done. I don't even know what that last phrase means...